When the Moon Rises
by elnochesesmuybonito
Summary: When Tara is pulled from her normal village life and into a world of glamour and secrets she starts to learn that everybody has two sides to them, most not very pretty...
1. Angst

Hey Guys! It has been called to my attention that the swearing is offending some people, it is just the cahracter and it fits her and also...it is rated **T**...

_**Sometimes we do stupid things. Sometimes we think things that should be buried in the back of our minds and that should be forgotten. And sometimes we tell a lie so much that it comes true and when you look back on the situation you can't even remember why you lied- what you lied for, just the lie itself. And sometimes, we find someone else, someone who will cheer you up, someone who knows every part of your soul and still loves you for it. No matter what dark secret you hide…**_

Chapter One Angst

I tucked the hair in my cap, quickly. I looked up and around. No one had seen. I breathed a sigh of relief and tuned back to my work.

I swung the scythe from side to side, gathering the wheat it chopped down. I whipped my forehead with my hand and stretched my aching back. I put the wheat into the sack on my back and returned to the work. I thought as the endless work continued in the regular repetition. Swing, gather, swing, gather, swing, gather, put in bag, step, swing, gather…

I wasn't supposed to be doing this. I was supposed to be making bread, or cleaning the house. We weren't migratory, like the rest of our people. We stayed in the same place. Only moved if it was absolutely necessary. They said that the gods had blessed us. They said we were the lucky bunch, they said so much that seemed so true.

I tugged a piece of hair again. I didn't like this job, I didn't like it one bit. But my family needed money. One for the things that the priest wouldn't tell us, was that we couldn't leave. We were being housed on an estate. We were the surfs. You couldn't see the castle from here. You had to go up the hill, across the filed and through the wood to see it. There was a road, but that was guarded. No one knew what I did during the day. I did a number of odd jobs. I would cut the wheat, go up to the stables and clean them, or on rare occasions, act as a house maid. But that was once a month, at most. The community was peaceful, everyone followed the rules and the gods were not upset. Everyone was related, some way or another, but that didn't mean anything to us. We were the only ones we had.

I looked into the burning sun, I would have to go soon. I looked at the plot I had been cutting, roughly ten more minutes before it was done. I set back to work. Thinking. I was a woman, and not very old. I had only seen eighteen winters. It was funny for me. I didn't like the work that the women had to do, so I dressed up as a man and worked with them. Most of the time anyway. I made a better boy than a girl. It was always entertaining for me when I walked in from the fields and all of the girls from the village tried to follow me, or get my attention. But I knew all of their tricks. I was one of them. I would ignore it and walk to the woods, to creek, where I would wash and change.

I looked at my plot, my thoughts suddenly ending. It was done. I gatheredup my bags and went to the guards. They weighed my stock and paid me the appropriate amount of shillings. I went to the village along the dirt road. It was a busy day. All of women were working. At that thought I felt a wave of relief loosen up my tense muscles.

I went to the creek. I bathed and washed off all of the dust and grime. I got out of the cool water and pulled on a white skirt and white blouse. Over top the blouse I wore a green bodice. And over the skirt I wore a green apron. I braided my thigh long hair into braids, like a good little girl. I secured the ends with pieces of green ribbon. I walked through the forest, picked mushrooms, and obscure berries.

I came through the door of our modest cottage. My mother came over to me from the little kitchen.

"Where have you been?" she demanded.

My face formed a mask and I checked my emotions. I went to the wooden table in the center of the room. I pulled out a chair and sat down with my basket in front of me. I lightly folded my hands in my lap and waited. My mother came over and took the seat opposite of me.

She was a tired woman, older looking than her 38 years. Her wheat colored face had worry lines etched into her forehead. She did have a lot to worry about though, a husband and three girls. I studied her face closer, picking out things that I now noticed because I was older. I could see traces of her when she had been my age and younger, the feature that's made my father fall in love. Her green eyes were sharper than ever, sharpened by many years knowledge, her full pink lips refused to give way to harsh summer and winter winds, and the final thing that won my father over, her mind. It was as witty and cleaver as it had ever been, even when she had been 18, like myself. She folded her hands in front of her and her mouth twisted into a smile. A warning flashed behind my eyes.

"What have you been doing dear?" she asked me in a tone that was meant to take me off my guard, but I knew better, after all we went through this almost every day.

"Collecting berries and visiting the dogs," I responded blandly, only because it was the exact same answer as yesterday.

She raised her brows at me answer, "Really? What did you find?"

I thought it over. I let a happy note and a wistful tone enter my voice as I prepared my speech, but that wasn't necessary. A hopeless romantic attack seized me and I talked, "I found blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, and strawberries. The dogs are excellent! Oh, mother, you should have seen the forest! The way the light fell through the tree boughs, dappling the ground, turning the grass the greenest green I have ever seen! Oh, it made the stream look so clear! It was so beautiful! And the ivy is in bloom, it is red this year! Who would have guessed?" I stopped, breathless, my romantic attacked slowly releasing me out of its grip. I gazed at my mother, the picture I painted present within the room, for I could see the grass color and hear the stream, feel the heat of the sun. My mother's eyes were glazed over, seeing the picture I had just painted in front of her. A brief smiled twisted her mouth and glazed look disappeared.

"You were at the kennel, then why is your hair wet?" she asked, the same note as before in her voice.

"Well, I was there this morning. And my hair is wet because I bathed." I replied, my guard back up.

She let out a small sigh, "I am far from believing you, but your going to get away with it, this time at least. Now get started on dinner, your father and sisters will be home soon."

I nodded my head and set out the back door. I had done it again, I had gotten away with it.

**A/N Okay so this is my first fanfic, so no harsh flames please. I like criticism though, constructive criticism. So I'm not going to update, unless I get some reviews or other such things. So if this turns out to be a hit, I'll try to update a lot. It will be a good story I promise. Suggestions are welcome and I'm sorry about the spelling, I cant spell to save my life. So R&R please!**


	2. Truth

hey guys! once again...there is some cursing in this chapter and proably future ones, but...it is rated **T**...

_**Chapter 2: Truth**_

I scrubbed the wooden plates with the soap, attempting to ignore the burning of the soap on the cracks of my hands. The calloused hands of a lower class farm girl… When the plates and utensils were significantly scrubbed I piled them into my tub and walked back into the house. I stored the tub under our chest of drawers, trying to be as quiet as possible. If I was quiet enough I could creep upstairs.

I walked behind my mother's and father's chair next to the small fireplace. I put a hand on the weathered rail and put my foot down, the stairs gave the tiniest bit of noise. My sister Raelin raised a perfect auburn eyebrow at me. The flames form the fire made her look like a cat. Her green eyes reflected the orange making them yellowish and her lean body looked ready to pounce. My other sister, Birkita, looked from me to Raelin. Her sky blue eyes were curious, while her lean for was bunched and tight, wanting to get out of there. I lightly place a finger to my lips. Realin's eyes dropped down once and then went up once. I nodded my head and creeped up the stairs. They made a protest almost every time I put my foot down. Finally I made it up to the loft. The warm fire's glow lit my way about the dim room. Toward the steep slope of our roof were two mattresses, one for me and one for Raelin and Birkita. Three trunks were lined up against another wall and the rest of the floor was a heap of old blankets and rugs and pillows. I slipped out of my dress and pulled on my thin slip. After re-braiding my hair into one long thick braid, I laid down on my mattress, the holey quit piled on my legs. I fell back, careful to duck my head so that I wouldn't fall into the sloped ceiling. shortly after I had gotten settled; Birkita and Raelin came upstairs whispering and giggling excitedly. The whispering abruptly stopped as soon as they entered the loft. I herd their feet scuttling around on the floor, trying not to wake me up because of one of two reasons. Reason one: they respect me and want me to get some sleep. Or most likely reason two which is they don't want me to "wake-up" so they can talk about whatever it was they were talking about on the steps.

I herd clothes rustling and then someone digging trough a trunk. After that it was silent for a while and then I felt something step very close to my face. I tried to keep my breathing even.

"Is she awake?" Raelin asked.

"Tara?" someone whispered in my ear. I made an effort not to jerk my head at the sound of my name.

"She's asleep," confirmed Birkita.

"Now, what were you going to tell me, sister ,and out of curiosity, why can't Tara know? I mean she's our elder sister after all." said Birkita, not even trying to keep her voice down.

" Shush! Well, she doesn't have experience with boys. And besides, you're my twin, therefore you have a right to know." Raelin said sneakily, and with, was that hatred? My own sister hated me?

Damn you to hell, you pettish 16 year olds! I thought savagely, but did nothing, for I wanted to hear.

Raelin began to talk, about that day's gossip and in my mind I was swept away with the stream of her words, imagining the faces of the people I knew that she was talking about, the places, the animals. And as suddenly as they always came, I had an attack of romanticism.

_The edge of the woods was bathed in light. A simple white lily was handed to her by the most handsome boy in the village, Torin. His grey eyes shone with love as he looked into hers. His white blonde hair caught the sunlight, dazzling her. His hand cupped the back on her neck. His lips came close to her face. "I love you" his warm sweet breath whispered against her face. The lily smell came sharply from the flower. His soft lips were like a feather's breath against hers. His tongue gently coaxed her lips open. She gladly complied, getting lost. Then his hands worked in a fever against the laces of her dress while she held onto his strong shoulders. And then_… My day dream stopped and I came slowly out of the vortex it had pulled me into. I realized that I was curled in a ball, crying silently. I didn't reach up to wipe the tears, I let them come, knowing that it was the last part of my fit. What was I thinking? He would never love me. And who was he? Torin that's who. Of course all of the girls in the village disliked me because of how different looking I was. But that wasn't the main reason. It was because of how much I hung out with Torin. We had been friends since we were five years old and from the time to when he was thirteen and I was twelve picnics, exploring the woods, swimming in the creek, and playing hide and seek in the fields had consumed the day. But after that point of our lives, we drifted apart. When I was fifteen and he was sixteen we started to hang out again, always meeting in the library. Ever since then I have harbored feelings for him that I shouldn't, feelings and thoughts that should be buried in the back of my head. Two years the feelings had haunted me, and it had only gotten worse, now I was deluding myself into thinking that he liked me. I blinked my eyes rapidly to clear my head. I focused back on Realin's voice.

"Oh and of course, Gwen was going after that mysterious young man today! She didn't come out to see him, but watched him instead, she does think he is oh so handsome! I mean who wouldn't he has those lovely blue eyes! It isn't often anyone in our village gets blue eyes. Him and Tara are the only ones! But his hair is also such beautiful color. It is like reddish brown mixed with black, no one has that hair color either! And his skin the color of it is absolutely beautiful! It seems to glow. If I could talk to him once he would fall in love with me easily." gushed Raelin to Birkita. My finger clenched and unclench on my other arm. Gwendolyn had seen me today. Shit! Oh dear, I really must stop cursing! But how could I have missed her? She was the worst of the girls that tracked me down from my walk to and from the fields! I was stupid, letting my guard down like that. I herd my name and immediately snapped back to attention.

"…Not Tara! She doesn't even look like a lady, more like a gypsy! He would defiantly fall in love with you, quiet easily!" Birkita assured her. I stuffed my fist in my mouth, so many emotions were coursing through my body. I had to resist laughing, I was slaphappy. My sister was fantasizing about capturing my heart! The irony of it all!

"What is his name?" continued Birkita. I was about to answer but then I remembered that I was supposed to be asleep.

"I don't know. But he does walk through the village everyday. Oh and I herd a rumor that if you wait for a while after he disappears into the wood, Tara comes back out looking really happy…" she trailed off. I herd Birkita's sharp intake of breath followed by a:

"You don't think…?"

"Is it possible? We'll have to watch tomorrow and see." said Raelin.

"Agreed."

"Goodnight sister." said Raelin yawing.

"Mhm." responded Birkita. I herd them turning on the mattress and then their light snores filled the room.

I didn't know what to feel. I was trying to figure out if I should laugh, cry or both. So I laughed, quietly. After I had quieted down I felt like a the weight had been taken form my shoulders. I drifted to sleep, not black, but alight gray color lulled me to sleep.

I woke before sunrise like always. Trying to give my sisters the courtesy they never gave me I crept to my trunk against the far wall. Pulling out a random skirt, corset , blouse and kerchief I went down the rickety steps, cringing when they made a noise.

My basket was on the table, full of fruit. I shrugged out of my slip and pulled on my other clothing. Grabbing an apple and a different basket I headed out the back door, angling to the well. I dipped the white slip in the cool water a couple of times and hung it out to dry. Cutting through our garden I found the main cobblestone road. My boots made a tap-tap on the street. There was no need to the my mother where I was going, she'd figure it out.

Today I decided to go to the forest behind the fields. I nodded to the baker and the book keeper as I walked across the main square to the exit.

"Hey Tara! Wait up for me!" someone called from behind. I stiffened, all of the horrible thoughts and feelings rising to the surface. I tried desperately to put them back in the same corner of my mind as my other secrets. I herd the running feet behind me and then a muscular, tanned arm swung around my shoulder.

"Hey! So you know where Ronan is today? Is he showing up?" they asked me. I stiffened underneath their arm. This was a touchy subject. Especially since we were pretty much talking about me in the third person.

"I don't think I know him." I said airily, deciding that a lie was better than the truth. I received a playful punch.

"Oh stop lying! I have herd the rumors and seen them proven correct for myself."

I twirled away from their arm and faced him, "If you must know he is done with his plot of land therefore he will not be working today!" Torin held his hands up in mock surrender, a playful smiled dancing on his lips and his grey eyes shining.

He raised an eyebrow at me, "Alright. So where are you off to at such an early hour?"

"To the woods, _to collect berries and silk!_" I said. He raised his eye brow again. A strange anger flashed briefly in his silver eyes, but was gone quickly.

"Nice, may I escort you? I have no work today and nothing better to do."

"Oh, thank you so much, I feel honored that I'm second to field work." I said with heavy sarcasm.

"You should! Hold on I have to talk to the guards." he said.

"Alright…"I smiled sweetly and kept walking. We passed through the gates attracting curious looks from the guards. I shook my head and kept walking next to Torin. We reached the wheat field and he walked over to the guards.

"I'm done with my plot, good sirs. I would like to get my pay for the week. Now could we hurry it up? I must help this enchanting young woman with her chores." hesaid, winking. They smiled and paid him and we set off to the forest.

"You didn't have to do that you know!" I said, bumping into his shoulder.

"I know." he said wrapping his arm around my shoulders. My heart leapt into my throat but I laughed and leaned into him, forcing him to take the path I wanted. He smiled and complied, so that I could just lean if I wanted to. Which, if I'm not lying to myself, I did.

We stood at the edge of the forest, something picking at my brain. I held my basket to my legs and looked down self consciously.

"Thank you for keeping me company today Torin." I said.

"Hey someone has to make sure that Ronan isn't terrorizing you!" he said, a slight anger coloring his tone.

"Oh!" was all I could say.

He smiled and pulled a plain singly white lily from behind his back. My heart stuttered and picked up again. A wave of panic swept threw me. I looked into his eyes. And the one thing I had been dreading was there, love. I thought would be happy when this happened, but I wasn't I felt completely panic and afraid.

"Tara," he whispered, taking a step closer. His breath tickled my cheek, "I have loved you since I was fifteen, and I have been waiting long enough." I had no time to before his lips were against mine. Light as a feather's breath. I gladly kissed him back, reveling in the since of it all. His tongue coaxed my lips open. I was amazed about how it felt. Not nasty or anything, just right. His body pressed against mine. My stomach dropped. I knew what was coming next. My moral values fought against it, but I was eighteen, it was time to commit myself, and this was the one person I wanted to be bound to. I felt my feet move and the light disappeared. I knew that we were in the cover of the woods. I felt Torin's fingers work furiously at the laces containing me from him. I held onto his shoulder's. A voice cut through the air and his hands stilled. I slowly drew my lips away from his.

"Tara?" it said again. I let go of Torin and bent down to pick up my basket. He leaned casually against the tree, not bothering to brush his disheveled hair. I blushed and bent down , trying to distract myself.

"Tara?" They said again. I looked up a Torin panicked. The little rueful smile on his face become sincere and he offered his hand to me. I hesitated, throwing caution to the wind, I took it.

He led me through the tress, weaving this way and that, jumping a stream, stepping over a rock and then the tress parted and we came to a small knoll. There was a streamed running through it and a flat rock in the center. I walked over to the rock and sat down, my basket next to me. I let out a sigh. Torin walked over and sat down at my feet, his back against my legs. He leaned his head back to look at me.

"What are you thinking?" his eyes were anxious.

"Nothing really. Why?" I asked.

"No reason." but his tone gave away the lie.

"I was thinking about that kiss." I said.

"Oh really? What about it." his tone polite.

"You said you had been waiting too long? How long exactly?"

"Four years I have loved you."

"hmm, I have loved you for two." my hand flew to my mouth, too much information.

He smiled brilliantly, "Oh really?"

"yes."

"so?"

"what?"

"Do you love me back?" he asked, his eyes questioning, the question phrased as I he were a child.

"Yes I do." I said slipping to the ground beside him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, I leaned my head against him. The sun was setting. And slowly I was drifting to sleep.

I woke up the next morning with an uncomfortable pain in my stomach._ hungry! _it declared, in the un flattering form a of a growl. I shifted out of my cramped position next to Torin and walked over to the stream. I removed my shoes and dipped my feet in the chilly water, watching the sun rise.

I looked back behind me. Torin was stretching and yawing.

"Ugg. I guess we had better get back, we could always say that we were up at the castle." he said, trapping me in a hug. I smiled and kissed the edge of his jaw. He smiled and buried his face n my hair.

I hauled my self up. He followed shortly after me. We walked to the edge of the woods hand in hand. The guards at the gate and fields gave us odd looks. At the main square we said goodbye, not bothering with public display of affection.

"Meet me in the library later." Torin said, catching me in a hug.

"Alright." I agreed, letting go of him with regret. He smiled at my reluctance and walked to his home. I turned and walked back to my house. A good fifteen minute walk, which gave me the perfect amount of time to order my confused thoughts.

When I go home no one else was up. I went up the stairs quickly and changed clothing. At the bottom of my trunk I found a piece of thin blue cloth wound through with sliver and green reflecting string. I shrugged and tied it around my head to keep my braids form falling forward. Dressed in light blue and white I set off to the library, grabbing an apple and piece of bread on the way. I looked around furtively when I reached the main square, but no one was up yet. The library was thankfully open. I walked into the musty room, which was warmed by the unnecessary fire.

"Uh, hello?" I asked the man behind the big desk.

"Yes madam Tara, how may I help you?" the man asked. I think his name was Maxim.

"Umm, I need to see all of the items on my family."

"Oh yes the um, what is your last name again?"

"Atlas." I said.

"Follow me." he took me down rows and rows of books. I was surprised by how many there were.

"Here we are." he said. I looked at the shelf number:800.

"This is your current family tree," he said handing me a piece of parchment. I sensed a double meaning to his words.

I had seen this piece of paper many times. But now when I looked at it something, was wrong. There was my mother Sharalin, and my father Matt and my sisters Birkita and Raelin, and there was- I wasn't on there.

"Excuse me, Maxim. I'm not on here." I said,

"Have you been having anything when you are witnessing something or hearing something, but in your minds eye your seeing something else?" he asked me.

"Uhh, yeah." I responded

"do the day dreams happen?" he asked. Now that I thought about it, they did.

"Yes sir."

"Alright then you need this." he said, handing me a big green volume, from far down the shelf.

"And this." he said handing me a leather diary with gilded pages,

"And this." he said yet again handing me a black cloth bound book.

"And lastly this." he said handing me a pack of letters.

"Red the leather bound journal first and work your way from there." he said.

"Thank you Maxim." I said. He nodded and turned down the aisle to leave.

I sat down at a wooded table with a couple candles. I opened the diary and a letter fell out. I was about to turn it aside, but blue ink caught my eye and… my name. What was my name doing on the envelope? I opened it. A thick creamy parchment fell out. I unfolded it and read the blue inked words hungrily.

_June 5_

_Dear Tara,_

_My darling, I have no idea when you will be reading this. I can not tell you too much, it is far to dangerous, but I can tell you enough. I have entrusted everything you shall need to Maxim. For my dear, we are in the middle of a war, and as I write this we are in a rock cave, and you are asleep, just a little two year old, dig back deep in you memory and you shall see it darling. I am sure that you have realized that you aren't related or anything like people you live with, in fact they are no blood relation. And you are not of the nationality, you are from Izlanda. Were you are is, was the enemy's territory, I do hope things have settled down there. But you are in the enemy's territory. They are hunting us down, your father and I. The truth is darling, we are very, very influential. We are in fact Crown Prince and Princess, and you are our only child, therefore you are a Crown Princess too. Do not ever go back to your native land and try to claim your place, they will kill you. And one more thing darling, for they are close, beware of when the moon rises._

_With all of our love, your mother and father, Princess Annelise and Prince Philippe Vasagar._

My mind went blank, I was adopted? I'm from the enemy nation. I was, am, royalty?

**A/N hey guys! please review, and i hop eyou liked this chapter! i will try and have a better cliff hanger next chaper! Also please check out the poll on my profile page! it is for this story adn i need some answers on it so that i can finish up chapter three! thanks and please review!!**


	3. Beginnings

**Chapter 3: Beginnings**

I sat stock-still in my chair. The candles were dwindling slowly, wax dripping and drying on the table. And still I couldn't reach in front of me for that simple little piece of paper that contained the truth about my identity. A princess. It was impossible-improbable. But it was somehow true. Then my brain start to reason out the information. I would just look at the diary, the black book and the brown book, and maybe a couple of letters to satisfy my interests and then, I'd go home. I opened the diary up. The Princess' neat slanting cursive greeted me.

_July 16, _

_Today is the day in which I go to my wedding. The day when I become a wife and keeper of a castle. My husband to be is a lovely man. I have known his for the longest time, and I am quiet fond of him. But, when, and if, I have a daughter, I will not force her to marry any one she doesn't love. But Philippe is a handsome man. He has these just beautiful blue eyes. As blue as the afternoon sky that just melt my heart when he looks at me. And of course he has that beautiful thick black hair, as black as ink. And oh! I just love him so much! But now I must go. I will write about my wedding in detail! I am about to be a wife, to the dearest man in the world._

_Annelise _

I looked at her handwriting, running my fingers over it. Not a flourish on her name, no titles, nothing of that sort, just the name. I continued to read.

I read about her wedding. She was only 17 when she was married, younger than me. She had a lovely white gown with lace and gauze and of course pearls. She described the sensation of when the prince lifted the veil to kiss her. She described her ring. A gold one inlaid with one simple green emerald. The rest of her diary after that was social events, the courtiers she disliked and liked. And finally the entries became fewer and farther in between. Then one entry was so full emotion, I almost backed down from reading it, but I plowed on. If this woman was my mother, then this ate should be what I was thinking it was.

_September 20_

_Today was a day of wonder. I cant not write well for I have undergone the agony of child birth. But my child made it all worth it. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. But Philippe didn't seem to mind, he took her into his arms and cooed to her and called her his little princess. The newborn just giggled and laughed, smiling up at her father. He gave her back to me. She is such a beautiful child she has her fathers blue eyes. But neither mine nor his hair. In fact she had his ink black color and my brown, red color. She is quiet a beauty and simply enchants everyone that meets her. We have decided to call her Tara. I must go, for she is tired and I am the only one that can put her to sleep._

_Annelise._

The passage echoed in my head. She was my mother. This proves it. And my father. I was royalty. Oh my, I never saw that coming.

I shut the diary. I didn't want to read about me or my parents next two years of life, and the final passage in which they died, saving me. I opened the big brown book. It was the history, written when I was just twelve. The history was pure facts, not marred by opinions or political interference, or beliefs.

I leafed through the book. Looking for the entry in it that held facts about the war that had happened between Fief and Marchess.

I wondered idly if the person who wrote it had taken over a year to do so. I paused before I read the entry. I collected the facts that I knew about the war. It had occurred over a disagreement of some sort. Marchess had attacked Fief and the outcome ad been deadly. Fief picked itself up quickly. While Marchess had no heirs to it throne and its government became a dictator ship. All in all each country was in no place to go to war any time soon. I sighed. That had been what I herd. How right was it? I looked at the book and started to read.

_The war between Marchess and Fief has been said to be caused by a disagreement. All of the facts that each country has taught its children are wrong. The war began as just a verbal war between the monarchs. The king of Fief had a roaring temper while the king of Marchess much preferred to sit down and talk about what was happening between the two countries…_

"Hello Tara." someone interrupted. I looked up and blinked slowly.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Mind if I take a seat?" Torin asked me. I remembered that I was supposed to meet him in the library.

"No, not at all." I told him, gesturing to the one across from me. He sat down and folded his hands under his chin, his face thoughtful.

"So, what are you reading?" he asked. His eyes taking in the letters and diary, I could tell that he wanted to read them.

"…_but the king of Fief did not want to talk it out. The first murmurings of war swept trough both countries. Fief had a big enough treasury and could fully deal with a war and its people at the same time. Marchess was in the same position, but since they were such a peaceful people they did not want to fight…"_

"Oh, about that. Well, if you want to finish it up, I do not mind, I will just go get a book and read with you." Torin said.

I nodded my head and continued with the history lesson.

_Fief wanted to fight for this though. It was important to them. Even though the people of Fief are also a peaceful race, they felt that they needed to fight this war. Their elders warned against it. During this time one of the most brilliant observations was made by an elder. "War." he had spit, according to the few persons who have witnessed this historical moment. "It is nothing, just a way of slaughter that is given a name to make it look brave and dignified." It was so true about this war too. The war was actually over something so small ad stupid that most of the other countries wonder what their neighbors were thinking. The simple factor of which no one knows is a book. A book that has nothing written in it. Bound of black leather with gold stitching and creamy white pages like hat of newly fallen snow. The history of the book is that a Goddess or an enchantress- it varies form each country- fell in love with a mortal man. The immortal, or Freya she was called, went to the most skilled book-binder in all of the world on which her people resided over. She demeaned that the man bind a book that had the richest leather, stitched with thread made of gold. The pages were to be made of the purest material and the color of newly fallen snow. The man bound the book, the best one he had ever bound. Freya had taken it from him and set off to find her lover. Along the way she had stop and persuaded a blue heron to give her its feather for the quill. That was the only way the book would work. One had to write their name, in their blood in the book with a quill made of a blue heron feather. For this book of nine hundred blank pages was a book from immortality. The goddess arrived to her lover, only to find her self to late- he had died of a plague. She mourned his loss, and for years bad luck plagued his land. She got rid of the book, for there was no one she could trust with it. And the book later resurfaced and was the cause of the war. The ruthless ruler of Fief wanted the book so he could rein over his people, without worry, while the king of Marchess wanted to burn the book and send it to Hell, but neither got their way, during the war the book was lost… and that was the cause of the war, the desire to beat Death at its game and a book. _

I stopped reading and placed the book down carefully, written words were hard to come-by in fact I was lucky that I was even able to read.

I thought about that book the little…article?…had described, it did sound pretty…I would love to see it one day, but hopefully it was buried in the furthest reaches of the earth and no one had written their name in blood with a heron quill. I looked up across the table. Torin was sitting contently, looking at a random book he had picked up off the shelves. The candle light flickered across the black book. I picked it up, the cool leather caressing my hands. I opened the pages, wondering if there'd be sketches in it. But when I arrived at the first page there was nothing. Just creamy white pages. My heart skipped. I flipped the over. Intricate patterns in golden thread covered the surface and the spine.

"Torin?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"What is this thread made out of?" I asked pointing to it.

"Well, you should know, you are a woman after all." he said raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, well, I mean it, what is it made out of?" He took the book and rand his finger tip along the thread. He handed it back to me.

"Well?" I asked, clutching the book to my chest. He folded his hands under his chin and looked at me seriously, but when he spoke his voice was light.

"It seems to me gold thread, like the metal that people are forced to mine out of the earth. I wonder how Maxim got a hold of it." he said, gazing at me.

"Yes, I do too." I responded vaguely. …_richest leather, stitched with thread made of gold. The ages were to be made of the purest material and the color of newly fallen snow. _that is how the passage had described the book. I studied this one. It was very rich black leather, intricate golden thread, and now that I felt it, it did feel like gold. And the pages, nothing on them, and as white as newly fallen snow. And, I counted the pages, when I reached the last one I dropped the book. Exactly like the description. I looked at the books an letters in front of me.

_What else can go wrong?_ I had thought. _Not only am I a princess living in the enemies country- but I have the god damned book of immortality too!_ Just when I thought things were going so well….I could have never guess how wrong I was….

**A/N hey people! I'm back, I know shocker. I know that this was boring, but deal-it was important! And besides I got writers block. Now everyone do me a favor: REVIEW!**

**P.S. okay so the whole thing about the immortal book shall we call it not mine that came form **_**Inkspell!**_** awesome book you should check it out(read **_**Inkheart **_**first!!) okay and also on the countries Fief: ph-eye-ph and Marchess: Mar-sh-ess okay so now review please_!_**


	4. Star Light, Star Bright, Silvery Light

_**Note: I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Nicole. Sorry Nicole, but I didn't kill him, against my better judgment! I hope you like it girl! I hope you readers like it too!**_

_**When the moon rises**_

_Chapter four: Star Light, Star Bright, Silvery Light_

"Tara?" someone called, but it was so far away. I couldn't take my eyes off the book. What if someone found out? I couldn't pry my fingers off of it. What if I wanted to write my name in it? It wouldn't be all that hard. Just a blue heron feather, and a drop of…

"TARA!" they shouted, lightly slapping my cheek. I snapped out of my dark thoughts.

"Yes?" I asked quietly looking at Torin's face. He looked at me, concern written in his eyes and etched onto his face.

"Nothing, it was like you weren't there anymore." he said, looking at me oddly.

"Yes, yes," I said vaguely, "I just read something that got me thinking." He nodded his head.

"I understand that, makes you suddenly wonder if everything everyone has ever told you is wrong." he said quietly. I nodded my head, staring into space. The air felt cooler, shifting almost. The room looked awfully dark. And the seat cushion under my butt was hard like rock. And why was there a baby in the back round? Crying. I drifted. What was this?

_She sat on the cave floor looking at her child lovingly. Only two years old. How could such innocence ever experience this? She should be playing with plush toys, sitting in clean clothing, and playing with other children her age. Not sitting here, on the dirty cave floor, a refugee of war. _

_"Ana." some one called. The woman looked up. Her sharp green eyes looked up toward the sound. A tall lean man with haggard cheeks and black circles under his piercing blue eyes walked aver to her. He sat wearily down on the stone of the floor, almost as if the simple action caused him great pain. _

_"Philip." she said softly running her hands through his shaggy and ill kept black hair in a vain effort to smooth it or to reassure herself that he was there, she was not sure. "You really must stop going out! It is dangerous, someone could see you." she said. Looking into his eyes. She had been so worried. The little girl toddled over to her father. Her face lit up in joy. Did she have any conception of what was going on? _

_"Dada." she said, stretching her arms out to him and clenching her tiny little fists. The man smiled and took his daughter into his arms. _

_"My little pearl." he said, kissing her forehead lightly. The woman wrapped her arm around her husband. The family sharing one last moment before the inevitable happened…suddenly the little child stiffened. Then she clawed fiercely trying to get out of her father's embrace. She panicked like a dog before a storm, a particularly horrible storm. And then the clanking of armor was heard. The little child looked up at her mother and father with sad, sad eyes. _

_"Where?" she uttered in her little child's voice, it was only hide-and-go-seek, right? Her mother silently pointed to a nook where the little girl wouldn't be noticed. She ran and hid, but toddled quickly back to her mother and father. She hugged them and kissed them and then running back to her spot saying, _

_"Love you mama, papa." Then she crouched down and was hidden out of sight. The man and woman turned to face the oncoming. The clanking stopped and a loud voice filled the little cave._

_"Prince Philippe and Princess Annelise, you are under arrest." the little child watch with a sense of foreboding. _

_"What are the charges?" her father demanded. _

_"Revolt against the new regime." the man said. "You can come freely, or forcefully." the man said. _

_"Please sir, we shall leave country go far, far away, just spare us. Please." her mother pleaded. The man looked at her and sneered, _

_"You are irrelevant, woman." he nodded to his guards. The prince and princess were not even going to leave the cave, so why even offer the choice? Other than to torment them with the small hope that they would escape. Inhumane. _

_The little girl watched as the soldiers drew their swords. A horrible clashing sounded. She shut her eyes and plugged her ears, trying to drown out the noise. Her mothers scream of anguish down out her own…she sat and waited, rocking her self back and forth. _

_It was just part of the game, right? Where was her mother, or father? Her mother was going to come around the corner and say "Boo!" and tickle her while her father would pick her up and hug her. _

_But when she turned her head around the corner the little girl saw her mother and father, laying beside each other, their faces twisted in pain, blood oozing slowly out of their cold bodies. Her mother's arm was outstretched towards her. The little girl walked over and closed their eyes and moved her mother's hand to her side. She place the tiny bear she had in between her parents. _

_Then kneeling in between them-she screamed. A high kneeing sound of pure anguish and lost…_

_But after all, it was only a game of hide-and-go-seek right? A terribly twisted game…that never seemed to end…_

I blinked my eyes rapidly. Everything was blurry. My chest ached from lack of air. The past? Why the past? Why did I see my parents die. I didn't want to see that. Not at all…

"Oh thank God." someone said above me. I became aware of the rocking motion. I looked up at Torin. His eyes shone with concern. I bit my lip. I would not cry anymore. The scream from my mothers throat echoed through my head, the very last noise that she had ever made. My throat felt hoarse, almost as if I had really screamed like I did all those years ago. I closed my eyes, my fingers twisting into Torin's shirt as I cried into his chest.

"Shh." he said, rocking me back and forth again, brushing the hair back from my forehead.

"Why?" I asked quietly. "Why did they even kill them? They left when it all started." I whispered.

"Tara, what are you talking about." Torin was worried, I could hear as much in his voice. He probably thought that I had gone crazy. I do not know.

Is crazy when you start to see the future and the past? When you hear your mothers anguished scream as they kill first you farther and then her? I had to laugh. Maybe I was crazy? But laughter, it cleaned my soul. Made me feel carefree again.

I put off my mother's and father's deaths. That belong to _Princess Tara. _Not Tara. And I was just Tara. A regular farm girl that was hopelessly in love with Torin. I sighed and sat up.

"Sorry." I said quietly. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

"Its fine." he replied. "But what did you even see to make you so sad?" he asked. Not asking me what I saw, but how I saw it.

"If I told you, you'd run away from me." I said. How would I ever, ever find out about this odd ability I had? I put it off. That like everything else belonged to the princess not me. And so, my heritage was covered in dust once more…

********

XoxOoX

**-two months later-**

As much I as tried to ignore my heritage, I couldn't.

Every morning I would go into the library and read my mother's diary over and over 'til I could remember every entry by heart. I marked my favorites, I underlined my favorite lines she wrote, I read eagerly about my father. But the things that I wouldn't touch were the Book, the letters or the history book. There was something wrong with them, so very wrong. But every morning after those days, for I only allowed myself that small please once or twice a week, I left it all behind.

I was Tara the farm girl that dressed up like a man to earn money for her family.

But try as I might it never left me. I was always falling into trances, about the past, my mothers wedding, my father, banquets, people, my grandmother and grandfather, odd places. Everything. At the worst possible times. When I was with Torin, in the fields, in the woods, when working at home. Raelin and Birkita teased me constantly about it. But I comforted myself with the fact that I was royalty, and they weren't.

But eventually my visits became few an far in between. And with in a month, I stopped going at all. And my past was forgotten, I lived for the here and now.

And slowly life became a routine. One that I actually liked…

In the mornings I would rise early so I could steal some of father's work clothing so that I could go to working in the fields. I grabbed a piece of bread for breakfast and scribbling in horrible handwriting with misspellings that told of an awkward hand or illegible person, where I was.

But I had nice handwriting. When I was a child I spent the days in the library, well when I wasn't with Torin. And Maxim taught me to read and write, quiet against the law I'm sure.

Then, I would progress to the fields. Work my plot, but at lunch I would run as fast as I could to a secluded area and then change into my simplest dress and walk back to the fields with a basket with lunch for me and Torin. And then when lunch was over, I'd run and change back into my field clothing.

On the rare occasions that I had my plot next to Torin's I would try to be as quiet as possible, but some-days it was like he was trying to annoy me until I hit him over the head. He talked and asked me questions, and it was becoming very rough on my throat to pitch my voice so I sounded like a man.

Then after field work I'd go to the stream and bathe, change into something more becoming, run home and prepare dinner for my family. Then after clearing the table and washing and cleaning up I'd run to my room and change, then meet Torin to walk around where we'd just talk.

But of course these activities left me with a lack of sleep that greatly hindered my work. Naturally, I plowed through. I was used to little or no sleep, but oddly enough I couldn't remember a night when I hadn't gotten eight hours before my routine began to develop.

Abruptly the daily…visions, though it wasn't the right word, stopped. I was puzzled. But I couldn't ask anyone to explain this to me, my secret could very well lock me out of society forever.

About two months after my visit to the library, things in town started to change…for better or worse, I would never know.

**XoxOoX **

I was walking with Torin in the woods. Like we usually did after we ate dinner with our respected families.

"So Torin, what is the news on this mysterious young man I have been hearing about?" I asked, listening to what Torin said about Ronan, or me was always fun.

"Nothing much. He never seems to talk to me, and has become even more mysterious than before, disappearing at lunch and then reappearing after it is over, I do believe that he found himself a woman, or a lover."

"Raelin will be very disappointed if that is the case." I said, feeling no sympathy for the little monster.

"Oh will she?" he asked, raising an eye brow. I nodded my head. He smiled slightly and then took my upper arm and pulled me behind him.

"Well, Tara I must say, you have quiet a muscle in that upper arm." I blushed, I knew what it was from, hours and hours of fielding crops.

"Yes," was all I said.

"Must be some extreme dough kneading." he murmured. I laughed at his small joke.

"Now, close your eyes." he said. I smiled but closed them.

"Alright, what is so important." I asked.

"That is for me to know and you to find out." he replied. I grimaced but kept my eyes tightly closed, letting Torin lead the way through twilight.

"Okay, open them." he said. I opened my eyes.

We stood in a small knoll with a sparkling stream the color of blood due to the sunset running through it. A small dark and weathered bridge crossed the river and the tress were covered with climbing vines that had flowers of a deep red to the softest pink on them, creating a wall almost. The flowers were draped and cut in an elegant arch through were we had entered the small knoll. In the center of the small area was a simple stone bench. I ran over and sat on it, relishing the last of the suns rays on my face.

"Do you like it?" Torin asked me.

"Mmm." I smiled. He laughed lightly and came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck lightly.

"I'm glad." he said. We sat with each other in silence, enjoying the little knoll until the sun went down. Then I started to get up.

"Where are you going?" Torin asked me.

"well, the sun set, I thought that we were going to head back to the village." I said stupidly.

"Oh no! Silly girl, this is the best when the moon rises." _When the moon rises. _I shook my head. It wasn't that, it couldn't be, I did not even know what that was referring to! The moon rises every month, almost every day, except for when there is no moon, a black moon.

"Oh, well, I didn't realize that. What is so special when the moon comes up?" I asked, sitting down next to him on the little bench.

"You'll see." he said, twirling a flower from the vines in his hand. He placed it behind my ear, and kissed my lips lightly.

"It is one of the most beautiful sights though." he whispered against my skin. I smiled.

"I can't wait." I laid my head on his shoulder and watched the surrounding area. Slowly everything turned very dark. I gripped onto Torin's arm, I had never liked the dark, I always felt like something was lurking in it, waiting to get me.

"It's okay, the moon should be rising in a second." he said. I watched the tree line desperately, growing more uncomfortable with every passing second. Then sliver light crept over the tree line, turning the dark leaves to a sliver green that made me gasp in surprise.

"Oh! Its beautiful!" I told Torin. He smiled.

"That's not even it yet, be patient." I nodded my head and waited.

Soon the moon was directly over the clearing. I gasped as everything changed. Yhe stream that had been blood red earlier looked what could only be described as liquid diamond. The leaves were the lightest shade of emerald and moved lightly in the caressing wind. The trunks looked to be made of pure silver, but as I looked closer I relized that was the ivy and its leaves. I looked at the flowers closely.

"They are midnight blue!" I gasped in shock, looking at them. I got up and walked over, caressing the petal I between my fingers. They were so soft. Torin laughed. I looked at him carefully. His usually white hair looked sliver, so did his eyes and lashes, while his normally dark skin looked washed out. I widened my eyes.

"You look different!" I exclaimed. Torin laughed again.

"That is the magic of the full moon my dear, everything changes." he whispered in my ear. I shivered and leaned back against his chest.

"Tara?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you something important?" I was puzzled, what could it be?

"Yes, Torin, you don't have to ask my permission."

"Tara." he paused and took a deep breath, he turned me to face him. "Tara, will you marry me?" he asked. I stood there numb, the words wouldn't penetrate under my skin. And when they did…

"Yes! Yes oh Torin I'd absolutely love to marry you!" I said, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him quickly.

"But what about our fathers?" I asked. Torin smiled.

"I got your father's blessing and my father's blessing." he told me. I smiled, suddenly all of the jealous looks from my sisters and then thrilled look of my parents made sense.

"This is perfect, exactly how things are supposed to be." I said, kissing my best friend, my lover, and my fiancée.

********

XoxOoX

**-The Castle-**

He looked out over the woods, the parapets of the castle providing a perfect view. He could see some smoke in the distance, smoke from the villagers' fires. He sighed and looked away. It really wasn't fair that they never saw him, or could ever take their complaints to him, but if he allowed that…things would be so much more complicated.

"Highness." some one said. The man over looking the forest refused to turn around see the other bow his head.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?" he growled. He sensed the man's hesitation. And then tentative step foreword.

"My apologies," he paused, seeming to swallow what he wanted to say, "it is habit, and somewhat regulation." the man said. The other shook his head.

"What do you want?" he demanded.

"well," here the man paused again, bracing himself or swallowing what he was about to say, "Ceneth, as you have demanded for the astrologers to find out, the moon rises at-" the other man cut him off, spinning to face him, his blue eyes glinting with rage.

"I don't want to hear it!" he yelled. The other man cowered away.

"My lord," he tried.

"I do not want to hear it! All right? I honestly do not care! Not anymore, how much long 'til my birthday?" he asked suddenly, surprising the other man.

"About four months." he whispered. Ceneth smiled grimly.

"I need a wife by then." the other man was relived, they had been trying to get the prince to marry for months.

"I'll contact the surrounding countries-"

"No, I need one of the girls form the village." he said, looking over his shoulder at it.

"My Lord!" the man gasped out, appalled. A mere peasant in the castle?

"I have my reasons, they are quiet good ones too, now leave me. I am weary of your talk."

The other man nodded his head and escaped away from those unsettling blue eyes.

The Prince sighed. How he hated this! How he wanted to be free of his folly.

He knew what that man was thinking. It was what almost all of them thought. How could I let a twenty year old boss me around like that? Grant it, he's the prince, but still.

If only they knew!

Ceneth sighed again and rolled his shoulders. He needed to get away from here, the castle made him tense. He walked over to the east side of the parapet, no one knew about this. Looking around he jumped over the side, seemingly dropping off and disappearing, but he was hidden in the thick vines that scaled the castles walls.

He clambered down them and walked off into the woods without a second look back. As he walked he marveled at the color of the leaves, blood red and orange in the fading sunlight. He stopped to lean against a trunk, enjoying the light warming his face. He shivered as the sun disappeared and a sudden darkness took its place.

He continued to walk along.

Not long later he herd voices. Curious, he followed them.

He found himself outside a ring of trees, draped heavily with ivy.

The voices he heard were coming from inside the ring.

He crept closer, so quite that not even the best predator would have heard him.

He carefully parted the ivy, just enough so that he could see. And what he saw took his breath away.

The moon was directly over head, causing everything to become silvery.

In the middle of the small knoll was a girl. She was laughing and dancing around.

His breath caught.

She looked fey, dancing around with her white dress, a bright beckon in the night.

Her hair, which had been up obviously only minutes earlier from what he could tell, cascaded down her back-a thick cloak of gold and silver.

She twirled and stopped. Facing him. Her eyes seemed to search his face-but she could not know he was there! He stayed still, for she wouldn't see him.

Her eyes later haunted his sleep. That incredibly unsettling violet-silver color.

She turned, sauntering back to a man sitting on a stone bench on the edge of the premises.

So, she wasn't fey, just a village girl. He smiled, this would certainly be easy.

He could she her graceful figure through the thin fabric of her dress, his imagination got the better of him, but he diligently stood there, looking for something that he could recognize for when he set off in search of a wife. T

hen he saw it.

A glimmer of something on her neck.

His breath caught once again and his heart sped up, was it?

Could she possibly be?

No she couldn't it was the moon. And the moon played tricks on your eyes and soul.

He quietly crept away. He would have her soon...

********

XoxOoX

**-Tara-**

I sauntered back to Torin's waiting arms. He enveloped me in a hug.

"You certainly are quiet silly in the moonlight." he murmured into my hair.

"Hmm." I hummed, "it makes me feel…different, almost…young? It's like I can do anything I can want, it is an utter sense of freedom." I sat trying to explain that incredible bliss.

"I guess I can understand that." he said quietly, kissing my neck.

I fidgeted with my green dress.

Should I mention that I felt like I was being watched?

Or would that not be wise?

After all the moon does play tricks on your eyes and senses… _The ultimate illusion..._

**XoxOoXoxOoX**

**A/N hey guys! So Welcome back the people that have been with me since chapter one and Welcome to the new readers just on bored! So this chapter was pretty much a filler, but I'm not gonna deny that I gave some VERY important stuff in here. Okay so, we met the prince, let me know what you think. I'll update soon, and as always, if you guys have any ideas shoot them to me in a review or e-mail! And also, I have a poll up on my home page, go and vote please? It wont kill ya! :D**


	5. Cat and Mouse

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter Five: Cat and Mouse**

I stretched and then groaned quietly. My arms were aching from the work! Or was it something else? It felt like something-no someone, had been squeezing me all night. I turned on my side, coming face to face with Torin. I groaned again, another night sleeping on the ground in the forest! But I was with Torin, and that is all that mattered.

I sat up, a crown of flowers fell into my face. I picked it off carefully and looked at it. The stems were wound together, effectively, but messy, so no girl did it. Maybe Torin had when I had fallen asleep. But those flowers weren't anywhere in the knoll, right? I looked around quickly, checking for roses and daisies. Nothing. But then…how? Maybe I was just jumpy after last night, it was nothing. I put the crown carefully back on my head.

I stretched, making sure to bump Torin in the process.

"What?" he groaned, not opening his eyes.

"It is morning!" I cooed cheerfully.

"Go away! Curse all of you morning people to Hell!" he groaned, filliping so his back was to me.

"Alrighty then, I wonder what hell is like!" I laughed.

"Go away, the one day I don't have to work in the fields and your all peppy waking me up!" he cried.

"For someone who isn't a morning person, you are very coherent." I whispered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, just wonder aloud." I smiled. He rolled back over, to face me.

"I'm going back to sleep, if I wake up alone or with weird things on me…" he trailed off.

"Okay Sleeping Beauty." I said. He closed his eyes.

I got up quietly and walked over to the edge of the ring of trees. I pulled at the ivy, something had been watching me, I was sure of it now. There was a small opening, just large enough to look into the knoll with. So that's it. About human height, so someone was watching me, but for how long?

I shuddered and walked away, I wouldn't think about it, it was too weird. I walked over the small foot bridge. Why was it even there? A waste of wood. The water was shallow, not wide and no current, so what was the point. The opposite side of the knoll was much like the other side, only there was an archway here too, but through it was dark, I shivered-it looked much too dark, especially since the sun was almost over head. I backed away- that place made me wary, there was something just not right about it…

**XoxOxoX**

The week had passed with blinding speed.

Torin didn't have to work in the fields, so neither did I. it was customary for the bride to spend the week of the engagement in the groom's home, so that could get to know each other…fully. Needless to say Torin officially has every part of me now…

My sisters were unbearable, they wouldn't talk to me, they ruined my clothing and through my bed out of the window, and whenever they did talk to me it was always and insult or a dig. The only time that they attempted to do the chores that I do after I'm out in the field, they spilt everything and completely ruined the house. I had turned on them and screeched, but of course this got me, in trouble, not those little brats. But not long after that, towards the end of the week they started to chatter excitedly, but of course if I ever asked what they were talking about-I got a glare and they walked away, some sisters…

**XoxOxoX**

Two days after I was rudely rejected information by my sisters, all work was canceled. The ladies of the village-the unmarried ones-were in an uproar, doing their hair, finding their mother's priceless necklaces, finding their best dresses. It was all very amusing. I on the other hand walked through the forest with Torin.

"What do you think is happening in the village?" I asked him, concerned. I was afraid one of my sisters would fall down and break her neck..

"Nothing." he said sharply. I looked over at him. His face was hard, his eyes were like ice.

"Torin, what is wrong?" I asked him.

"Nothing, just…try not to be too charming, alright?" I stared at him in surprise. What was he talking about? I surely had no idea. He suddenly turned us around and walked back to the village. The women of the settlement were all assembled in the main square.

"I love you." Torin said, kissing me and then leaving me with all of the girls.

"What's going on?" I asked. I received a glare or two. Subdued I hid in the back round of things, trying not to be seen.

"Line up!" a foreign voice ordered. The women immediately complied. What the hell? I stood where I was, I would not line up like some live stock. Everyone present in the square looked at me. I glared back.

"Tara, get in line." an unseen person said.

"No." I said loud enough for all to hear. Pounding hoof beats reached our ears. Everyone looked to the gates. A great black horse was reined by its rider just inside. Everyone collectively bowed their heads, everyone but me. The prince's blue eye were trained on me. I flushed. He was probably looking me over. I felt ashamed of my appearance, my hair mussed up because it had gotten caught in a tree, dirt and grass stains on my dress. I lifted my chin definitely and met his eyes. The silent staring contest continued until I was seized roughly by two guards and hauled into line. They hovered behind me to see if I was going to move out.

"Just go, it is bad enough an engaged woman has to partake in this…this…auction!" I hissed at them. The girls beside me smiled a rueful smile, but bumped the back of my hand. I recognized her as Lily, she was engaged also.

I was second to last, great, I am now officially a possession. that's was why I loved Torin, I was a person in his eyes, while in this asshole who thinks he has the right to look us all over like sheep, I was naught but an item to be bought. I watched him carefully. He looked each girl over, starting a friendly conversation with each of them, wife shopping, but why a village girl? He wouldn't pick me though, I'd be sure of that. Two girls away, and now one. I looked at him closely. He had a nice strong jaw, and straight nose, a beautiful mouth, and gorgeous blue eyes that seemed to be shining with happiness, or eagerness, or was it lust? I couldn't tell. He then moved to me. I clenched my hands, I felt no better than livestock! His eyes flickered briefly, to impatience, and hope? What would he be hopeful for? I stood my ground…

He was taller than me, that much I cold tell without having to make eye contact.

"Look at me, maiden." he commanded.

The air felt tense, heavy, charged, the calm before the storm. I herd some titters from the girls.

Rebellion. It wouldn't be accepted, not with good grace anyway. I looked up at him. His piercing blue eyes, shadowed by a curl of black hair, looked into mine, seeming like he was looking into my should. It felt like he knew what and who I was, like I had been stripped naked for him to look at because it merely pleased him. I smirked slightly at the direction of my thoughts, ironic, and dropped my eyes.

"I said, look." he whispered. His whispered as menacing, and yet his voice was still as thick and rich as honey, I felt stuck to it, a mouse in a cat's paw- me being the mouse and him being the cat. I didn't like it, it was time to turn the tables.

"why?" I whispered back. How courageous I was feeling, though my knees felt like a new born colts from the pressure, it was hard not be charmed by him

His hands were clenching and unclenching while, the other one was in a fist, shaking. I noticed this with grim amusement. He wouldn't take me away from Torin. Never. Besides, after my display he wouldn't want me to go to his infernal castle and play the good little dear wife. His breath hissed out between his teeth. His hand enclosed on my chin and my face was jerked up. His eyes swept over me, holding their gaze too long I the forbidden areas. I tensed. His eyes roamed my face again, and then flicked to my neck. Something in his eyes sparked, recognition, glee, and what could only be described as pure malice…my spine crawled, what was this creature?

"What is your name?" he asked me, forcing me to look him in the eye. I pursed my lips and closed my eyes. His hand jerked my chin to the right.

"I asked you a question." he said, running his finger along my jaw line, I shivered under his touch. My face was growing hot. I wanted nothing more than to jerk my knee up, it be perfect, good amount of running time…but could you honestly resist a prince one little thing? A name…mine…always mine, never his, no I wouldn't tell him my name, because then he'd repeat it and then he'd say it again, with a possessiveness and then I'd be his….rebellion.

"Of no concern to you…Dylan" I whispered back, grinning slightly, a small gasp came up from beside me, and a giggle followed shortly after. His finger stilled. He jerked my face so that I was facing him, I snapped open my lids.

"what does that mean." he said quietly.

"In my language it means selfish, pig headed, blunder of a man…" I trailed off, it didn't mean that, but…

"You bitch." he hissed.

"I may be a bitch, but hell, I will never be your bitch." I hissed, spitting at his feet. His thumb stroked my jaw line…it felt even more dangerous than before, even more threatening. His eyes looked at me contemplatively.

"Quiet right, May I give you a name, since you wont tell me yours?" he raised an eyebrow. I panicked.

"Maggot." I said.

"Ah yes, I shall call you Lilia." his lips lifted into a tight smile.

"That is a complement you know." I said quietly.

"As well is my little pet name from you Dylan- the Celtic god of the sea I think? Interesting that you should know that. So I have named you for a goddess…" he trailed off, looking me up and down again, I shivered "Though you are far from our dear Lilia." he said his thumb pressed under my jaw line, rubbing slight circles there, my knees felt like they were shaking. I ripped my face out of his hand. Soft hands, no calluses, only a couple rough areas, form hunting and riding horses. His hand were how mine should be, could be if his damned country didn't ruin mine. I stared at him definite, with a small laugh he moved on tot the next girl, a friendly conversation, like he had with all of the others. I breathed a sigh of relief, finally it was over. He would just say which girl he wanted, and then I could go back to Torin, and we'd walk through the wood or go racing on our day off…

He reached the end of the line. He talked with Torin's father-Ahren. Ahren nodded his head and then called out to us, "Girls, you may go home, you have nothing better to do! Now shoo." I lingered, looking around for Torin, but he was no where to be found, I wonder if he left so he wouldn't have to watch some basted handle his fiancée?

I turned to go when I herd my name. "Tara, come here." I walked over to Ahren, he was one person that I wouldn't disobey, probably the only one next to my fiancée. "yes sir?" I asked. Avoiding the prince's searching look. "Well, dear, you shall be going to the castle and…"

"marrying the prince." I finished in a dead voice, my world came crashing down with those words, I didn't feel it though…could I fee?.

"Yes."

"In case you forgot I am engaged to your son!" I said, yes, anger was good. I wasn't as cold on the inside, besides it was some sick joke, right? Like that game of hiding seek long ago, a sick and cruel joke.

"Yes, I know, but this is quiet a privilege and-" the prince cut him off.

"Let me talk to her." his voice thick and sweet, sickly so.

"Yes, of course." Ahren bowed and left. Making us the only two in the square. He gripped my arm and started to tug me suddenly to an alcove, where I highly doubt that we'd be seen, making things much worse for me, for he could do what he wanted, he was much to strong for me to handle...

"Get you fitly paws off of me." I said, snatching my arm back, yes anger is good, rage is better. He let go, but backed me into a corner. Cat and mouse again.

"Why do you always get to be the cat, and I the mouse?" I asked, trying to delay what was ever coming, but my voice was dead, it didn't distract him...

"Oh come on, my dear, that was not the question you wanted to ask was it?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Why me?" I couldn't keep that pitiful note out of my voice, where had that red hot anger gone? I looked for it in panic, I needed it! And it had abandoned me, like everything else I knew...

"Are you that daft? Or pretending to be?" he asked me, his thumb stroking my jaw again. I shuddered, why couldn't he just talk and leave me alone?

"Can you keep your hands off of me?" I asked.

"No, you're too irresistible."

"Shut it…" I couldn't call him the supposed name he didn't know, and it was the first one to pop into m head, how was I supposed to know? "Vilis." I finished off, knowing that if he knew what this name meant, it would get under his skin and sit there, like glass.

"Oh, you decided to rename me, have you?" I kept my mouth closed. His hand enclosed around my chin, he jerked my head to the right again. I looked at the wall, waiting for him to let me go.

"You, are not a proper girl, not at all." he whispered into my ear. I clenched my hands in surprise. He placed a kiss in the hollow under my ear, his lips lingering longer than necessary. My hands started to shake, only Torin was allowed to touch me like that! I was engaged too, how dare he?

"I'm giving you a choice, something I wouldn't give anyone else." he whispered, his lips grazing my ear. I bit my lip, holding back a moan. How could someone I'm not engaged to have this effect on me? Or is it that stupid animal instinct? Or…

"No."

"Let me try to get you to see my side of things?" he whispered, his lips grazing the little hollow under my ear, I bit my lip again, what the Hell was happing? He placed a kiss there. His other hand coming up to rest against my cheek, while that hand that had been holding my hair back rested on my other cheek. He turned my head to face him. His eyes scared me, they were stormy and had far too many emotions running in them, and his black hair made him look as if he had just finished running…after me.

My cheeks grew hot in between his hands. His fingers gently stroked the skin under them. Tears formed in my eyes. This was persuasion? He might call it that, I called it rape. He studied my face for a moment.

"Why?" I asked again.

"It is very simple you see. Most of the girls were to bland. A couple were prettier than you, but far to bland, no spirit. And as a prince I have everything could possibly want. And of course your little talk of you never being my bitch, such a harsh word too, it made me want you. For you are unattainable, and the fact that you belong to another, makes you an even more delicious prize." he said, his eyes searching my face lazily.

"So once you get me, then what, you'll have me, no more challenges." he laughed,

"Yes there will be, making you forget the one you love, and others, which I'm sure you will come to se as soon as they pop up." he said.

"No, I will never be yours." I said, my voice faint. He raised an eye brow. And then kissed me. Lightly just a grazing of the lips, that made my knees buckle. Is that why so many girls cant resist him? Because he has some irresistible charm? I thought of Torin.

"No, stop." I whispered, his lips moving with mine. He pulled back. Waiting for something.

"No." I said again, my voice as faint as a hummingbird's heart beat. This time he was less gentle, he moved my lips in unfamiliar patterns. He was still careful, but demanding. He pulled back, searching for his answer.

"No." I said again, my voice still surprisingly fait, my knees felt wobbly, like I was still learning how to walk. I leaned against the wall behind me. The third time was too much for my senses. His body pressed against mine, pressing me father into the wall. His hands wound it the tangle of my hair and I grabbed onto him to keep from falling. His lips moved mine in the unfamiliar patterns again, wild gasps came form either of us, which one I'm not sure, but they were probably me. His tongue coaxed mine into a game of tag. I came up for air, his lips moving down my throat to my neck when he gently took the skin there into his mouth, a low growl rose in his throat, and his lips were back on mine, his body pressed closer than before. His hand cupped the back of my neck, while his finger traced an odd pattern over and over. And then I realized what was going on, I ripped my mouth away, gasping for air.

"Well?" I herd him ask, his voice completely normal. My head was spinning, everything was hazy. What had he asked me? Oh yes I remember now, he had asked weather or not I liked roses.

"Yes." I said, for I did like roses. I heard him laugh, it was really quiet malicious, why would roses make him like that? I slipped down the wall, remembering the question for real this time.

Shit.

**XoxOxoX**

I woke up slumped in the corner with a wicked headache. Where was I? why was I hear? What had happened? Pinned to my sleeve was a small piece of paper.

"Three days." I whispered. Just three days until the inevitable. Why had he even "convinced me?" there was no point, my opinion was irrelevant. Kind of like my mother's suggestion all those years ago…where women really so irrelevant? Or was it just the big ego of man? And if we were so irrelevant, then how come he had to "persuade" me to go with him, and why did they kill my mother? After all, we are irrelevant-there was no point in any of this. I sighed and got up, gripping my head as black spots danced. I grounded lightly and then walked to the fields.

Torin was where I thought he would be, sitting in the middle of the middle field where no one of the waist high crops had been cleared. I sat down next to him. He didn't look at me, he didn't speak, he sat staring ahead. I couldn't take it.

"Torin?" I asked, my hand hesitating over his shoulder. "Torin?" I tired again. He turned to look at me, his eyes were burning with hatred and anger. He grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm behind my back. I cried out in shock, rather than pain. But at least I felt it right? No, it wasn't emotion, just physical pain.

"How?" he asked me, his voice deadly quiet and calm, something that I have to come to recognize as scary calm.

"I-I don't k-know wh-what you a-are t-talking about." I stammered, afraid of the look in his eyes.

"How did he pick you?" he demanded.

"I don't know why." I lied, "I was a rude to him as possible."

"Liar." he said, "Tell me the truth."

"I do not know why he picked me." I said. Torin looked at me funny. My wrist was starting to hurt and my shoulder. Why did h have to grip me so tight?

"How long?" he asked me, his eyes cooling considerably.

"Three days." I whispered. He released his breath, it came out as a hiss between his teeth. Torin grabbed my other wrist and twisted it behind my back.

"Did you agree." he commanded. His face was inched from mine, his grey eyes were the only thing that I could see.

"What does that have to do with anything? I have to go anyways." I hissed.

"No you don't you have to go of your own accord. Did you agree."

"Yes, but I thought he asked me a different question." I whispered a tear leaking out of my eye, the brush of pain and grief that brushed my heart turned my veins cold.

"You agreed?" he yelled. I flinched back, I had never seen this side of Torin. "How did he make you forget the question." he whispered.

"Well, er…" I stopped he didn't need to know that information.

"Did he touch you." I nodded my head. The grip on my wrists tightened. I cried out in pain, but his grip did not loosen. He made a sound like a growl in the back of his throat.

"Torin?" I whispered. He stared over my head. "Listen, I don't want to go! We will figure it out, alright? Lets just enjoy these last few days. Please?" his grip loosened and he encircled me in a hug. I buried my face in his chest, trying not to cry. And we enjoyed our last moments together, as a couple.

**XoxOxoX**

"But Father!" I tried again. My sisters and mother were out of the house, as far away from me as possible. My "father" was a very intimidating man, towering a head and a half above me, with brown eyes that always seemed to be flashing with anger or contempt. His auburn hair was even intimidating, always a neat and kept as a judge. And of course, it did not help me in my current situation that my father hated me and loved my sisters, never mind the fact that I always cooked the meals. But of course, it made sense for him to hate me, he knew my heritage and that made me better than his daughters and the fact that I had "nabbed" Torin and gotten engaged, made him even more furious.

"There is no discussion on this Tara!" he said, clenching his fingers into a fist, like he would do every time you talked to him. He worked on the council for the village with Torin's father, and there fore was very respected and highly thought of.

"Why? Because I am a woman! Is that it? Tell me!" I shouted, unable to keep tears from slowly winding down my cheeks. His eyes tightened. The only noise was the fire crackling.

"You have already embarrassed this family with you behavior at the square with the Prince, with your skin, with you out bursts, and your ability to read and write." he hissed.

"You will not do so again by not going to the castle." I stared at him. None of that was true! Except maybe the square. He was trying to get Raelin and Birkita to read and write, and my skin, well what could I do about it?

"It's because I am a princess, isn't it?" I asked quietly. He looked taken a back by my statement.

"No, not at all-"

"You do know that I can't help it if I look foreign, right?" I asked him.

"Tara!" he started.

"Save it, you can't tell me what to do, I am not your daughter, those little wenches that out thought were going to get the throne for you aren't even worth a piece of moldy bread." I had to congratulate myself on not cursing.

"Why you-" I cut him off again.

"Do not speak until I am done! You may have to respect of everyone in the village, but you sure as hell don't have mine!" I hissed. I turned on my heel and walked upstairs. I entered the loft and got out a big bag that was used for horse equipment. I put dresses in it, took some of my lovely sisters jewels, they would fetch me some money. Sighing I stood up, and picked up my bag. I walked down into the kitchen and took some bread and put it into the bag. I exited the house. Two nights until they came to get me…great, just great…My life had seemed to constantly be going down hill since that day so many months ago…I walked briskly through the village, and straight in to the forest, with just a sliver of moonlight to guide me..

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N Alright, so the scene with the Prince, that is the closet thing you guys are getting to a lemon, so don't even ask for one, alright? Good, I am happy because I finally got this up and I got my new album, via itunes! Offspring baby! Okay, so I shall talk to you all again on Thursday or Wednesday, 'til then mdears! Oh and lemme know what cha thought of this chapter!**


	6. Blips

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter Six: Blips**

I stopped walking, my calves burning in protest. I looked around dumbly.

Something tickled at my memory, a light feather brush. I would have looked around, but honestly, did it matter? I couldn't feel anything, it was like my brain had disconnected from my body. My feet moved.

I vaguely wondered why. Everything was hazy. I looked at the sky instinctively.

That sliver of moon was, if it was possible, smaller. Not even as wide as the whit on my pinkie, if I had felt like comparing. I stood still. Casting my eyes around. It was dark, much to dark. And cold, very cold for summer. Or was the cold coming from me radiating off my numb body?

My awareness was down. A white rabbit skittered across my path. Just after it had vanished my eyes focused on the spot it had been.

My knees buckled and I fell forward. I thrust my hand out to stop my fall. I twisted under me and the hung uselessly at my side in an odd angel. An odd pulse was coming from it. I tried to move my fingers, but they wouldn't respond.

I laid on the ground, my face turned to the side. I now remembered where I was. It was that other part of the knoll that I had been in. how long ago was that? A day? It felt like a year… my eye lids fluttered. Why where they doing that? I hadn't told them to. I laid still watching the darkness. Then my eyes closed. If it hadn't been for my lashes touching my cheeks I wouldn't have know. I tried to open them, but it was like they were glued together. The haze in my head became fog. I could no longer think. And then it cleared away, but I wasn't myself to appreciated. I struggled against the inevitable, but it had its way...

_A girl in a flimsy white dress danced around the knoll. The moon's rays shined down on her like her own personal spot light, causing her golden skin to take on a silver glow. Her gold and silver hair fanned out around her as she twirled. She suddenly stopped and peered around. Her unsettling violet eyes shimmered like silver. She seemed to shrug it off and continue her dancing and laughing. My eyes followed her. Her hair flipped over her left shoulder reveled a small scar of sots. Glowing with brilliant light on the right side of her neck. I couldn't make it out well enough, but it was enough. A confirmation. She was the one I needed. I quietly slunk away from the shadows._

_She laid on the ground, her face to the side, the lantern's light casting an odd glow over her dark features. Her face was twisted to the side, her blood red lips open slightly, small breaths whispering over them. I approached her carefully. Her left arm was by her side, the wrist bruised and swollen, the finger purple and bruised. I lightly brushed her snowy skin. Was she the one? Her other arm was splayed out in front of her, reaching from something it seemed. I looked in to the darkness, a bag was sitting a foot from her reaching hand. I lightly put my fingers to her throat, a faint pulse struggled against my fingers. I pushed her raven hair back and looked at her closely. Her black brows were drawn together, making frown lines on her head, her delicate nose winkled in disgust or with smell. _

_"Hello?" I murmured to her quietly. She shifted the littlest bit, untangling of her legs from the long black dress that opened to reveal the expanse of her snowy back that was lightly sprinkled with the shiny whiteness of scars. _

_"Are you alright?" I asked her quietly._

_Her eyes opened briefly and flicked toward me, and then closed, her lashes flutter against her cheek, almost as if that had been too much for her. Her eye scared me, they made my heart race and my breathing hitch with fear. Black, black as the night sky was now, for all of the stars had disappeared, they found no reason to shine while there was no moon to guide them. I sat back on my heels and willed my heart to slow. I looked at her for a long moment. She'd be fine if I left her. that's when it caught my attention. On her next, on the right side a crescent moon was intertwined with a roses, its leaves and stem wrapping the moon in an unbreakable embrace, hardly bigger than the pad of my index finger. She then screams, high and piercing, what could only be described as 'bloody murder.' I wince at the volume._

_"No!" she screams again, moving her arms to clutched at the sides of her head…_

My eyes snapped open, my breathing was ragged. But my mind wouldn't process what I had just seen, just my body. It was responding to that, that…dream? My system slowed down, the spasm had run its course. I stared into the darkness. That odd pulse was at the base of wrist, oddly out of tune with my beating heart. My eyes closed, my breathing deepened, and my heart slowed.

Behind my eyes images danced, but they were not strong enough to form a vision. I caught little blips of them. Just tiny ones. A blue rose, the silver haired girl, the black haired one, Torin's face, a maze, a old stone wall, a heron's feather with blood dripping off the tip onto snow white pages, and me, screaming a name- Ceneth, the name wrought with pure agony of loss.

The images stopped and my body shut down. But I couldn't welcome it, for what was the point of sleep?

**XoxOxoX**

I'm cold, so cold. Why?

My body convulsed with the coldness, my teeth clicked together, sounding like a foreign tongue. Why am I so cold?

Is it from lack of love? Am I actually one of the creatures that needs love to thrive?

My head hurts, so does my heart. Why this pain? This unbearable pain.

I shivered again, so cold. The ground is so cold. I wrench my eyes open.

No moon, so dark, so black. I screamed out, my fear taking place of common sense.

It is infesting me! Evil winding its way into my cold heart and soul.

"No!" I yelled, no, I will not be taken. I struggled.

But the cold, so comforting, just close my eyes, and sleep, that would shut it out, maybe my heart would pump warm blood into my veins, not this ice that it thinks is blood.

My hand throbs painfully when I pick it off of the ground and clutch the side of my head with it.

Something picked me up off the ground.

I tried to scream, but their mouth was over mine, silencing me with a kiss, a bruising kiss, full of anger, and hatred, but it seemed to have a soft edge, the softness of concern, no I am imagining the concern.

I know I should pull away, this isn't whom my mind aches for. But I can't it makes me warm again, I can feel. I grip onto their shirt. They pull back, breathing hard.

I don't open my eyes, I am too afraid of what I will find, for I am going by instinct, and instinct is always right, and if I see in reality I will not survive, I will argue with what I know is right.

I search blindly for the source of the warmth, they cradled me closer against their chest. I whimpered, for I am still not warm enough! My veins are filled with snow now, sluggish and reluctant to melt.

My fingers searched for their face, I find it and trace their features, not absorbing any of it. I find their lips and rest my fingers there. I am not as cold, on the outside, on the inside the coldness is spreading, I tried to protest against this, but I cant make noise.

I want warmth, why is the snow getting colder?

I feel like ice, one more drop and I shall break. I want it to go away. Why won't it go away! Why can't I feel warm again! Why?

I feel my heart kick into a frantic rythm, pounding against my chest, as my breathing becomes hysterical.

I want to feel my heart beating normaly i want to hear that steady rythm that is not swayed by much, feel my blood in my veins, but I feel nothing, just ice.

I wonder if I am dead. That brings a shattering feeling. I tremble, I do not want to die. I scream again. I want it to let me go! Their mouth is on mine again, quieting me. I feed off of them hungrily. When they pull back, I whimper, the strongest protest that i can offer at the moment.

"Sleep." they command.

And I drop off into a dark chasms, is it sleep or my new cold heart?

**XoxOxoX**

**I'm sorry about the really weird tenses used in the part above! I originally wrote it in present tense and then I couldn't figure out what verbs I needed to change for it to be past! (I need to go back to school!!) Sorry guys!**

**A/N Just a very short chapter for my peeps before I leave! And it is not a filler because form what I understand of fillers, they aren't important and authors us them to slow down the story. Alright, I don't know bout you guys, but my stomach is fluttering from that last part, and I wrote it! See if you can guess who's eyes she is seeing form in the first part and her rescuer. Oh and shoot me if it sounds like Bella after Edward leaves in New Moon(2 Days!! :D:D:D) Alright! Peace and do not forget to shoot me a review with what you thought! **

**Song to check out: Half-Truism by the Offspring- Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace. (its' reallllly good!! :D)**


	7. Distractions

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter Seven: Distractions**

I did not open my eyes when I was aware that I was awake. I did not want to. I could not remember what day it was, or were I was. I slowly flexed my muscles. Starting at my feet. I flexed my toes, my ankles my calves, my thighs, my abs. and then I went to the arms. I flexed my fingers, but on my left hand they would only move a fraction of an inch. My right hand was fine though. I flexed my wrist. My left one throbbed painfully.

My eyes flew open and I bolted up, cradling the hurt wrist to my chest. I whimpered softly. It was wrapped up in cloth with a flat stick of wood bracing it so I wouldn't move it too much. I hesitantly prodded the bruise. I clenched my teeth when it sent searing pain throughout my system. I took deep breaths. Easy, easy.

I laid back down and finished my spot check. My shoulders hurt a little, as did my neck, but there was no major damage, except maybe to my wrist. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked. I was in a rough feeling material that rubbed uncomfortably against my back.

I closed my eyes as soon as the pricking of a headache started in the back of my skull. I heard a door open quietly somewhere. It was really far away from where I was laying, I must be in a cottage…but what would I be doing…? A hot cloth on my forehead made me tense and then relax as it eased the hot pricks of the headache. My left wrist was lifted tenderly and the cloth was unwrapped and the split taken out. A cold cloth was wrapped around my wrist and then was held up by soft fingers that danced like moth wings against my skin.

I heard the door open a second time.

Where was I?

Someone reached under my neck and pulled my hair out from behind me. They pulled it over my shoulder and started to run a brush through it. Odd. I could do that. I heard soft whispers above me. Slowly I opened my eyes.

The whispering stopped and I heard two gasps. Two pairs of eyes were focused on me both a bright blue, a lot brighter than mine. I looked at them uncomprehendingly. Where they my sisters? I tried to lift my head up, but someone pushed it down, the person with the soft dancing finger tips.

"We need to tell him." One woman said in a soft yet firm voice, with a deep accent.

"No the poor dear just woke up." the other replied to the first in a very firm motherly voice that lilted like a little girls.

"She has been asleep for the past two days. What ever he did to her, it put her out for a while. Besides he seemed anxious."

"Not yet, and what makes you so certain that she even knows where she is?"

"Nothing, but still he told us, and I remember, 'Come and get me when the girl wakes up.' therefore we must go get him!"

"She is wrapped up in a towel…do you think that is a good idea."

"Well, its not like he hasn't seen practically naked women before…"

"Paxton! Shut your mouth."

"Kela, you know that it is true…"

"Yes, but he has ears everywhere! You must be quiet!"

"It's his castle! Of course he knows everything that goes on in it!"

"We can't get him yet."

"Fine, we'll get her dressed incase he wants to see her right away." they broke off talking and one of them helped me sit up.

"Can you sit by yourself dear?" The woman with the soft little girls voice asked me.

"Kela!" the other one scolded lightly. I looked at the woman helping me sit. She was of tall build with a graceful figure. Her blue eyes seemed to go perfect with her white- blond hair. She must be from somewhere else.

"I can." I muttered. She smiled and let me go. I gripped the towel closer around me and started to get out of bed.

I looked around at the small room with the rough wooden floor and the small fireplace. There was a rickety table next to the small bed too. I walked over to the door and noted the large room that double as the sitting room and the kitchen. There was a door leading form there to what I supposed was a bath room I turned around and hid in the door way shadows.

The two women were talking to each other quietly, I could barely make out the words.

"Why would he put her all the way out here?"

"I haven't a clue. Maybe he married her and then divorced her?""Or maybe she's here to break the curse…"

"No, fate isn't that kind. For all we know it will be another hundred years until she is found."

"Then why is he so worried about his birthday? He has never feared it before."

"Are we…going to age…?"

"No, that won't happen!"

"Shush!"

"Why! We know it won't there is some nonsense in that book of his he always reads. Something about Gods and Goddesses or something like that."

"You don't believe it?"

"No!"

"Then explain our current situation…"

"Which one? Tending to her? Tending to him…ug, I hate it when he asks that and he's drunk!"

"Shut up! Do you know who could hear us?"

"Well, you agree with me!"

"Shut up already! I was talking about the situation in which we are kinda…oh I don't know…not-"

"Where's that girl?"

"I don't kn-"

"Hello." I said stepping in and smiling. It hurt my muscles so much. I dove down deep inside of me looking for a heart beat. I found it, thudding quietly behind ice. My veins felt cold…

"Where have you been?" _whoa…de ja vu_

"Looking around." I replied.

"You're awfully quiet."

"What can I say? I'm light on my feet." I gripped the towel closer in and effort to be warm. I tried to think of the last thing I remembered, but I couldn't get to it…I looked at the two women.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"Uh…" one said, that I now knew was called Paxton.

"Well, what would you like to hear?" The other girl asked me, she was Kela I told my self .

"Um, that I'm at home? And I fell ill?" I tried with a weak hope.

"You've been out for two days…he…uh that is…well we, yes, we found you in th woods and we brought you hear because we were afraid for you." Replied Paxton with halting sentences, like she was deciding what to say. I watched them with a dark feeling in my stomach.

"I had a bag with me…where is it?" I asked them. They pulled it out from under the bed.

"May I have a minuet?" I asked. They nodded their heads. Two days…I had left on day one…so day three was today…could I really pull this off? I opened my bag and looked through it pulling out what I would need. I surveyed what I got out grimly…yes I could do this…

**XoxOxoX**

**-The Library-**

He paced in front of the fireplace restlessly. What was wrong with him? He had found her, everything would be fine now.

He winced slightly as he though about their first encounter. He shuddered when he though about the second.

He walked over to the first bookshelf and pulled out a worn red book. He flipped to page one hundred and read it, again, and again. Sighing he placed it back.

So far everything was like it said…but fate must have something in mind, for she had never let him get this close…He sighed and paced again.

The door creaked open and a woman in a clingly black dress slipped in. She sat in a chair. His eyes briefly flicked to her, taking in her bare shoulders and low-cut neckline, the way her gold hair was piled upon her head and the way her bored periwinkle eyes watched him. He sat down in the other chair and hung his head in his hands. He heard the girl shift and she came to stand behind him. Her slender arms dropped over his shoulder and she started to toy around with his shirt.

"What's wrong?" she asked him, her voice low and breathy. He raised his head and looked at her. She moved around to the front of the chair and sat in his lap. Her hand reached up and she ran it through his dark hair.

"Nothing." he muttered, avoiding her eyes.

"Liar." her sweet breath fanned across his face.

He looked back at her. But he didn't she her golden hair or her washed out blue eyes. He saw another face looking at him. He blinked to clear himself of the image. He just needed a break… he leaned in and caught the girl by her shoulders and pulled her to him. He kissed her roughly and then caught her up in his arms, he left the library with her in his arms, thinking that this really wouldn't fix anything…

**XoxOxoX**

I walked through the gates, ignoring the questioning looks from the guards. I pulled the sleeve of my left arm down farther. I walked into the same square that I had grownup in…I looked around it, no one was around…odd. I thought back to what I knew…it wasn't much. How could I forget everything, so quickly too?

My heart thudded duly and then I couldn't hear it anymore…I had been hoping so much…I reached into the basket on my wrist and took out bread…I paused with it halfway to my mouth… of course! The fields!

I fiddled with the kerchief on my head and the bun. I pulled a couple strands down to frame my face. When I was done I turned on my heal and walked to the field. The guards stopped me when I faced the direction of the fields.

"Name, Miss, we have never seen you hear before." I see his dirty thoughts of me that were plain on his face.

"I'm a second cousin to one of the workers, I come from an ally country…I wish to spend time with him…" I said calmly.

"Your betrothed?" he asked me, his face falling.

"Yes." I replied and walked off.

The guards that handed out the pay and took the crops also stopped me. I told them same story. I walked through the plots, trying to find Torin. It took me a while but I found him, far back in the lot closest to the forest.

"The field is almost cleared." I observed dully.

His head shot up and he looked at me with a frown between his brows. I looked at him too. Some how he was already different. His eyes were cold and hard, while everything else about seemed to scream out to me to run. I smiled briefly, finding that my blood as hot again.

"Can I help you?" For the sake of my identity I kept to my story.

"Don't tell me you cant even recognize your own cousin!" I said with a slight laugh. His expression turned from one of annoyance to shock and then suspicion.

"Hmm, does my cousin have a name."

"Whatever you want it to be." I said with a wink…what had happened to me…

"Well then." he blinked looking at me with something along the lines of grief.

"Let us talk? Now would be a good time, no?" I asked.

He nodded his head and turned around to get his shirt. Together we walked into the forest. I longed to reach out and touch him, when were far enough away not to be heard I turned and faced him.

"Lets stop here." I sat on the ground and opened up the basket, pulling out an apple.

"Want anything?" I asked, gesturing. He shook his head no and then studied me.

"Who are you?" I sighed and placed my apple in my lap. I reached up and undid my bun and took off the kerchief.

"Tara?" he asked me, a suppressed hope in his eyes.

"In the flesh." I said with a dry smile. He smiled brilliantly and looked me over head to toe. His eyes lingered on my left wrist.

"What happened?" he asked me, rage darkening his face and tainting his tone.

"N-nothing, I f-fell." I stuttered, his sudden anger making me scared.

His hand suddenly reached out and grabbed at my left wrist. I gave a small cry. He ignored me, his face still dark. His fingers wrapped around my broken wrist. Slowly he increased the pressure. I cried out once and bit my lip. But he continued to squeeze my damaged limb. I was sure that he was taking all his rage out, just on my hand instead of the way men normally dealt with their anger- shouting and sex.. His face was still dark, but in his eyes was the unmistakable gleam of joy of causing pain and malice that flickered along his mouth too in a ghost of a smile. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. I felt faint with the pain. I screamed, my instincts taking over. I jerked my hand back, causing more pain to shoot up my arm, but he was too strong and he jerked me forward and into his chest. I panted against him, still struggling to get lose. His grip eased gradually until he let go completely.

He was quiet for a minuet and then his face was buried in my neck and his hot tears were rolling down my shoulder. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him, my mind numb.

"I'm sorry." he whispered again and again.

I stared over his shoulder, holding his shaking body…my wrist seemed to have heart beat of its own again, it hurt when I moved it even a fraction of a millimeter. I looked at it. The clothing was pressed in. Careful to keep my arms around Torin I unwound the white cloth.

On my wrist, above the swollen bruise where it was broken was another bruise, red and purple and shaped like a hand. My breath caught as I looked at it. My mind would not process it. With a sense that something horrible was happening to those around me I wrapped it back up, making sure to cover it.

"It's not you fault." I told Torin soothingly. _But it is_! Something argued with me.

He sat up and looked at me, his face dark with rage.

"You're right. It's his." he spat out.

"Torin, if you angry then I don't want you touching me." I said calmly.

Regardless of my words his arms wrapped around me and pulled me against his chest. His mouth caught hold of mine and he kissed me hard and roughly. I tried to tear away from him, but one hand was holding my back and the other holding my neck so I couldn't move. I punched his chest, ignoring the pain that went through my wrist. I cursed it silently. The hdan that Torin had placed on the small of my back caught both my wrist and held them away from him. I made a noise of pain when he grabbed my left wrist, but he misinterpreted it for something else. And slowly, very slowly, the innocence that I had clung to for nineteen years fell away…

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N Damn! My character where being naughty! They wanted me to write more about their….er…you know whats, but I didn't feel like it. Besides Tara was pretty pissed with me at the direction of the story…so…and yes, I'm not joking, this wrote itself. Sorry it took so long, they weren't cooperating with me! Okay thank you Kela and Paxton for letting me borrow your names for a bit. (Btw my people- they said hi and Nicole is yelling at me right now…idk y though…) So guys as usual- gimme a review? And lemme know what you thought and what can be edited(Pm me or do so in a review)? Okay Peace :D**


	8. Barriers

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter Eight: Barriers**

I refused to recognize what my tortured mind saw what it knew, my heart wouldn't let me. He had become an animal. A man who sees the world against him and everyone against him. He had his thin thread to reality taken.

I wanted to cry for his loss. But I couldn't, something held the tears back. I argued with my self back and forth, the truth under the surface, waiting to be broken free. My protective barrier shattered.

Malice. Total malice. The joy of causing visible pain. It brought a gleam to his eyes, the gleam of joy. A ghost of a smile to his face. Shit. Was this a side of his personality he kept from me? Was he truly…horrible? Evil? No, Ceneth was evil right…? Torin wasn't, no, he was just… not okay. But neither was I, I was far from okay. So far…What could you say to that?

My wrist had been an accident. I was okay. I was sure of it. He was just injured, wounded. that's all. We were to be married. No, Torin wasn't the bad or evil one. Ceneth was. Yes he was the evil one for putting Torin into so much pain. For taking me away. Torin was good…pure…nice. Him. Not Ceneth

**XoxOxoX**

I looked up at the wrought iron fence that ran the length of the village I once called home. Was it my home still? No it couldn't be mine, not Tara's anyway. Maybe if I adopted a new identity? No it would never be mine again. I ripped off the extensive scarf and beads. I sighed and slunk away, careful not to be caught. That wasn't my home now…and it would never be mine again.

**XoxOxoX**

I ran to the library, compelled to at least get something of my past. I crept quietly past Maxim who was restocking books and occasionally dusting. He kept muttering to himself, something about deities. I moved to the shelf in the back that held all of the family histories, even mine. I found the books at the end of the shelf, looking harmless and like any other books that recorded deaths and births.

Sighing I stacked them together, thinking how I would get them across the gate. My basket slapped against my thigh. I laughed quietly at my stupidity and placed them gingerly in. I tucked cloth around them and then hitched the basket higher up on my good wrist.

I stepped out of the library and into the square, at a brisk walk I went to the gates. I hesitated though when the guards came in view. Would they be told to look for me? To bring me back by force to that hell hole? I would have to confront the prince sooner if I did that. I looked around. He would wake up soon, I needed hurry. I stopped my questions and scolded my self. Ceneth was the evil one, not Torin! Why did my mind keep insisting that Torin was the evil one? I sighed and trotted through the gates, smiling at the guards and sticking to the road that led to the castle.

When the town and guards were out of sight I veered into the woods, keeping close to the roads. I walked along at a leisurely pace, delaying my confrontation…and yet it must not have been slow enough. Soon, too soon, the castle rose out of the hills. I sighed and headed the direction I was supposed too. I looked down at my basket at my books. Why had I brought them? I tired to remember…but I couldn't. I sighed and trekked over the hill, accepting whatever the hell fate was going to through at me.

**-The Dinning Room-**

He turned the crystal glass idly, watching the blood red liquid licked the sides and then stain them with the color. She sat at the opposite end of the table, glaring at the ceiling, and yet looking beautiful in the tight fitting silk white dress with the deep v-neckline to her waist and a slit up the side where her silver clad foot rested out idly, trying to tempt him.

She narrowed her periwinkle eyes at the ceiling. Was she losing her touch? She thought that he'd at least comment on the pin in her hair…he had given it to her after all. But no! he sat there staring at his glass, not saying a word that that damnable smile on his face and his blue-grey eyes lost in thought. She wanted access to his head, wanted to know what he thought, hat he planed. Ironic that she didn't have it, considering he trusted her the most of everyone. And what did she have over it? Cryptic little remarks that made her wonder what he really meant…she sighed, the sound seemed to grab his attention. His eyes focused on her.

"What is troubling you, my dear?" always so polite…she watched his eyes, trying to detect the hint of amusement that she knew he felt. She sniffed and settled for this, at least he was talking…

"It 'tis nothing. Just wondering why my lovely dinner partner is staring off into nothing like some school girl." she replied, arching her brow. He smiled lightly then, she searched his eyes waiting for the motion that she knew he was feeling to creep into them, but it was pointless, he never let that happen.

"Now, my dear, do not get all school girl like with me just because I find the empty air much more bearable that your face or voice." he responded, looking her in the eye. There was no smiled on his face, nothing but that stone look. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks. He smiled then, a slow smile, malicious… she grimaced slightly.

"You look flushed. Is it too hot in here for you? No, it couldn't be, seeing as you are wearing practically no clothing, really…why would you let yourself walk around like that?" it seemed like genuine curiosity- she knew better. She stayed silent ad picked at her food, sometimes putting a bite in her mouth.

She wonder quietly what ad him in such a mood. She looked up at him through her lashes. He was staring again, but anger making his face dark and twisted. She marveled at how handsome he still looked. She sighed wistfully, but he didn't hear. She smiled slightly. His eyes flicked to her and abruptly the display of emotion stopped, his face became hard again.

"Really, my dear, it is not nice to play with your food." he said in a chiding tone, she noted how his had not been touched, was he trying to starve himself?

"What put you in a bad humor?" she asked suddenly, not regretting that she had broken the one silent rule about their dinners together. He raised an eye brow at her and put his finger tips together.

"Well it could be a number of things, the state of my country maybe? The fact that I have no wife and that the council is pressing for me to get one? Maybe my upcoming birthday? Or maybe it is having to sit here across form you each and every night, watching you change with each passing second while I stay the same?" he replied cryptically…again. She sighed and shook her head.

"You never make any sense." she said simply. He smiled and raised a brow.

"Good. I'm doing my job right." he replied. She scowled though.

Why as he so damn untouchable?! That made him irritable, of course…but that was why she was here, to be the untouchable one, the one that fulfilled his fantasies when castle life got too hard and yet…he never fulfilled the role like he was supposed too! She hated it how she was supposed to be the one with no soul or heart and yet he made her seem like gold and rotten for wanting him! How did he do it?

"I hate it when that happens," she said simply.

"Ah, great then." he said simply, being straight for once, or so she thought… ", fate has gotten you on my bad side as well!" he face ceiling ward and raised his hands, "Why? Why must you be so cruel dear mother?" he asked. His fist hit the table with a thump. He looked at her through his lashes. She struggled to make sense of the world. Damn, how did he do that? She wanted to know desperately. She felt like the roles had been reversed. He took up his crystal glass and tipped it back, draining the contents. She swallowed and waited for it to happen.

A girl walked in the dinning room. The woman at the table looked at her with hatred, what was a servant doing in here during her dinner? The girl stepped forward some. He noticed her and motioned her to his side. She stepped forward carefully, aware of the venomous gaze of the woman seated at the table. She reached her master and quietly whispered into his ear. His face broke in to a smile. The woman at the table caught her breath. Why did he have to look like that. He turned to her, his silver blue eyes twinkling with mirth. He nodded to her.

"I bid you ado my dear." he got up and walked to the massive cedar doors. When he reached them he paused and turned around to face her.

"Please do get some proper clothing before we meet again." and then he left her to sputter behind him. She stabbed at the meat on her plate viciously and drained her glass. With a sigh she went to find an off duty guard or bored noble man.

**XoxOxoX**

I sighed as I collapsed back onto the bed. The door creaked open and angry foot steps sounded, getting closer to me. Paxton's brown hair came into view, followed by her blue eyes and the rest of her face.

"Where did you go." she demanded.

"Out." I said simply, closing my eyes. Her hands clamped down on my shoulders.

"Where!" she demanded, shaking me a little.

"To the village. My god! I'm sorry." I said, holding up my hands in surrender. She detached her hands from my shoulders and placed them on her hips.

"Do not ever leave without my permission again." she said. I rolled my eyes a little.

"You'd think I was the solution to the national debt or something." I muttered. She looked at me, her expression very dark.

"You have no idea." she said and the turned on her heel and walked out. Sighing I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes, watching the blips and spurts of colors that bloomed behind my lids until sleep claimed me.

**--**

_She runs, her feet pounding down on the rocky and frost bitten ground, her skirts hitched to her knees. Faster! Her mind whispers. Her knees shake. The ground is getting closer and closer to her face. She jerks up right, her foot tripping over a rock, she falls, at the last moment she twisted to her back. She cried out in pain as she thudded to the barren ground. Must protect the child. She thinks. She gets up, a sharp fragment of shale cutting into her palm. She moans in pain and wraps her dress around the palm. _

_She hears something and her head snaps up. She looks around bewildered, the sky is a wash in an eerie glow of red. Like blood. She moves forward again. Faster! Her mind urges her on again. Grey trees husks flash by, wraiths in the dark night. She looks and see this moon. A thin sliver of red in the black sky. She watches in horror as black vines wrap it in a tight embrace. _

_She focuses on the ground again, dodging the trees in her way she glances back up, black roses are blooming along the vines. Oh! She thinks. She turns to look behind her shoulder. _

_A man runs after her. She tires to push her legs faster, he is getting too close. She looks back again. He reaches a pale hand out to her, his black curls flying widely and his sapphire eyes look afraid, his mouth is twisted into a grimace, he calls for her to stop, but no words move past his lips. She slows a bit, should she? _

_There is a kick to her stomach. She looked to the trees begging for help. But the stand still. Grey sentries of the forest, not daring to help, only to hinder. She glances warm yellow light ahead. The child kicks her again. She runs. _

_Another man stands holding the lantern, calling her name, she is almost to safety. She looks behind her, the one chasing her seems distraught she slows, watching his face. She approaches the man with the light and stops. The man chasing her, the one that wants to hurt her, slows too. She watches them. _

_The man with the light smiles and beckons her, the other tries to talk, blue roses fall form his lips. he looks at them, and his ashen face goes even paler. His hands are red with blood. It drips from them to ground with a sickening consistency. She moves to the man with the light, she steps in the circle, too late she realizes that she made the wrong decision… _

_She watches the blue eyed man with desperation. He tries to step forward, tries to say something, but he is bleeding so much, from his hands, from his lips, the blue roses fall. she shieds away from him and into the silver blade of a knife. She gasps as it pierces her heart. _

_The man with the lantern pushes the blade deeper into her heart, she screams, he laughs, he enjoys causing pain… Her lifeless body falls to the cold ground littered with shards of shale. _

**--**

I bolted up right, gripping my heart, feeling a ghost of pain. My breathing was heavy and ragged, getting caught up in my throat. I inhaled and exhaled. It was just a…vision…they don't come true, they are part of the past or the very near future. But that could never happen. It was just a dream, it didn't seem real.

I rubbed my eyes tiredly and looked in the general direction of the fireplace, whishing for its warmth. The liquid shadows moved. I jumped and shook my head, it was just me seeing things, yet the shadows moved again. I laid back down, it was just Paxton or Kela, I told myself. I sighed and hut my eyes, counting as high as I could in my head.

I heard something shift next to me, I fought to hold my composure. I hear the strike of a match and then a candle flared to life, causing my eye lids to go pink. I opened my eyes slowly. _Its just Paxton or Kela. _I repeated to myself over and over. Yet the eyes I met were a brilliant blue. _Just Paxton or Kela_. I repeated, but the loose black curls that feel in to the blue eyes proved me wrong. I screamed. They gave a low laugh, a bitter one, resentful.

"Hmm, and here I was so hoping that you be happy to see me, Lilia, should have know that you would try another silent rebellion without anyone here to witness it." he smirked at me.

I clutched the blankets tighter to my person, trying to hide from that unsettling gaze. He smirked again and reached to his side. He held the long slender blade to the candle light, his eyes focused on it. He brought the point to my heart.

"Now, anything you want to pass on?"

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N Hmm, intresting chapter. sorta fun to write. looks like i have a debate going on... owel! hope y'all enjoyed it! let me know what you thought. :D**


	9. Heaven and Hell

**When the Moon Rises**

_**Chapter Nine: Heaven and Hell**_

He wondered vaguely if there was something completely unmoral about everything he had done in his life, not this one life…all of his lives… Every little lie, every woman he cheated with, every bruise and soreness of the body he had inflicted upon her skin…

Was there really a point in changing his character with his record? Most would say yes- bust as he saw it, he was going to hell. But aren't I in hell? His thoughts were unsettling, but they wouldn't let his tortured mind go. Isn't Hell where I thought I'd become the very thing I hate…the criminal I fought to destroy? And now I am that thing I hate the most…therefore I'm in Hell…but what does it matter? His morbid thoughts continued on relentlessly. Would anything he had ever done matter when his soul should finally die out? Would _they_ accept him back after his treachery so long ago, would she ever accept him back into her heart, even after all of the pain, the damnation he had cast upon them both?

No, she wouldn't. He knew that. He didn't have to even question her character she loved the other man…the man that had put him in Hell in the first place…. But she wouldn't accept him back; she did not forgive that easily.

His hands clenched convulsively, his arm moving up around the woman's throat, he tried to relax himself, so that he would not hurt another one. He buried his face in the woman's hair; she groaned and rolled into his chest, her bare arms sliding around his waist. No her, he would not hurt… He shrugged off his thoughts and kissed along her collar bone. He could get some revenge now, the rage within his heart was a great fire for lust, it fueled that physical drive… His lips attacked her throat, sliding away from her tender bruised skin to her lips, he devoured the poor girl. She was gripping him tightly to her, begging him to just get on with it, the teasing was driving her insane. He smiled as he ducked his head down so he might, once again, reach her throat. She groaned and pulled on his hair.

His lips traveled away from the girl's collar bone to the delicate curve of her throat.

Yes…it was all working out perfectly, even this part.

And with the anger of his nature fueling his natural physical drive… He easily got her into his bed. But it was part of his master plan, not pleasure, just a plan, and mother fate was smiling down on him tonight….

**--**

He lay propped up on his elbow, looking at the woman next to him. Yes, she was pretty in her own way, not the average beauty of women… but no her sister elegant and regal beauty. No…she was more…wild, fiercer and untamed type of beauty. He smiled, the adjectives certainly fit her…his mind skimmed over the events of the last couple hours.

She shifted in her sleep and a small sigh escaped from her lips. He controlled his grimace as he looked at her. She was so…mortal.

He shuddered at the thought of mortality. He could hardly remember those first fifteen years of…not knowing…but it was peaceful…not having her haunting his thoughts…his limbs grew weak and fluid. He groaned and held his head as it throbbed. He may hate her, but his body did not. He yearned for the caress of her hands and lips. He groaned again and rested his head on his knees, his eyes squeezed shut in the agony of his pounding head.

Why? Why am I doing this? I love her. I love her, that's why, but how do I know for sure? Isn't love so close to hate? But that urge…its still there…that urge to hurt her, hurt her so bad, just like in the memories.

He had to distract himself, like he all ways did when this pain came around… Blue eyes instantly shimmered behind his eyelids. His breath hissed out over his teeth as he convulsively clutched his head. No…anything but those unsettling blue eyes. He focused on Raelin.

The pain receded, and he was back. He looked at the ceiling a lazy smile dancing over his face. His eyes traced a willow…the silver etched onto Raelin's skin…she was only half complete…half of what he was, but he could make her whole… just in time for what he would need her for. With his smile still bright on his face, he banished thoughts on Tara…but held one closer to his heart.

That pathetic human lover of hers would be dead by the end of the next three months, and he'd do it personally this time. And he wouldn't be lonely in his cold stone grave…Lilia would be with him and they would be forgotten in the ground forever…

**XoxOxoX**

**_-Little Cottage-_**

He sat by the fire, the chair cushioning him, swallowing him because it was so deep. He wished that it would just swallow up his restlessness.

He noticed with a sort of passiveness that the fire was fading into a dull glow, the remaining wood splintered, the fissures alight with a crimson red. Soon the fire would be nothing but embers. He wondered if that was how everything worked. A brilliant flame, slowly fading as it lost fuel and then to settled to a dull glow and then to embers, destined to die and no longer be naught but ashes on the wind. His thoughts disturbed him, but how long had it been since they had been happy and light? Too long.

He let out a deep breath, but the tension did not leave. His foot shook as his tapped it on the floor, his hands clenching the arms of the chair. His head lolled back and his eyes searched the vacant ceiling. A mist stole across his vision and there was a slight tapping. He jumped at the sound and struggled to hear it, but there was nothing there. He released a sigh and then stared back at the fire place.

His finger trailed over the hilt at his side. An intricate carving was etched into the black iron dagger, and an opal, the gem of life. That was her sense of humor, he knew her so well. Something shifted in the room.

Quick as a cat he was on his feet, dagger out and facing the noise, but it was just the girl. He relaxed his stance, letting out his breath in a sigh again. He studied her carefully, as he had done every time he had encountered her. She looked different, almost like she had in the square, but something was off. He didn't know what…but it was something.

He heard the tapping again. He whirled around to face where the noise was coming from, but as before when he focused on it. He sighed, seethed his knife and sat back down.

"Why is it whenever I see you, you always look different?" he asked her absently, returning to his previous chain of thought before the odd noise. But he was disappointed, getting no answer form the sleeping girl. Of course, you never did answer the important questions. He thought darkly, his mind quickly cataloguing all the memories he had with her involved in them.

His eyes closed and he was drifting, lazily sorting through his life. Different feasts, balls, celebrations…before he knew that something was wrong with him… the smells of the remembered tickled his nose and the remembered music haunted his ears.

A sudden tapping jolted him, wild eyed he looked around, but there was nothing. With another sigh he fell back against the chair, tiredly rubbing his eyes. When was the last time he slept? Something was making his mind dull, dull and heavy. It seemed that a well remembered voice was whispering in his ear a lullaby. _Sleep, sleep, sleep. _The only thought that penetrated his quiet mind, each flashing brightly and demanding that the command was obeyed.

With a heavy sigh he slowly sunk. And then he fell of the edge that separated the waking world from the sleeping

**--**

_The scene was vaguely familiar to him. He wondered why he couldn't quick grasp it. _

_He studied the surroundings intently, it was almost within his reach and then his mind slipped away to something different, like the smell of the roses. The roses, yes he noticed those first. They were everywhere, attached to their mother bush, their scent cloying and sweet, clinging to his every move. They where many different colors, red, yellow, white, pink…he looked around, his heart skipping beats, where were all of those blue roses? Those roses that haunted his nightmares, waking and sleeping. But just as he grasped the thought that was breaking through, his mind noticed something else. The willows where tall, their branches sweeping gently against the soft grass. The air was cool, but not cold, warm, but not humid, the mild comfortable weather of may… his gaze still flicked about, taking everything in. The bottle that stood up, the two crystal glasses, the basket and the blanket which he sat on. His eyes found something he hadn't noticed. _

_A woman in a simple white gown was twirling in and out of a willow, her hair threaded through with roses and daises. Her laugh echoed through out the glad as she danced, swaying on her feet after she twirled around on too many times. She held her arms out to balance her self. When her eyes rose to meet his she grinned. He felt his lips stretch in a smile back. She gracefully walked over to him. Her golden ringlets pinned back by an ornate clip that was partially hidden by her crown of flowers, and her golden hair moving in time with her walk. _

_She gracefully folded her legs and sat down on the blanket next to him. Her tongue moved across her lips wetting them. He smiled sensing the second meaning to the gesture. The reached for one of the crystal glasses and took the bottles by its neck. With a practiced hand she poured the blood red liquid into the glass. She twirled the goblet around a bit, the red wine staining the side. She lifted the glass to her lips, the red liquid stained her cream skin and the edge of the glass. _

_She smiled a bit and leaned back on her elbows, looking at the sky with a dreamy aura about her, he watched her curiously. His thoughts tried to shift away form her, to something else, but just as he was losing interest, she caught his fancy again There were dark purple patches under the white of her dress, he wondered vaguely where they came form. It occurred to him, not for the first time, that she wasn't necessarily a free woman. _

_She laid down, her long hair fanning around her like a halo. She licked her lips and shut her eyes, her dark thick eyelashes resting against her sharp cheeks bones. She snapped her eyes open and propped herself up, looking at him with a wild look in her bright blue irises _

"_What is my favorite flower?" she asked him suddenly. He felt her voice rushing over him, calming and cool, with a cadence that made her sound like she was singing. He smiled a bit at the question._

"_The rose." he answered, knowing that in her usual way she would go on to explain why. He could almost quote her word for word on the next part, but he much rather liked to sit back and just listen to her voice._

"_But not the plain old red rose, it does not the charm and beauty of the white rose… There seems to be something innocent about her, but her petals hang raucously around her face, undone hair to a woman of flesh. And she is boisterous with her scent, so cloying and sweet, to make the teeth ache at times. And yet… the scent remains intoxicating, seductive to say the least. She appears with the air of a courtier, but she is a league away form the women…" she finished in a whisper. "She and I are not unalike…" He thought he heard the last part to her little rant, but he wasn't sure, she had spoken so softly. _

"_Very insightful." he commented, just like he had the other times they had spoken of this. She sat up, balancing her chin on her hand, and holding her elbow…watching him with her unsettling eyes._

"_What has put you into a bad mood? Normally you talk more…" she declared, her forehead wrinkling._

"_Nothing, but I can't help but thinking about you leaving tomorrow. Surely you have not forgotten?" he asked her. Panic flitted across her face, her throat constricted and she was struggling for breath, he made a move toward her but she held a hand up. Her brow smoothed and her breathing was normal again, but she seemed small. Her knees where pulled to her chest and she held them there, her arms wrapped around them._

"_No. no, I remember that I am to leave tomorrow…" she shrugged her shoulders, shruggin off her suddenly sad demeanor. She grabbed his hand, her small milky white ones contrasting sharply with his tan hands. "Yes, but, today is your birth-day! Let us celebrate! Not shed any light on our darker thoughts!" she smiled. _

"_Yes, I know… And that was an oxymoron, dear. But really, I never see you anymore…" He told her, she smiled sadly in response, her eyes where sad, frightened._

"_Yes, really I am sorry that it was to be so. You know I love you…right?" she asked him, a brilliant smile melting away the fear that had stolen into her eyes._

"_Yes, I know." he replied, lying back on the blanket, his hand cushioning his head. _

_She rose and walked over to the fountain in the center of the ring they were in. With a jolt he realized that he hadn't noticed it. He studied the fountain careful. It was large, with a mermaid in the center, beautiful carved. It seemed so alive, however the clear water spouting from the statues mouth ruined the affect. She walked around the fountain, trailing her fingers along the edge of the rim, she circuited the fountain several times before she chose a spot and sat down. She patted the place next to her. He sighed and got up and walked over to where she was, sitting down on the cold stone. She rested her head against his shoulder._

"_Are you in twentieth year?" she asked him. He smiled._

"_No, twenty-second, closer than last time…why do you ask?" _

"_Not a reason, just curious. I am only twenty…well, I've had my twenty-first birth-day, I just don't feel twenty-one…" She smiled sadly. He studied her carefully._

"_Are you well? You seem to have some-thing off around you…" _

"_Yes, I'm fine. Tell me, do you love me Ceneth?" He looked at her, shocked that she could even ask him that when she knew the answer._

"_Yes, of course I do." He her fingers dug into his bicep with crippling force, he winced with pain._

"_Love takes your choices away." she whispered. And then a second later: "Tell me, how much do you love me?" he gently took her in his arms, resting his head on top of hers._

"_So, so much." he replied, kissing the top of her head._

"_Would you give me something? To, you know, prove your love?" she asked him innocently._

"_Well, I can't give you some things, like the moon, or my country, that wouldn't bode over well with my parents… but what would you like? Anything can be yours, well within reason." he whispered in her ear. She smiled and looked up at him._

"_I want…to give you something." she smiled. Her eyes were cold, frozen over, cold and calculating. The look caught him off guard._

"_Um…well depends…what is it?" She tapped her finger against the side of her lips a cold smile spreading over her face._

"_I got just the thing! Close your eyes." He eyed her carefully, _

"_You're not going to push me into the fountain, are you? Because if you do, I might just have to take you with me and when I am sick, I expect you to nurse me back to health." She smiled at him sadly, a chill crawled up his spine._

"_No you wont get sick…ever again" she whispered, and then louder, "No I'm not going to push you into the fountain, I'm just going to give you a present." He looked at her reproachfully, but closed his eyes, just as she had asked.. _

_She placed her hands on either side of his face, her fingers splayed wide. He could feel her blue eyes searching him for something. Her hair was tickling his neck as she rested her head on his shoulder again. _

_"I'm so sorry. You do know I love you Ceneth…you know that right? You know how much I have sacrificed for you?" she whispered softly, he almost thought that he had misheard. _

_He was about to say something when he felt her sweet breath on his face. _

_And she was speaking, quickly, quietly, her voice taking on a cadence as she spoke to him in a language in which he no understanding of. Each time she paused at the end of a rapid fire sentence he felt something settle heavily over him. Chains binding him down almost… She stopped speaking the language, she was quickly for a moment, and cold was blooming in his chest, taking his natural heat with it. He was going cold. She spoke to him again so that he could understand._

"_Please try to understand, you never would see me again, ever if I did not place this. I am not free, I need you to understand that, please Ceneth, try to understand what I have done." _

_Her voice was pleading, he did not really hear her, he was so cold… something was pushing on his chest, his breath was held captive in his chest and he struggled back for the air he needed he splashed into the fountain. But the water was freezing, numbing him, covering him in a deep blanket, taking his will to live away. _

_He opened his eyes to look up. A face was clear through the ripples his fall made. He knew that face. They were screaming his name, desperately trying to get to him, their hair was in the water, swirling and moving with the ripples. Cinnamon and black. He hated her. _

_The water soothed his thoughts as a mothers hand would sooth a troubled brow and his lungs ached no longer, he sunk into a sleep he knew he would never wake up from… _

_Now you see._

**--**

He shifted in the chair, his muscles contracting, his thoughts pulling away from the meandering corridors of his mind…where forbidden memories laid in wait, he struggled to remembered the dream, but he couldn't…every time he almost had it something small distracted him.

He relaxed his mind for a second and a single detail assaulted him, he knew it was true and his blood was set boiling under his skin, red shading his vision. Her. She was the one that did this to him. His hands gripped the arms of the chair as he fought to get himself under control.

He heard her heavy breathing, she was so close…it would be quick and painless…all he had to do was take out his knife and hold it to that little throat of hers, one downward stroke and…His sight clouded as he saw her laying in the bed with crimson liquid blooming across the sheet around her. He made a move to get up. It wouldn't be hard…he wouldn't regret it. He wasn't able to think, only that intense anger and hatred boiling under his skin.

He heard her gasp and out of the corner of his eye saw her shape sit up. She was breathing heavily. He got a light pleasure from that.

He was imagining her in his head, a white night gown, stuck to her skin due to her cold sweat, her chest heaving, her hair stuck to her forehead and trailing down her shoulders and then her blue eyes wild and wide… he smiled a bit. The tapping started again. He focused on it quickly but he couldn't here it anymore.

With a quiet groan he fell back into the chair.

The anger…the hate… it rushed through him in another tidal wave. So violent this time that he jumped to his feet, walking over to her bedside he light a candle. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and terrified. He smiled at the effect he seemed to have on her. She was borrowed in the covers. He quickly drew out the knife at his side, studying it carefully in the light. She was breathing hard, he eyes never leaving him.

He smiled a bit and then expertly flipped the knife to her chest. She shrunk away, her lips tight in her efforts not to scream. The silver mark flashed on her throat. _Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. _The tapping again, he quickly focused his attention on it, but it was gone. He sighed in frustration and looked at her closely.

How in the name of Hell did he get the curse off without going through what was in the red book, she had to know… She must know what she did to him… The knife pressed into her chest. She screamed then, loudly and shrilly. He a smile crept over his lips.

"Hmm, and here I was so hoping that you be happy to see me, Lilia, should have know that you would try another silent rebellion without anyone here to witness it." He smirked at her, she gripped the sheet closer to her body, trying to shrink away from the knife point. He smiled and laughed a bit again.

"Now, anything you want to pass on?"

She pulled back farther against the headboard on the bed, her throat was exposed, perfectly innocent… He was trained to kill, his head was filled with all of the ways that he could slit her throat without her feeling a thing, cut it so quickly that she'd be dead, or he could snap her neck… _Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. _He ignored it this time. The tapping would just go away. And suddenly it was getting louder and louder, blocking out his deadly thoughts and filing his mind with its wring, yet his hand did not waver. Five faces swarmed in front of him. He knew each, knew them well, loved them even… he was wondering what was being shown to him, when he saw it. On each woman, on her neck was a silver crescent moon wrapped in a roses embrace. His hand shook. Was that why the mark was so important? Was she something related to his curse, was she the solution…he didn't quiet understand it. _They are one and the same…_Something whispered to him. How could he have forgotten? Was his rage as great as to block out his reasoning?

He looked down at his hand that was holding the knife, it was shaking slightly he pulled it away, and seethed it, a look of horror flitted across his face.

He sat down on the edge of the bed abruptly, his bloodthirsty thoughts gone. There was something the same about each of these women, something that he wasn't aware of. He struggled to figure it out. He heard her shift father away from him. It hurt for some reason. His head dropped into his hands, he knew that if anything had been in his stomach it would have come up. He was disgusted with himself.

He looked back over at her. She was looking at him, her big blue eyes where fighting something, fear and indecision he wondered what she was thinking about. Probably weather or not to run.

His eyes located her wrist. It was wrapped in snowy white linen, dotted with little red marks and there was a splint in it. He was sick with himself again, had he done that? Or…no she was like that when they brought her here…right? But still…

"Did I do that?" he whispered. Her eyes met his, the indecision was strong, malice lifted the corners of her mouth up.

"In a way." she whispered her voice soft, gentle and caressing like a mother's, all together too familiar. He studied her wrist carefully, but her voice was haunting his memories, where had he heard it before? Had she sounded like that in the square?

"In a way?" he repeated. She nodded her head. "May I see it?" he asked her.

She hesitated, watching him carefully, considering, but she held out her hand to him, gingerly holding her elbow with her good hand. He saw the intense fear in her eyes. She thought that he was going to hurt her? No he would never hut her…he never could before. His fingers stilled as the hovered over her arm. Before? How had he… sudden restricted memories flooded his mind, each one bringing so much information with it. He sighed and held her arm carfully, his mind processing everything.

It made perfect sense. It made him anxious that he was taking the new information in a great length… His fingers found the edge of the wrapping and he slowly undid it, his fingers barely ever touching her. He balled up the soiled linen and placed it in his lap, the splint on the bed. He held her broken wrist carefully. There were several shallow scrapes, each bleeding, her wrist was swollen and purple and blue, with fresh bruises. That puzzled him. He reached out and took the wet cloth in the basin that the maids had left. Her gingerly then cleaned the bleeding cuts, listening to her breath as he worked. Did she realize the same thing as him? Did she know before? Did she know what her fiancée had done to her, would do to her? The bruises took a shape suddenly, a very familiar shape. A human hand… His breath hissed out over his teeth. The bastard… He looked up at her. She was watching him carefully, but her eyes were calmer than they were a minute ago.

"Who did you see today?" He asked her. She looked at him, in shock, she quickly snatched her wrist back, grimacing in pain, her lips tight to keep her cry of pain in her throat.

"N-no one." she whispered.

"You saw your fiancée didn't you? Don't lie to me Lilia, I know you did." her eyes connected with his, her anger flaring.

"It's not his fault! You took me away from him! He has lost his reasoning! He didn't know what he was doing! It's all your fault! Everything always is! It was accident…" she cried, small tears escaping out of the corners of her eyes. He pushed down his responding anger at her. She had no right to be on the receiving end… her lover, however? He had every right.

"You can't honestly tell me that you're angry with me for taking you away from him. You can blame me thought if you want Lilia," he said to her, some of his anger leaking he stood up, glaring at her a bit, "but only if it will make you feel better. Because no matter what you tell yourself, I wasn't within his skin when he did that to you, when he hurt you more. It will only get worse form there. Admit it to yourself first, you saw that look of malice on his face. Listen to me Lilia. I. Was. Not. There. I didn't make him do it…" he whispered. She looked up at him, more tears trailing down her face, she held her wrist against her chest.

"I hate you, I hate you. I HATE YOU!" she yelled at him, her pinks turning red, her voice loud and shrill, cracking a bit a the end. He smiled lazily.

"If that makes you happy." he drawled. She glared at him, infuriated. He laughed a bit. "Tomorrow you will be moving into the castle. You will stay within your quarters, you will not pitch a hissy fit, and you will behave. Am I clear?" he she lazily, knowing that it made her furious.

"I hate you." she whispered. He smiled again.

"You'll get over it." he said back, turning on his heel.

He shut her door behind him and took the only key to the room out of his pocket, locking it. He then proceeded to the front door and locked that one as well.

He ventured into the night, his troubled thoughts his only company and as he walked away form the cottage his thoughts faded and the anything that he was thinking was that it quite unintelligent of him to forget to bring a coat, it was fall after all…

**XoxoOxoX **

**A/N~ I like to call this my heaven and hell chapter!(that is the title after all…) but sadly I am the only one that knows why! Yay me! Sooo…what do you think? Oh and if you cant figure out who's who and who we are following in this chapter- here's a hint- ones Ceneth and ones Torin…pretty obvious if you ask me…but…whatever so lets move on hmm? **

**Well anyways, nothing is fixed with Tara right about now! There is a poll on my homepage. Vote! I cannot update unless I get enough votes! Ya'll have until…the end of January! Got it? Next chapter we get into more stuff yay! So everyone who's a silent reader and to those of you who like to talk to me(review in other words) VOTE OR YOU AIN'T GETTING AN UPDATE! Okay! So love you people and MERRY CHRISTMAS! And other December holidays! (to each his own is my motto!)**

**VOTE, VOTE, and once again~ VOTE!**


	10. Unraveling

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter 10: Unraveling**

**-Rose Room-**

Little blips that were memories or dreams, she didn't know. Names that she had never herd, nights she never remembered, it all haunted her. And when she would look at him there was always the lurking feeling of seeing him before, being with him before. And then there was blood, scarlet and bright on the white paper. But then even that was gone and there were memories. Memories of a young girl, her black curling hair held away from her face with a white kerchief and the blue dress and modest aprons. Of this girl going about the castle, doing work and the quick, secretive glances at the prince. The fluttering in her stomach as she thought of him, of their night ahead. Then even that was gone and there were pictures of other women. She struggled to make sense of it all. What was happening with all of the pictures that appeared in her head?

She didn't know what they where of, she didn't now why they were there. Another one assaulted her. A woman with golden hair and brilliant blue eyes, always with two men, one was the prince…again. She was with him the most, but the other man? He hurt her, yes he had hurt her so much, and she could still feel the pain of it all- the intense pain that assaulted her body, of scars and cuts hundreds of years old. Would they not stop?

She curled in on her self, shuddering and abruptly they disappeared and she was left alone with her thoughts, and everything was silent. With a deep sigh she drifted into sleep, her mind shutting down on the images of the women…

**XoxOxoX**

**-Ocean Room-**

I stood in the center of the room, eyes closed and my fingers pressed to my temples. Sometimes it was just absurd how rich these people were. I sighed and opened my eyes, once again taking in the room. I hadn't seen it before, which led me to believe that on the rare occasions I had worked at the castle, it was in a restricted wing of the "manor".

The walls were painted, an expensive feat within itself, not only was the paint expensive the color was as well, a very light blue accompanied by a cream color. From the ceiling hung a massive light sapphire chandelier and I fought to hold down the bile in my stomach as I looked at it. The floor was carpeted, another expensive commodity and the furniture was made of some dark wood, probably ebony, that contrasted with the light airy colors. I sighed and sat down on the bed. It was surprisingly low to the ground and covered with a thick white comforter and, of course, a number of pillows fluffed to perfection.

My head ached and the sunlight streaming through the floor to ceiling windows didn't help it at all. I rubbed my temples, grimacing when I moved my left wrist the wrong way. I felt dirty.

It was an abrupt notion I had, that I just really wanted to take a bath or something. I stood up.

He said to do whatever I felt like doing, as long as I didn't run away. Which of course he made sure to enforced that rule by putting me in a room in a tower that had a straight drop to a cliff and from there to a narrow river. And it have to be a tower, there was just no other option. It seemed to me that we had just about covered every cliché within the book, the only thing missing would be me falling in love with him and pushing my fiancée off a cliff.

I sighed and moved to one of the two doors in the wall, half hoping it was the bathroom and praying that it was a way out.

I was sorely disappointed, it was just a massive bathroom with more windows, more blue, and more cream, this time in the form of marble. I rubbed my fingers against my eyes and took a deep breath.

There was a door on the other side and I moved to that door and opened it slowly, expecting nothing but everything. I was not disappointed in my guessing at the extravagance of the next room. It was nothing but a closet. I stared at it amazed.

They had even painted there too! Dark green that seemed to shadow the room making the dresses appear to be shadow people. I stood in the door way, gaping at it. The room must have been as big as my home in the village. I walked the length of it. Forty paces by forty paces. That was insane! The walls were covered with clothing and the floor covered with shoes and different boxes containing hats and jewelry. I rolled my shoulders and my neck, turning my eyes to the ceiling were yet another chandelier hung.

"What the hell?" I finally yelled, thoroughly annoyed. I moved my fingers through my hair and looked around at all of the dresses. If these were to be mine then I could certainly change out of the itchy one I was currently wearing.

I sighed and looked around, starting with the rack on the left wall. Nothing there was simple, same with at the second wall and half way through the third. I was started to get frazzled when I came upon one dress I could wear and not feel like a tramp. It was white with no embellishment and a curved neckline. I slipped into it, feeling the cool satin on my irritated skin.

The sleeves went to my elbow and then belled out, a weird type of sleeve for me. I had to hold the dress above my feet so that I could walk. I had never owned a dress that swept the floor, there was no point in a dirty village. I opted for no shoes and looked around the room, spotting a belt composed of silver circles. I dropped that around my waist and looked around once again.

My eyes alighted on yet another door, but this one was painted green, fitting in perfectly with the wall. Curious, I walked over to it and searched the crack with my nails. The door clicked open to reveal a dark passage way made of stone.

I carefully stepped through the door frame and the door closed eerily behind me. I moved foreword, watching my step. There were slivers in the stone that let some light through. I shuddered, thinking of being in there at night. There was a crack of light a bit up the hallway and I approached it, stopping as I heard muffled voices. I moved to the edge of the light sourced and listened quietly, not daring to touch the stone slab that acted as a door. I couldn't identify who was who but I attempted to follow the conversation.

"…A village girl! What were you thinking?" one hissed.

"I don't expect you to understand, but you need to trust me."

"I really rather not on this. She is a commoner!"

"And so are you, just remember that. Alright?"

"You really don't fight fair." Someone laughed.

"Has it taken you that long to realize that?"

"No, I have known that since I first talked to you. Come, let's go do something productive."

"Yes mother." There was some more laughing and then nothing but silence.

I quietly opened the door and looked around the new room. It was painted green and white, yet another commodity in the castle. I scolded myself, knowing very well that almost every room was painted a color. The floor wasn't carpeted; instead it was covered with white wood. In the middle of the room sat a huge bed. I started at it, a strange tug forming at my memory. Why did that seem vaguely familiar…?

There was a shout out side of one of the doors in what I guessed was a hallway. My heart went into my throat and I shut the door, running back through the eerie tunnel. I reached the door and stopped, listening. There was an angry voice on the other side, but I couldn't make out what it was saying. I took a deep breath, calming my nerves.

I waited until they moved away and then I slipped out and moved along the wall, behind the many dresses. I paused and looked out, two people were in the room, neither of them looking at me. I grabbed a dress and stepped out and gasp at them, trying to feign surprise. They both whirled around to face me. One was a woman her face was lined with age and her hair silver she smiled shakily at me and the other was him. Of course he simply glared. I said nothing, just looking between the two of them.

"Can I help you?" I finally said. The woman said nothing.

"Where'd you go." I glared at him, he said I had free reign the good for nothing liar.

"I was in here the whole time." I said simply. He looked me over and his face paled. He said nothing but turned on his heel and walked out. The woman smiled kindly at me.

"Hello M'lady, I'm Eva, I'm here to help you get ready for tonight." With that she took my hand and dragged me into the bathroom and I went without protest.

***

"Are you sure?" I whispered my voice hoarse from little use. Eva smiled and nodded at me.

I still didn't understand how she had managed to get me into the damn thing. It was a cotton green dress, elegant in its simplicity. The neck line was low, bearing my shoulder and my collar bones, the sleeves went to my wrists, conveniently hiding my brace and bandaged and the front of the dress bowed forward smoothly to split and bear a white petticoat embroidered with gold. I sighed again, trying to catch my breath. She had somehow managed to get me into a corset, yet another thing I would never under stand.

"Stop that and stay still!" she instructed fiddling with my hair. It hit just above my lower back, a lot loner than I usually let it get, I would have to cut it soon. She deftly pinned my hair back with two golden combs embellished by emerald leaves. Yes. Nothing too fancy. She finally gave me the okay and I stood up. She smiled sweetly and moved me to the second door in the wall that I figured was the exit.

"C'mon! we don't want to be late!" she urged.

I sighed in defeat and followed her down the hallway, listing to her ramble about who would and wouldn't be there.

**XoxOxoX**

I stared at the massive doors that led into a supposed dining room. No way in hell I was going in there. I backed away, looking fearfully at the doors. I expected them to open up and to drag me in by some supernatural force, turns out it wasn't that that go tme into a room. A young man stopped in front of, scaring me out of my skin.

"What?" I snapped at him. He looked at me, face mild.

"Lady Tara?" he asked. I nodded my head yes. He gave me a slip of paper and moved away, humming a tune. I looked blankly at the piece of paper and then opened it.

_Play nice._ That was all it said. I knew well enough who it was from and if I wasn't, then my night could end up being a very bad one indeed.

I sighed and went through, the doors swinging open silently. I waited for everyone to stop and stare and they did, I blushed and moved down the table, to my place which Eva had told me was beside the prince. I winced slightly at that thought. As I moved, talk followed me.

I winced again and still moved. I reached the end of the table and encountered the people I would be sitting near. He was at the head of the table, naturally. There was a woman across from me, whispering in his ear, and then there was a man next to my seat. He grinned at me and stood up, pulling out my chair. I smiled sheepishly and sat down. He sat down again and extended his hand.

"Hello, I'm Dimitri." He said with another smile. I looked at him blankly, trying to comprehend the situation.

"Hello, I'm Tara." I responded. He smiled again. I noticed his features this time. He was well built, muscular and tall. His hair was a nondescript brown that added to his brilliant green eyes and honey tinted skin. His voice was nice and deep and familiar as well.

"I know." He whispered, so quietly I wasn't sure if I heard him.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked he smiled once again.

"Nothing, I'm sorry, if you'll excuse me for a second." He turned then and stared to talk with a woman beside him. I felt eyes on me. I turned my head, making eye contact with him. He smiled a bit at me and it felt menacing in a way. _Play nice. _I was afraid of what he would do if I didn't.

"Are you enjoying your stay?" he asked me in his muted voice. I struggled not to scoff. He could put me into a plush room with tons of clothing and I would still be a prisoner.

"Yes, thank you so much." I hear a delicate throat clear from across the table.

"Yes?" I asked her. She smiled sweetly at me. I knew who she was, the whore that Eva was telling me about, the one that got special treatment.

"Hello, I'm Alenya." She said with another smile. I nodded my head and focused my attention on the salad that had appeared in front of me. I felt him tense next to me and his hands balled into fists. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Dimitri turning back to face me.

"You're lucky, I normally don't let anyone take my seat." He said with a laugh. I smiled a bit.

"I feel really special now- thank you!" I responded. He focused on something over my head and I got the uncomfortable feeling that I was being somehow talked about silently. Suddenly Dimitri's hand dropped onto my knee under the table, I jerked it away and his eyes refocused on me.

"Oh I'm sorry! My memory is as good as a piece of swiss!" he said with a smile. I laughed a bit with him, angry at myself for enjoying the warmth at the touch. "So, Lady Tara, where do you hail from?" he asked me. I felt several other eyes focus on me. I coughed a bit, not really knowing how to answer. A woman on the other side of Dimitri spoke.

"Yes, it must be from somewhere exotic seeing as…well…you're not quiet like us." The woman said it carefully but the implication was still there. He cleared his throat and looked at the woman.

"Audrina, does it really matter? Honestly, have you forgotten how fragile your position is at the moment?" he asked in a warm voice with a slight smile. I tried to hide that feeling of disgust creeping up on me. He was _defending _me? I could do that myself.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you Lady, I am a native however I enjoy the sun so much and he enjoys to stay permanently with me." I tried to smile and I thought I achieved it…even if it made my teeth ache.

I went back to my plate, leaving her stuttering. The courses had been changed and it was the main dish. I was utterly relived, that meant at most one course left…unless there was no desert. I ate my chicken breast slowly and methodically until enough was left that it would be considered impolite should I finish it. Conversation had been resumed while I had focused on my plate and whispers were going about. I fought against a wave of embarrassment.

"Lady Tara, who are your parents? I think I might know them." I looked up to the whore. I tried to remember what her name was. Alenya. Right…what a weird name.

"My parentage is of no concern to you." I said crisply.

I was disgusted with myself she was of the same status as me and here I was treating her like dirt. I guess the whole ruling runs in the genes thing was right… Dessert came and that passed by quickly. Dimitri kept me occupied and Ceneth kept up his cheerful façade but I could feel his anger toward me radiating off his body.

When desert was done and cleared, the prince pushed back from the table and without any of pretenses everyone left to go their separate ways. I wandered the hallways, knowing who would be waiting for me at my door. I stumbled onto a small hallway, meticulously cleaned and not painted or carpeted. I knew instinctively that it led to the kitchens, a hallway I had walked before but never in the dark. I moved away from it lest should I see someone I would rather not encounter.

I found another hallway this one not lighted with curtains drawn over windows and a thick carpet. I went down it, searching for another door but I found non except for one. It was a simple door nothing too grand and that led me to wondering what the hell was behind it. So to satisfy myself I opened it and stepped through.

The room was dark but not pitch black, sliver of moonlight coming from two of the four walls and I took those to be windows covered by curtains. I maneuvered around the looming objects to the windows and pulled all the curtains back until he room was illuminated by silver light.

It was an art room, one thing I hadn't been expecting. The floor was dusty and the easels that held canvases were covered in grey sheets, as was almost everything. There was a hook that held two shirts splattered with paint and then four shelves with jars contained pint with a label on each of them in an almost undecipherable print. One other shelf had empty jars and then jars with thousands of brushes. I moved to the easel and took of the sheets causing dust to rise in the air and making me sneeze.

I didn't pause to look at any of the paintings I just took off the sheets and then moved back to the end of the line and studied them one at a time. There were so many- kitchens, oceans, trees, the forest, wells with vines, a maze, a chandelier. Just too many to comprehend and all of them utterly beautiful and excellent.

I stopped at the last one and couldn't stifle the gasp that wanted to escape form my throat. It was absolutely the best one so far. The subject was a woman, she was sitting in a chair and the back drop was the wall with all of the paint pots and brushes. Her back was turned to the artist and her neck was turned so that she was looking back. Curly golden hair cascaded down her back and over a flowing white dress that seemed as flimsy as air, but under the dress there was dark purpled bruises molting the ivory flesh.

My eyes moved to her face. Her nose was a perfect slop with a light splattering a of freckles and her lips were a plump light pink and stretched into a brilliant smile, and then her eyes. The only way to describe how the artist depicted them was the clearest blue with navy. They seemed to have alive of their own, sparkling with mischief and other unknown things.

I looked at the edge of the canvas the need to know who had done it strong, the need to know why it seemed so familiar, strong too. But as I looked something hit me as I moved to the door- all the painting in the same style and each one with no name…It sent a chill down my spine and I moved quickly to the door.

But even as I hurried to get away I knew that I would have to come back and clean up the room a little, maybe experiment myself with some blank canvasses, after all I had free rein…

**XoxOxoX**

When I got back to the door that led to my room I didn't really think to mush of any consequences. I moved through and found Eva sitting there tapping her foot. When she saw me she smiled and took my hand and led me to the bathroom where she un-pined my hair and brushed it out and then braided it.

She helped me out of the uncomfortable dress and corset and then into a shift for sleeping. She pushed me toward the bed and went around the room, shutting the curtains and blowing out the candles, then she left.

I waited for a bit, curiosity swirling in my stomach about that damn passage way. And then I couldn't wait any longer I got up and searched for matches. I lit a candle and then moved through the bathroom to the closet and searched in there for a while, looking for an apron and a dress. I finally found the items and set them aside and then I moved to the door.

I opened it quietly and shut it. My light cast a pool of yellow that touched the edge of stairs to my right that I hadn't noticed before and then the path in front of me. I blew then candle out and followed the path I had taken earlier. I fumbled at the door, searching for the catch or something. The door opened quietly and I stepped out, my eyes adjusting to the light in the room.

Unlike my bed room the curtains were opened and the moon light streaming in. As my eyes adjusted I could make out the shapes in the bed. When I could finally see I saw who exactly this room belong to. The prince.

He looked tortured, his face twisted and his eye clenched shut, but he was sleeping, that much was known to me by the steady rise and fall of his breath. Next to him was his whore. She was sound asleep a small smile on her face. I was oddly hurt by that sight… not knowing why and not wanting to be caught I went back through the door and hurried back to my room. I ran through the closet and bathroom and through myself into the bed just as the door opened.

"Yes?" I asked, trying to calm my racing heart and breath.

"Lady, is now a good time or…" they trailed off.

"Depends on who it is." I responded.

"Dimitri… I have something that you might want to hear." He said. I groaned.

"Fine, c'mon in." I flopped back on the bed and shut my eyes, waiting. He stopped walking next to the bed and hesitantly sat down.

"Well…I met a friend of yours earlier." He started.

"Oh really? Who?" I asked sarcastic all of a sudden.

"Hold on. I met him and he was looking for you, I think he said he was your fiancée… Which I thought was odd because…well you're engaged to Ceneth…" my breath caught in my throat and fear seeped through my veins.

"Really…well…I guess I might run into him tomorrow…thanks." I whispered my voice hoarse. He said nothing, just got up and left.

My mind was racing a I tried to make sense of everything going on, but something seemed to repressing it and it was growing cold and the lighting was turning weird and my head felt like it was spinning. I grabbed my hurt arm to stop it but I couldn't and it came at me like a wall…

**XoxOxoX**

"_You sure no one has any idea about what we are doing?"_

"_Well we may be giving some hints, but he's oblivious, too wrapped up with his new lady." Someone made a choking sound. "Hey, sorry man, just the truth."_

"_Just keep it in mind that she was mine." _

"_Yeah sure…" _

"_Di-" the second man quickly shushed the other one._

"_Do want people to hear us?" he hissed. The other one glared._

"_Does Eva know what she has to do."_

"_You damn idiot, she's under my orders, do you think us so incompetent."_

"_Do you really one to know the answer?"_

"_Just shut up and get back to your little lover."_

"_Don't your dare…"_

"_I'm not." The first man left, murmuring quietly to himself. When he was gone the other sat down and took a swig of his cup. He laughed quietly._

"_Poor little Torin, he thinks that him and Raelin are running the whole damn thing…how wrong he is." He whispered and then laughed again and took another sip of his drink._

**XoxOxoX**

I came out of it gasping with my hair stuck to my forehead. I wondered over the use of all the names I knew. What was going on? Was Torin one of those people… before I could get any further another one abruptly hit me.

**XoxOxoX**

_She sat forlornly on the cold cave ground. Her tears were spent and her stomach was rumbling and clenching itself, causing the hunger spasms to make the little girl moan with pain. Her throat was raw form crying and from screaming and still no one had found her. She was beginning to wonder at the world, what would happen to her? She refused to look at her parent's bodies, something she had decided on days ago. She slept fitfully, always waking up to a hungry stomach and a sore back. _

_She was going to go insane. She couldn't move…nor did she want to. Some days or weeks, she wasn't sure, later she heard foot steps on the rock out side the cave. A man came through and looked at her. She waited for him to run her though with that sword at his hip._

"_Thank the Gods!" he whispered and moved quickly towards the child. She shrunk away even as he pulled a canteen from behind his back and opened it and held the water to her lips. She looked at him warily, taking in his kind face and green eyes. He wore the emblem of a soldier- of a general, but he seemed younger then general should be. She took a sip, wary and waiting for him to speak to her._

"_Are you alright?" he asked her. She recognized the voice as the one that had shouted at her parents. She tired to move away form him, to scream, but she was so tired. He picked her up under the arms and tears wound their way down her dirt streaked face. He held her to his side careful supporting her and as only little children do she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, hating him for what he had down, yet liking him a bit because he was saving her. Funny how things worked out. He held her close as he took her out of the cave and she expected to see his men there but they were absent and he carried her to the forest. Once safe he stopped and built a fire and then fed her something warm and thick. She fell asleep, as only a little child can, in his lap and he fondly pushed her hair away form her forehead, whispering to her,_

"_My poor little princess, please forgive me." _

**XoxOxoX**

My eyes flew open and I desperately grabbed at the voice. I knew it. I heard it recently but I couldn't decide where. It was lighter in the room, a lot lighter. There was a knock at my door and then it opened.

"Lady, the prince wants to see you." I looked at him confused for a second and then I realized who it was in my dreams and who was standing at my door.

"Dimitri."

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N~ I hope that y'all don't hate me. But here's what happened- Tara was being a biotch and not telling me what was happening and then I forced it out of her and guess what- I had the damn thing ready to go and then poof- my vista gets angry and I have to get a new hard drive and me being the retard didn't upload my files on a flash drive! Yay me! Okay…so hope you liked it, lemme know what you think and then also there is a new poll on my homepage and I seriously need some help and I'll update ten times faster should you give me enough votes! Yay! **

**P.S- now we are getting deeper into my really annoying and constantly changing plot! Yay oh and one more time- Please Vote, I really need your help!**


	11. Weaver

_Part II_

_Desire is often the downfall to a weak man and a woman's one true weapon_

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter 11: Weaver**

**Recap: Tara's now in the Prince's custody, last chapter you met new people, and read about the dinner. Starting now Tara was just woken up because of some disturbing images to find Dimitri at her door. Now let's begin:**

**-Ocean Room-**

I sat in the bed, the sheet pulled up to my lap and staring dumbly at him.

"Lady?" he asked me. Murderer! My thoughts screamed to me. I swallowed and tried to take a breath, but my throat was blocked.

"Yes?" I whispered. Fear coiled in my stomach, cold and metallic.

"The prince needs to see you, I was wondering if now would be all right with you…" he said, raising an eyebrow at me. I knew why he was familiar. He just needed a navy blue double-breasted coat, a pair of black boots and the general pins at the collars and he'd be good to go.

"Yes. Now would be fine, just give me a second." I whispered, why was I agreeing? To get away possibly, to demand answers was more likely.

"No, now is better, I'll lend you this." He said, detaching the cloak from around his neck. I stood up on shaky legs and allowed him to drape it on my shoulders while I held on to the bedpost desperately. "There." He whispered tying the chords. I tired to smile but it probably made me look sick so I let it alone. I followed him down the hallway and then a network of corridors, stairs and thru doors until we were walking down a hallway I recognized very well. To the prince my ass. Was he going to finish the job now? Take me to the silent kitchens and kill me? I hugged the hallway and hesitated, my finger clenching uselessly at the fabric and my left wrist throbbing with protest. He stopped a head and cocked his head to the side, listing, his shoulders then heaved and he came back toward me and gently took my elbow and led me away. But then a gain, could I be mistaken? He was after all so nice to me… my head started to hurt and I wondered who I could trust and what the hell was going on in the damn castle. He led me down the cold stairs and the paused at the end, gently pushing me forward. I stumbled a bit in the darkness of the room and the stone made my bare feet ache. I stood still letting my eyes adjust to the dark kitchens.

"Did any one see you?" a man asked. My veins ran cold and my arm started to ache, seeming to know that the man that had given it that bruise was mere feet from it.

"No." Dimitri whispered. He didn't like this. It was obvious. He hated bringing me to see this monster in the guise of a man. Arms wrapped around my shoulders in a tight embrace and I was pulled again his chest. His hand stroked my hair and he was whispering.

"Tara. Oh Tara, how did they get you?" I wanted to run away, but my legs were frozen. I put my arms around his waist and hugged him back hesitantly, knowing what would happen if I didn't return his "affection". I stayed quiet and patiently waited for him to let me go. He did, holding me an arms length away and looking me over quickly. I was desperately trying to hide my bandage from him, but I was too slow. He grabbed at my hurt arm, making me hiss in pain.

"Torin." Dimitri said, his voice warning.

"Shut up." He hissed back. His eyes focused on me. "Who hurt you?" he demanded. I found myself not wanting to be the good girl, to get away from this man and his volatile rage. I wouldn't lie.

"You." I whispered. He let me go, his face a mask of shock, pain, and malicious glee. I turned on my heel and ran out of the kitchen, up the stairs trying not to trip on my nightgown and down the halls until I stopped, leaning on a wall, completely lost and totally out of breath. I sank down the wall to sitting position and pulled my knees to my chest, feeling tears that were so unlike me slipping out of my eyes. I didn't understand it. Nothing, My fiancée, my now ex-fiancée, was the bad guy, my current fiancée was now the good guy and the man who commissioned my parent killed sixteen years ago was still the same age. What the hell was going on? I felt someone sit next to me. I turned my face away from them and they said nothing for a while.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. I turned to face Dimitri. I wanted to wrapped my hands around his throat and press my fingers in until his choked to death, and I attempted to banish the thought, knowing that I'd never be able to go through with it.

"Its fine." I whispered, wanting him to just take me back to my bed where I could sleep.

"No its not, I should have know better than to take you to see him." He said getting up and offering me his hand. I took it and stood up, brushing off my dress. He tucked my arm through his and moved me down a hallway.

"I don't know why I did it, I don't even owe the bastard any favors. Damn…" he said. I said nothing, just walking. "Lady?" he asked me.

"Just get me back to my room, please." I whispered. He nodded his head and we turned a corner.

"Are you alright? Really?" he asked me again. I looked up at him. It was so ironic.

"Do you care?" I asked him. He stopped looking at me shocked.

"Why would you infer such a thing?" he asked me, a hand over his heart and a smiled playing at the corner of his mouth. I frowned.

"Are you a general? Of the Prince's army?" I asked him, stopping and looking up.

"Yes." He whispered not looking at me. Before I knew it my hand was back and I slapped him across the face, a resounding sound that was sharp and left a red mark on his cheek. He stood still looking at me shocked. His fingers moved to his cheek and he gently brushed the welt.

"What the hell?" he whispered, green eyes wide and looking at me.

"Murdering bastard." I spat moving away.

"Do you know where you are going?" he called to me. I stood still. No I didn't know where I was going, very intelligent thinking on my part.

"No." I told him. What was going on? Everything was messed up! So, so messed up. I was beside me then, not looking angry, just mildly amused. Again I thought a bout choking him to death. He motioned me to follow him. I did but a couple steps behind him, and he kept looking over his shoulder at me. He stopped outside a door in a hallway I recognized and I moved past him to get in. his hand on my shoulder stopped me. I turned around to face him more murderous thoughts invading my mind. Hi other hand was on my shoulder and he was pushing me into the wall.

"For the record. I saved your life." He whispered. I grimaced. "And I had no idea who it was I ordered killed, nor did I participate or watch the killing, the asshole who gave me orders lied. He was in a conspiracy and I thought the order came from the pr-king, but it was someone else. They intercepted a letter form him telling me to make sure you and your parents got out safely, they changed it. If it makes it any better I killed the asshole that did it. And we have your throne secure for you, after your marriage to the prince, just because it will keep our two countries from fighting." I started at him dumbstruck. There was a conspiracy? I had my throne still? He knew who the hell I was?

"You're not going to tell who I am…are you?" I whispered. He smiled kindly.

"No."

"Does…" I stopped and swallowed then spat it out "Does Ceneth know?" I asked he smiled again.

"No." he whispered.

"Oh Thank Gods!" I said with a sigh and then tried to move away from him. Did it help what he had told me? Yes, maybe it would help me figure out was going on. I still didn't trust him. But that was so long ago and I wanted to trust him so much… my thoughts were cut off by the gentle pressure of his lips on mine. I instantly went still under him and he pulled away raising an eyebrow at me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I hissed. He shrugged and then kissed me again, the same pressure and the same amount of time. And oddly enough I liked it. It unleashed a pleasant swirl of emotions that made my blood run hot and wild and I didn't sit there and analyze them, I responded. He was so gentle. How long had it been since someone had touched me so gently? I didn't know what I was doing, my hand searching blindly for the doorknob and then pulling him in my room with me, or did he come in of his own accord? Moving backwards to the bed, my fingers blindly searching for his shirt buttons and then another gentle kiss. My fingers felt clumsy and heavy with the heat of my blood it was coursing through my veins fast and my heart thumped loudly. I feel back on to the softness of my bed, pulling Dimitri with me. And then sweet dawn shrouded us from all of the waking life in the castle.

**XoxOxoX**

I woke once again, but this time to the sound of curtains being drawn open. I groaned as light pierced my closed eyes and rolled onto my stomach, covering my head with my pillow. Footsteps moved away and a door shut. I groaned again and sat up, stretching my back, arms above my head and looking out the window. The cliff was a bright reddish color, but brown in a way and thinking about all the clichés I had covered since the beginning of well…all of it… made me giggle because I had just participated in a not so cliché- cliché. If that made any sense. I looked to my left, startled to see that Dimitri was still there, sleeping peacefully. I grimaced looking away from him and feeling sick with myself. Since when I had indulged in pleasure, spur of the moment too. And how did I not even consider who I was… I didn't finish the thought, but that didn't stop them from coming. How had he convinced me to trust him again? Why did I let him convince me? I sunk back down into the mattress, sighing heavily. Just my luck, I wake up before him. I glanced around the room, waiting for Eva to burst in, scream and scold me because I was engaged and hen to run Dimitri off a cliff for corrupting me, but she didn't come in. I pulled anxiously at my hair. This was so much more trouble than it was worth! He rolled over next to me, his bare chest exposed, and I shuddered, looking away and feeling heat in my cheeks. Oh how I hated this! Being such an emotional wreck and reduced to tears. Another thought came barreling at me, one so much worse than the others before it. Maybe this was a good thing, now I had an ally, the prince's best friend, and who says that I couldn't manipulate him to do as I wish…? I stumbled out of the bed, running to the bathroom, fearing that what ever was left in my stomach from dinner would come up, but it didn't. I sat on the cold tiled floor for a while, thinking everything over. It was simply adaptation, with a few perks. But I didn't want to turn into one of these petty courtiers. My head was throbbing and I just wanted to get somewhere warm. I stood up and moved back to my bed on shaky legs, I sat down heavily and pulled he blankets to my lap. Manipulation, sex, what was next? Excessive drinking? No. I knew what was next. Getting as close as possible to the people that were closest to the prince and then, figure out how to get out of here. As they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. There were footsteps in the hallway and then voices. I fell back onto the pillow, trying to make my breathing deeper. I turned to my side and pulled the covers up to my shoulders and waited. My door opened and someone walked in. there foot steps stopped for a second and then they were coming toward me.

"Lady, your presence is needed." Eva whispered, smiling kindly. I flicked a glance over my shoulder at Dimitri, he had stirred again, but was still sleeping, I hope.

"Yes." Was all I said and let her lead me into the bathroom were she drew a bath for me. By the time I was out of the bath and in a blue dress with a low cut neckline and no corset it was time for breakfast and my stomach kept growling. I walked carefully out into my bedroom, the heels on the shoes setting me off balance. No one but Eva and me were there. I breathed a sigh of relief and followed her down hallways in a different rout than before. We ended up out side, standing on a pavilion that was covered with marble and had a cloth tent almost over it shading the seated people form the sun. The table was a lot smaller than the one last night and there were three places set. I sight and sat down where Eva directed me to and stared out across the lush gardens and to a large hedge that looked like it started a maze the hedges where over groan and looked like there were black flowers growing out of it. So why was no one keeping it in check? I moved my gaze away form there to the closer gardens that were composed of thousands of different types of flowers and then finally to the vase in the middle of the table. It was a downward tapering vase of purple glass with a silver bow tied around it. There were butterflies taking up residence on a couple of bright red flowers and there were some lilies attracting bees. Over all it was far too nice for this castle. Someone sat down next to me, on my left and I automatically went stiff, waiting for them to speak.

"Lady." A male voice said and it turned slowly to meet Dimitri's green eyes. I swallowed and nodded my head toward him. "What, will you not talk to me?" he asked. I tired to make something coherent, but my mind and throat refused to. "Speechless?" he asked, eyes bright and mocking.

"No." I said. "I am simply trying to piece together an apology, my actions were far from appropriate and I shall not participate in any other such actions with ever again, sir." I told, him keeping eye contact. He smiled a bit hesitantly and looked over my shoulder.

"Finally! He arrives!" Dimitri said with a laugh. Someone sat to my right and I glance out of the corner of my eye to see who. The air seeped out of my lungs and my heart stopped. Now how was I going to handle both of these two? The Prince smiled at Dimitri.

"You didn't have to wait on my account." He said in his muted voice. I turned to look down at my fork while they exchanged greetings.

"Ah, but you always say that, and whenever we go ahead like you say you get angry."

"I didn't really understand that, but if you say." The Prince replied. I said nothing, listening to the birds and hoping he wouldn't find it worth while to even engage me in conversation, I was wrong.

"Lila." He said, hand over mine. I looked up at his blue eyes.

"Yes, my lord?" I asked him. He smirked a bit.

"How was your first night in the castle?" he didn't seemed that interested, his eyes moved over my face and I knew that I couldn't lie about this one.

"Very eventful and interesting." I said. Not a total lie. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see Dimitri smirking slightly. He took his hand away form mine and smiled.

"I'm very glad to here that." He said. I nodded my head, knowing how extraneous this would be. I had never had a civilized conversation with him, sure a few fake pleasantries, but then someone would interrupt. I wondered idly if he wanted to kill me as much as I wanted to kill him? I tried to think of something neutral, just to keep a conversation going, especially if I did have to… I refused to put into words what I knew was key to my physical and social survival in this damned place.

"And your night?" I asked him. He raised an eyebrow, curious as to why I was even bothering.

"Very…interesting and eventful." He said with a smirk. I blushed and looked down at my hand in my lap remembering that scene I had been privy too and how it made me feel. Oh I hated this dress. A plate was set in front of me and I looked it over. It was incredibly simple. A piece of bread with some butter and some fruit and then tea was placed in front of me. I picked up my fork and took a small taste of the assorted fruit.

"Ceneth, you still owe me a match." Dimitri said from my left.

"Yes, I suppose I do. What was the bet this time?" I listened, looking back and forth between each man.

"Hmm… I haven't the faintest idea. Lady and good bet ideas?"

"Oh…I don't… Well… looser has to declare undying love for…" I trailed off; not having the faintest idea of what would offensive. The men looked up at each other, grinning widely.

"Marchess" they both said at the same time. I felt more then a little stung at the obvious disdain for my birth land.

"Yes, that sound good." I said, taking another bite of the fruit.

"And of course, you'll be the judge." The Prince said, smiling almost fondly at me, I fought the urge to gag.

"Yes. So…what exactly is this match?" I asked them. The prince's eyebrows rose up in surprise.

"You don't know?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"Fencing." Dimitri said, and then he smiled brightly. "Well…almost. I think two others from the court are actually going at it soon, maybe Lady should go watch and get the rules front hem." The Prince smiled.

"That sounds like a good idea, after all it is boring to hear if you aren't watching or doing." He said. I laughed a bit.

"Alright, I'll do exactly that." I told them.

"You know where it is?" He asked me. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"What do you think?" he laughed.

"Alright I'll take you and Dimitri can go warn every one else." I nodded my head and finished up my breakfast listening to the two of them telling about past matches they had and how they had almost taken off someone's head or other such things and about a couple of freak accidents they had. All in all, I found my self enjoying it- all of it, the animated conversation, the laughing, the closeness it felt like we shared, but any thoughts of that were quickly shattered by the reality of my situation and what I had done during the light veil of dawn.

**XoxOxoX**

When breakfast was done all three of us stood up and I looped my arm thru the Prince's like a perfect fiancée and gave Dimitri the best, I-hate-you-so-much-that-it-isn't-funny look I could. I could tell he was smarting from my snubs and the fact that I seemed to so openly adore my fiancée. What a bunch of crap. The mere thought mad me want to throw up. The prince led me off the patio and when we reached the door I turned slightly and blew Dimitri a mocking kiss. He glared at me and turned on his heel, moving off in a different direction. I silently moved beside him, hoping to god that he'd take hallways or a route that no one would be in, I was wrong, he took us through the most crowed places, always smiling and drawing me closer to him, and I dodged the glares and the calculating looks I was shot.

"It's not that hard of a game to understand." He said suddenly as we moved toward the door way of the great hall as he called it. "Really the objective is to get your opponent into a position where you could kill them." He paused and I finally got what he was talking about, the game I was to judge.

"Alright, and an example of a position?" I asked him.

"Sword to the throat, jugular, heart and thrusting up as if the go thru the ribs."

"Alright, and what can you not do?" I asked him.

"You can deliberately hurt your opponent, and-"

"Wait, hurt? I thought this was fencing." I said, cutting him off. He sighed heavily and looked down at me as if I were an ignorant child.

"It is fencing, but it isn't. We don't have any protection, no helmets, no padding, absolutely nothing, just the clothing on your back. Also, we don't use foils, we use our actual swords. So when I say deliberately hurting I mean that if you and I were having a match I couldn't maim or something because you said my cooking was bad or anything alike."

"Okay, so if it is a malicious maneuver, it's out?"

"Yes."

"So if you get fouled what happens?" I asked him, we were on massive stone steps now and I was watching were I was going, seeing as I was still tottering in the heels.

"Well that is up to the judge to decide, ask the boys a good way to solve it."

"The boys?"

"The two nobles you are about to watch so you an understand a bit of the sword play." He said with a laugh.

"Oh, I knew that." I said, looking out across the front lawn, my cheeks hot and probably fire red.

"Sure. Also no hitting above the neck. I think that one id pretty self-explanatory. That is just about it. Oh, I almost forgot, there is a circle on the ground, neither fighter is allowed outside of the circle or they loose, so watch for that, Dimitri has been known to cheat that rule." He said with a small laugh. I nodded my head and focused on getting up the steps we were now going up in one piece. I could hear clashing metal close by. When we mounted the steps we were one a low balcony, we moved over to the railing and I looked out across the field, seeing two men fighting close by. I couldn't restrain a gas and I quickly looked away from them. He said nothing about them being shirtless. He laughed beside me.

"That is Jax and Tobin, I'll leave you to decide who is who." He said quietly I nodded my head.

"Thank you for the quick running of the rules." He nodded his head and looked over my shoulder and then at me. He smiled softly and unlike most of the times he smiled this one softened his feature and made his eyes sparkle with something other than hatred or cold indifference.

"I know you hate me and probably want to strangle me, or watch me die slowly…" he trailed off, looking at the sky and searching for words. I stayed stone still, were my intentions really that obvious. Damn…and here I thought I was being stealthy. "But really, was life in the village all that good? Especially with that bastard? Tara, can you look me in the eye and tell me you were happy, that you loved your life there?" he shook his head and I got the feeling that he cared, that or he was trying to persuade me of something. I didn't say anything, still a bit shock over the fact that he had used my birth name. I looked up at him and tried to maintain eye contact.

"I honestly can't tell you the answer to that, Ceneth. It is hard to know because I was perfectly happy with Torin and after that day you came? Things went down hill. I don't know if he would have acted like he is now if you had never come along." He said nothing, just looking over my head again. He sighed and then gently kissed my forehead.

"He would have, eventually he would have started his damn cycle of abuse, believe me when I say that." He whispered and then turned on his heel, leaving me confused and wondering just how many different personalities my jailor had.

**XoxOxoX**

Eventually I turned back to watch the two men fighting, leaning against the railing and feeling as if my breasts were going to fall out of the dress. Damn Eva and her persuasion. I looked at the sky and had to guess that it was an hour away from noon and then looked back down at the men. One was younger, tall and lean, his muscle moving like water under his honey colored skin, flexing and contracting with ease. His hair was a wild tangle of black curls and he was laughing at his opponent, taunting him with a bright white smile. My eye flicked to the older man who was starting to tire of the younger ones games. He seemed like he used to be better looking, back when he was a couple of years younger, his skin was lined with sun damage and his brown hair showing some silver, but he held the sword expertly and almost had his younger opponent when the boy messed up, tripping on his feet, but he quickly came back with a thrust and parry. The older man grunted with exertion and parried the younger's next move. He then cut right with his sword, aiming up for the ribs. The younger man spun away laughing. The older man groaned and shook his head and then took up his sword, muscles flexing, he held it carefully in a defensive positions and then the younger thrust right quickly, forcing the elder to expose his left side the younger quickly moved the blade angle upward and brought it the side and downwards and as the elder man moved to parry it the younger flicked his blade to his left hand and leveled it at the other throat. It was incredible, their dance and then it was suddenly ended and they were standing there breathing heavily, the younger's blade at the elder's throat. The man in the loosing position dropped his sword dandy held up his hands.

"You got me Jax." He panted. The other man withdrew the sword and shrugged.

"I guess. I think that I would have liked to match up against you ten years ago though Tobin, that would be interesting." The younger, Jax said, with another brilliantly white smile. He turned to me, and I noticed his deep brown eye framed by a halo of thick lashes.

"Did you enjoy it lady?" he asked me. I smiled a bit at him, leaning over the railing more and watched silently as his eyes moved to my exposed cleavage.

"Yes, it was incredibly entertaining." I said as quietly as I could. I study him. He'd like a challenge. I sat on the railing and fiddled with my dress, looking over across them.

"What brings the Lady out here to watch us?" he asked me. I smiled a bit, and looked down at him, trying to convince myself that I was doing what was necessary, adapting.

"Well, I am supposed to be studying the art of it, the sword play. Ceneth and Dimitri are having a match later and I was to judge it." I said with a sigh. He smiled at me.

"And did the lady learn well enough?" he asked me. I wondered who his connections in court were judging by the way he said my fake title, twisting back on itself until it mocked the everything it named and I grimaced.

"Oh yes, quiet well. Lord Tobin and you are probably the best match I've seen." The only match id seen, but he didn't need to know that.

"Yes, well you haven't seen Dimitri and the Prince go at it yet." Tobin grumbled.

"Oh, I guess so." I said as airily as I could manage. "So, just because, what ranking are you two? I mean I'm new and all and I must know who's who." I said with a smiled. Tobin bowed a bit.

"Just a noble, Lady." He murmured, eyes flicking to Jax who was busy looking over every inch of my exposed skin and clothed body. I flipped my hair over my shoulder, blocking his view. He looked up at me, and then bowed, muscle moving fluidly and I couldn't help but notice that he had a certain sex appeal. Odd how I even knew what that was, but then again I found myself knowing a lot of odd things that I didn't remember learning. Tobin was moving form foot to foot anxious beside Jax, flicking glances over his shoulder and then some at him, that was a bit odd.

"A noble- the prince's second cousin, by marriage." He flashed me that dazzling smile, his teeth white against his honey skin. Tobin shifted uncomfortably next to him.

"Miss? Might I have a word with young Jax?" he asked me. I nodded my head and smiled, looking down at my fingers and pretending to study the cuticle while humming a loudly, but I could still here what they were saying.

"What the hell you doing?" hissed Tobin, slapping Jax across his head. He grinned and brushed his fingers across the spot.

"Nothing, it's just some harmless fun, gods know she needs it." He replied I could hear his smile.

"You idiot! That is the Prince's fiancée! And Torin's previous one, do your really want to get into all that?" Tobin whispered. It sparked my interest a little. There was something going on and I had to get to the bottom. I had basic knowledge form the books I read and also my judgment of people. Jax would be a fun game.

"Dimitri said that it was fine." He whispered.

"You asshole! Torin is higher up on the food chain than that little weakling." There was a stony and frigid silence between the two when Jax said lowly and dangerously-

"You have no idea how low Torin is. They let him think he is higher because it _amuses_ them."

"I-I…just don't screw up." Tobin finished. I hummed a different song, thinking. Interesting information as gleaned between those two. But I had to focus on the game at hand. I smiled as best I could and Jax returned it enthusiastically and Tobin half heartedly.

"Everything okay?" I asked sweetly, leaning back on the rail feeling my breasts move together uncomfortably again. Jax's eyes moved to my exposed cleavage and then back to my face the warm brown depths dark. I knew vaguely what he was feeling, it was the same thing I had felt this morning and would no doubt be feeling later.

"Just fine. Lady Would you care to join me for lunch?" he asked with another of his mocking bows, his muscles flowing effortlessly under his honey skin. I grinned.

"Pleasure." I whispered demurely and bit my lip, looking over my shoulder. "But Ceneth and Dimitri were supposed to have a match and I was supposed to judge it…I don't know where they have gone though."

"It's alright Lady when ever those two fight it is always after lunch and two hours before sunset, we have time." I smiled at him.

"Of you say so." He nodded his head and flashed me another brilliant smile. Tobin walked away grumbling something.

"Yes, would you care to wait for a few moments?" he asked me. I nodded my head and waved him away. He smiled again and then loped off. I looked out across the filed and then beyond to the forest and I felt someone settle beside me.

"What game are you playing?" he asked me. And of course it would be him.

"I don't know what you mean." I said turning to look at him. His hair was wild, mussed like he had just woken up and I wondered what he had been doing while I had been learning. He smiled softly and the looked at me.

"You think I'm stupid? What game are you playing with the courtiers?" he asked me. I crossed my arms and turned my back on him.

"I'm offended that you even think I'm doing something." I sniffed a bit. I guess I would have made a good actress if I put my all into it… "I'm here against my will and you are saying that I'm playing a game? Do you even know how much it hurts to know you like that little skank more than me?" his hand was hard don my shoulder and he spun me around, his other hand coming up to grip my other shoulder. He smiled a bit, but it was one of those menacing ones,

"Do not even try that one. Alright? I deal with it enough. Now tell me what game you are playing."

"I'm trying to figure out what it going on in this damn place." I hissed. "Your General is the same age he was sixteen years ago, and all of these courtier are talking behind our backs. Oh yes and Torin is here." He raised and eyebrow and shrugged. "My previous fiancée?" I asked him. He jaw tightened and his grip did too.

"You aren't to see him." He whispered.

"You think I don't know that?" I spat. "I accidentally got led into it this morning." His eyes flicked over me carefully.

"What else did you get into this morning?" he said quietly.

"What do you suddenly care what I do? Do I stalk you asking about every time you've had sex with that whore?" I asked him. He flinched away.

"That isn't any of your business." I looked at him squarely and smiled sweetly, hearing someone approaching where we were standing.

"Actually dearest, it kind of is. And if you are planning on forcing me into holy matrimony, you get rid of her, now. As in next time I get even a hint of her being around you and being in it for sex, I will do it personally. Got it?" I asked him. He smiled.

"What could you possibly do?"

"You seem afraid of me. What makes you think I won't do something?"

"Are you jealous?"

"No, I just want you and your little charade to go on alright, and if someone is being planed behind our backs I can guarantee it that she's important." He rose and eyebrow and sighed.

"Fine. I'll get rid of her." He said. I nodded my head. "Oh and one more thing."

"What?"

"You are my fiancée," his hand dropped to my hip and gently cupped my lower back and his other hand moved to cup the back of my head. "So if you do anything with Jax, it is treason and he will be killed." He whispered.

"Jealous?" I asked him. He smiled and pressed his lips to mine. I refused to do anything.

"Only a little." He whispered and let me go, moving off the balcony to the door where he stopped and turned around.

"By the way, you need to be there to judge at four, alright honey?" I shivered at the pet name and nodded my head yes. He laughed a bit and moved off. Jax then came in, looking a bit fresher and in possession of a shirt. He smiled at me.

"Everything alright Lady?" he asked me. I shudder at my other pet name.

"Please, don't call me that, call me Tara. Just Tara." I said. He nodded and took my arm through his and led me through the halls until we were outside the kitchen where he picked up a basket and then he was taking me thru the garden and to that maze that I saw not to long ago. I had two separate thoughts, both shocking and both relating to the Prince. The first was that I called him by his birth name, and it didn't bother me as much as it used to. And then the second and most disturbing thought. I was jealous of that little skank; I was practically green with envy…

**A/N: yes, there are tons of spelling and grammar mistakes, stuff is not clear, and im sorry, please do not point it out to me! I feel bad enough as it is: so heres how it happens, on my b-day my computer gets a virus. So yup. That's where I was, im sorry that this took so long, really and I will attempt to update real soon! I promise! And one last thing- I will eventually get back to this chapter to clear up some things. But for now if anything is ****UNCLEAR**** then I'll do my best to explaine without giving away my plt. Sorry!!!!**


	12. Pivot Point

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter 12: Pivot Point**

_*Note- I'd like to thank everyone that reviews or has added me to their alerts, favorite stories, communities, and other such wonderful stuff. Thank you!_

**-Corridors-**

My lunch with Jax had been uneventful and tedious. He was the kind of man that had one favorite subject- him. What ever hold his appearance had over me before, quickly vanished.

In order for me to win back my freedom I had to make some vague excuse about a dress fitting that he accepted with a knowing smile and a nod. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes.

I moved as fast I could in my shoes and didn't stop until I had gotten lost in the twisting corridors of the castle. I leaned against a wall panting and pulling hard at my hair in angry, frustrated tugs. I tried to clam down- thinking carefully about the layout of the castle.

It was like a poorly planned town- main streets, avenues, allies. Judging by the silence I was in an "ally". I looked back the way I had come and then in front of me. "Which way?" I muttered, raking my hands thru my hair.

I stopped, all my motion, and listened. I couldn't hear anything but my breath. It was quiet. With a quick laugh I sunk to the stone floor, my legs finally giving out. I was alone! Alone! The word that most dreaded was a euphoric antidote. Alone!

I put my hand over my mouth to quiet my laughter so I wouldn't be found. After my fit subsided I took a deep breath. I was alone. My thoughts started to jumble and I took in how my life had changed in the last 2 months and a week. I was startled by the change in the last two days. I took a deep breath.

"Focus Tara," I whispered.

"Alright, people first." I was speaking to the flagstones, but it was a healing thing- voicing my thoughts, accusations, assumptions out loud.

"Dimitri." I started with the newest of these people. "He's a general. He says that he didn't mean to kill my parents, that it was a false letter. Who did it? He didn't say… Does the Prince know that Dimitri hasn't aged? Is he cursed? But I don't believe in that… I shouldn't be having relations with him…" I was speaking in a low hushed whisper. I paused for breath then continued.

"Ceneth… the prince… him. I keep calling him that- "him", "the prince". C'mon Tara, Gods know how long you're stuck with him. Keep up his façade, even if that means thinking like that. He's not "the prince" he's Ceneth. Ceneth my fiancé… " I gulped, but forced my self to go on. "And for all he's done, he hasn't hurt me too bad… Maybe. No. I'm not going to convince myself. Ceneth is a mean, cold, hard person, he's the prince of fief, king after he marries me, but he's Ceneth." I took a deep breath, feeling a little nauseated.

"Torin." Last one, I thought pushing onward. "He's hurt me, he enjoyed it. The act made him happy. He has a lover, he's in this conspiracy. He's a bastard and can go to hell." I stopped, swallowing _He's hurt you so many times. _I blinked shocked by the words that had dropped those words one by one in my mind, but there was nothing around. I took a breath and shook of the incident.

"This conspiracy. Dimitri, Jax, Tobin, Torin, and Eva are all apart of it- consciously because they know what happening and nothing surprises them. The whore, Alenya, is a pawn, so is that woman from dinner the other night." I tried to shake the image of Ceneth's tortured face from my mind.

"And then these…dreams." I whispered.

I understood them. Well, except for a few. The first one from last night made sense. It was Dimitri and Torin, talking about their conspiracy. The one after it made sense as well. What didn't make sense was the one of the pregnant woman running. I tried to get a meaning out of it when I heard footsteps somewhere down the hallway.

I pulled myself up off the ground and hurried away in the opposite direction, my shoes clacking loudly, giving me away. I kicked them off, desperate not to be found, and ran down the hallway, my bare feet slapping the stones.

When I reached a carpeted hallway I slowed down to a walk, turning right and following voices. I was in the great hall again. Women where milling about, some standing some perched elegantly on the settee's placed around the room. There were about fifty or so of them and as soon as I stepped into the hall they went quiet, unabashedly looking at me.

I walked as dignified as I could toward the French doors that opened to the balcony, keeping my head high and back straight. They started to whisper to each other, loud enough that I caught a couple of things.

"That's her."

"Look at what she's wearing."

"She must be wearing slippers."

"Look at her skin!"

"So pretty."

"Looks cold."

"My Lady," A woman stepped forward to meet me.

"Alenya's not going to like this…" they whispered. I inclined my head toward the woman, motioning for her to fall in step beside me.

I studied this new woman as we walking, using quick glances out of the corner of my eye. She was taller than be by a couple of inches, but that because of her heeled shoes. Her skin was an iridescent white with a dusting of tiny golden freckles across her nose. Her hair was a rich curling brown that was pulled back to show of her graceful throat and delicate collar bones. I couldn't see her well enough to guess the color of her eyes. She was all in all a woman of contrast. Her features were delicate but at the same time sharp and over powering for her average structure. By her dress I could tell that she was of the court, not a courtesan.

We stepped out onto the patio the hot stone burning the souls of my feet. I moved to the railing where the stones where cooled by the shade and stood with my back to the hall. The woman stood next to me her hands resting on the railing, her fingers raising up, not lying flat, she was a pianist.

"How may I help you?" I asked her.

"My lady, it is such an honor to have a moment with you." She said. I turned to face her- taking in her smile and her overall presence.

"Miss, if you could cut to the chase it would benefit both of us." She raised her eyes to look at me. Her brilliantly green eyes. I was so startled that I fought to hold my composer, chocking down my shock. I had seen those eyes before…

"Forgive me. My name is Ondine Boklov. I believe that you have meet my brother- Dima." I looked at her, confused as to who she was talking about.

"Excuse me?" I managed. She laughed, her face lighting up and her shoulders shaking.

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry- my brother Dimitri." I tried to ignore the heat in my cheeks. She couldn't be lying. They had the same color eyes and the same hair color. They spoke with the same accent, rich, heavy, like honey.

"Yes he is a good friend of my fiancé, it is quiet entertaining to watch them together." I lied. Again with me and the lying. When will it ever end? She bit her lip and looped her arm thru mine, making me move with her toward the balcony that I had seen Jax and Tobin fighting from earlier.

"Tell me, my lady, how is Cen- I mean his highness?" I smiled tersely at her.

"Ondine please, let us be friends, you'd do me a great favor by calling me Tara and his highness Ceneth." She smiled at me, a big bright smile.

"Well, thank you…Tara for such an honor. Now, really, how is Ceneth doing? Is he happy?" I glanced at her

"Ondine, I don't know. Sometimes he seems happy and others he becomes very frustrated," _with me_. I added silently.

She nodded her head and bit her lip again.

"I had feared as much." She whispered. "After Dariya, Alenya, came into his life, Ceneth has been much more…angry."

I nodded my head silently listening as the other courtiers flooded out onto the balcony, ready for the fight. I knew without looking or hearing that they were pointing and whispering about me. Dimitri stepped onto the field, his muscled torso bare for all to see. In his hand he balanced an elegant silver sword. He looked up at the crowd, his eyes searching, I ducked behind his sister, but his eyes locked onto me and he smiled and waved. Ondine smiled and waved back at him and I knew that she had no idea about our relationship.

"Come we must go down." Ondine said, looping her arm thru mine again.

"Why?" I asked dumbly. Her smile hardened.

"You must give Ceneth a token of your affection." she whispered.

"Naturally." I replied, moving with her down to the filed.

We stepped off the stairs and onto the grass as Ceneth stepped onto the field. My breath got trapped in my chest as I noticed the two scars on his back. One ran up the length of his spin, silver and raised a little. The other was from fire. It was on his left shoulder and the skin look shiny, warped almost.

Everything thing seemed to slow down, Dimitri and Ceneth walking toward each other, shaking hands. Then time moved again and everything was crystal clear.

"We know this is for Tara."

I don't know if I heard what Dimitri had said or I read his lips, but Ceneth's grip tightened at the words and his smile became forced. He turned on his heel abruptly leaving Dimitri to the care of his sister as I walked toward Ceneth. The courtiers had grown quiet and were watching us.

"Ceneth." I whispered. He looked at me.

"I didn't think you'd come down here." He said.

"Well here I am." I said forcing a smile.

"Your particularly short today." He commented with a slight smile. I fumed silently. Yes I was shorter than average for my age, but still.

"I come down here to play good little fiancé and that's all you have to say? You're short?!" I demanded. He laughed, and stepped closer to me wrapping his arms around me in a hug.

"Do I get a kiss?" his smile was bright and happy. He enjoyed the banter. I would never understand the man.

I looked up at him from under my lashes and bit my lip a little.

"I don't know. How bad do you want one?" I asked him. My cheeks heated up as I remembered my conclusion from earlier. My…jealousy. There! I said it!

He made a low sound in the back of his throat.

"You little tease."

I stood up on my tip-toes and kiss his cheek, the stubble scratchy against my lips. He let me go and looked at me with wide eyes, not believing I had done it. My stomach knotted in on itself.

"I do try." I whispered. He smiled.

"Have dinner with me tonight." He said.

"Do you I have a choice?" I asked him. His gaze didn't waver.

"Yes."

"Fine." I said, desperate to get away from him. He looked pleasantly surprised and then focused his attention on his sword.

Unlike Dimitri's it was black in color with tiny white stone set into the hilt. I moved away from Ceneth and back onto the balcony to a spaced cleared just for me. Ondine joined me shortly and Jax stepped on to the field. He recited the rules of the game, the bet and then told them to have at it.  
It was a slow start, they circled each other and banter and a couple of the spectators grumbled.

"They've fought each other enough; I don't why they are sizing the other up." Ondine said, crossing her arms over her chest. I know why, I thought.

Dimitri made the first move, lunging toward Ceneth in what looked to me just to be a reckless move that left his right side wide open. Ceneth side stepped the blade easily, smiling widely as Dimitri pitched forward.

"Oh Dima! Don't fall!" Ondine said beside me.

"Yes, but that was a particularly good move on Ceneth's part." I said.

She nodded her head and bit her lip thoughtfully as she watched Dimitri regain his ground. Ceneth stood, waiting like a gentleman for Dimitri to recover himself from the almost fall.

"It is odd, is it not?" a man's voice said from my right.

I looked over toward him, raising an eye brow.

He was one I hadn't seen before. His skin was honey dark like the others but his looked somehow…more natural, which was ridiculous considering the only reason the men here where dark, was because of the time they spent out doors. He looked like he'd been born with his skin color. His hair was a thick swatch of dark brown and dusky cinnamon highlights. His hazel eyes were looking out over the field but he was smiling, his perfect white teeth for all to see.

He glanced over at me.

"Seeing as Lord Boklov is the General and the Prince has been trained in combat for many years, they are simply toying with each other." I nodded my head, trying to pin point his accent.

It wasn't like Ondine's or Dimitri's, theirs was thick and rich, I compared it to honey. But theirs was more of like syrup.

This man… his voice was beautiful, mute, deep, and articulated with an accent that drawled out his vowels and made it sound like when he spoke that honey was being poured over your limbs. He would be a very persuasive person with a voice like that.

His hand came up and he brushed his dark hair with his fingers. A lock of it fell to shadow his eyes and tendrils curled around his ears and on the back of his neck. He was dressed down, much more so than the other men, with a simple linen white shirt black pants and boots.

On his finger was a thick ring of silver inlaid with an emerald and on his neck was a pendant hung from a silver chain. The pendant itself was odd, hammered out silver that was somehow connected together to make an odd shape, like an ancient rune.

"I'm sorry, I don't know you." I said, trying to split my attention. He held up a finger.

"Watch," he said. I looked back at the field and did as he commanded, watching as Dimitri finally got serious and started to fight for real, backing Ceneth up until he was dangerously close to the edge of the ring.

"Oh, that's cowardly!" Ondine protested. I patted her arm and she giggled a bit.

Ceneth somehow maneuver himself so he was behind Dimitri and poised his sword level with Dimitri's throat. The courtiers murmured and I knew that meant the fight was over.

"Wait!" called out Ceneth. The man next to me laughed quietly and played with the ring on his finger. "First blood." He said.

I looked wildly around, trying to figure out what was going on. The ladies were laughing the men nodding appreciatively.

"They will fight until on of them draws blood." The man on my right said. I swallowed my throat dry. I turned to Ondine

"They are going to take a quick break, right?" I asked her. She nodded her head.

Without further ado I got up and went down to the field. Ceneth was lying down in the grass his hands behind his head and his eyes closed.

"What are you doing?" I hissed. He opened his eyes slowly and looked up at me.

"Lying down. Care to join me?" He asked. I felt like spitting on him.

"No! What the hell are you thinking? First blood? Knowing you two you'll cut each others arms off!" he smiled and sat up, glancing at Dimitri.

"Hmm. I'll be careful."

"No, you won't I know you well enough to know that." I spat. He looked up at me in surprise.

"You're concerned." He stated.

"Oh, don't look so smug!" I fumed silently while he got to his feet.

"Here's what will happen. Dimitri will be upset because he lost the first match. He will be too cowardly, trust me. The only thing he will do is he will nick my arm or something, I'm not the one you should be worried about." I looked at him and the across the field, remembering the words Dimitri had said earlier.

"If you loose?" I asked him. He looked away from me, his jaw taught and his hands clenched.

"I…I break off our engagement." He had faltered. What was he not telling me?

"And when, if, you do that?"

"You're Dimitri's, indefinitely." My heart started to gallop.

"You can't do that to me. You can't." He looked at me in surprise.

"are you saying he's worse than me?"

"He killed my parents." I whispered.

Ceneth's face stayed carefully calm, but the muscle in his jaw twitched. With a sigh I moved away from him and back up to the balcony where Ondine hadn't moved and inch and was watching me intently. The man that I had been sitting next to was also watching me with interest. I sat back down in-between them.

"Please tell me your name sir." He glanced at me but his eyes stayed focused on the filed.

"Philippe, everyone calls me Philip." I looked at him a bit dazed.

That was my father's name, I thought. I

"Because you ask them to or because they do it any way?" I asked him, licking my dry lips.

"They call me Philip regardless my whishes." He murmured.

"So what would you like to be called?" I asked him. He glanced at me.

"Whatever you wish is fine." He replied. I bit my lip and looked down at the field where Jax was announcing the rules.

Soon they were at it, both men with a concentrated look on their faces. I crossed my arms and giggled my foot. There were pros and cons to this battle. The good part was that should Dimitri win I would be set free from Ceneth, but I'd bee under Dimitri's discretion. The bad part…I didn't know it then.

Dimitri made the first move again, but this one wasn't clumsy, it was cold, calculating, and precise. Ceneth just managed to fend off the blow with a parry. And with the first clash of metal they were off. The spectators were quiet this time; the only sound was of metal grating against metal and the occasional insult. And the deadly dance began.

As they fought the insults became less and less until they stopped all together. I was uncomfortable, embarrassed because this ferocity was over me, nervous for their safety and appalled by the joy the court took in watching these two friends fight each other until first blood.

It was close, neither one tiring, neither one lagging. The positions would constantly change, defending to attacking. Each lunge, thrust, parry, and sidestep putting me on edge.

At one point Dimitri almost stepped out of the ring and Ondine's breath whistled over her teeth. Her mouth was in a tight line and her brows furrowed with worry. Philippe was stoic, watching them fight with a sort of bored amusement, but he didn't comment.

When it looked like no one would win and this would go on for hours the courtiers started to leave, but the fight stayed just as ferocious.

Then time did that funny thing it does when something pivotal happens- it slowed down. Dimitri lunged and cut right, his blade just nicking Ceneth's arm, if it wasn't for what would happen to me if Ceneth lost I would have found it ironic, but I didn't.

Little beads of blood lined the cut, dark red, I didn't know what I was doing, just that I did. I stood up, swaying.

"Tara?" Ondine asked. Immediately I was the pinpoint of attention.

"I'm…I'm okay." In the shakiest voice I could manage.

`Then I did the hardest and scariest thing- I pitched forward and prayed that someone would catch me. Someone did and I could tell from the band of metal that was pressing into my arm it was Philippe. I tried to keep my eyes shut as I was maneuvered onto my back and my head propped up.

"I saw that." Philippe whispered in my ear and I fought to keep my face slack and my breath normal. Some gently patted my cheeks.

"Is she okay?" I heard Ceneth's voice demand.

"Lady?" Dimitri.

"I don't know why she fainted." Ondine.

"She will be fine, trust me." Philippe.

"Should we get a doctor?" Dimitri again, he sounded miffed.

"No, my Prince, will you take her to her room? Ondine, please accompany him and see that my Lady gets the proper care." Philippe, it dawned on me how much I liked him. I started to blink my eyes and tried to sit up. "No, no, do not." Philippe said, pushing me down.

"What?" I whispered.

Ceneth's arms went under my knees and around my back and he cradled me to his chest my ear pressed to where his heart was beating, slowly.

_Thump-thump_.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will not be picked up this fight later today, let's call it a draw." His voice sent vibrations thru my body.

Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-two. Twenty-three.

I put my head on his shoulder and whispered as the talking started up, "Look at your left arm." I felt his neck turn as he did as I asked and I hoped that he did it stealthily

Thirty. Thirty-one. Thirty-two. Thirty-three.

Ondine's footsteps where next to us.

"Ondine, please go ahead and pull down the sheets and shut the curtains."

"Yes." She paused. "Will she be okay?" she whispered. My heart was touched, she honestly cared.

"Yes, I'm sure she will. We'll be right behind you." She hurried ahead.

Forty-five. Forty-six. Forty-seven. Forty-eight. Forty-nine.

_Thump-thump. _

Fifty seconds between beats, I was smart enough o know that was not normal.

"You're insane." He whispered.

"I guess." I murmured in reply.

"How did you even see that scratch, it's tiny."

"I don't know, but you were bleeding."

"Tara…I'm sorry about your parents. I shouldn't let him near you…I…" his hands tightened around me. I lifted my head up.

"It's fine. You can put me down." He smirked.

"No, I can't. I can't believe you faked that just so no one would notice it."

"Let me see it." I demanded.

"No." his voice was firm and the smirked had slipped from his lips.

"Ceneth. Let. Me. See. It."

"Absolutely not."

"I don't see why-"

"Act like you did faint for a second, we're here." I dropped my head back to his shoulder as he fumbled with the door handle. The door clicked and then opened. Ondine wasn't anywhere, but the curtains where drawn and the sheets turned down.

"Where is she?" he whispered.

"The closet?" I suggested. He dropped me on the bed.

"That wasn't nice." I complained. He grinned broadly.

"I thought you knew that I wasn't a nice person."

"And your cold, mean, hateful, spiteful and-"

"Enough with my personality," He grumbled.

I nodded my head and looked at his arm, the cut on his arm was not a scratch- it was a gash. The bleeding had stopped and I was about to yell at him for lying when something stilled me.

I swore that his skin was _moving _back together. I watched the wound very closely, watching in amazement as the skin did what I thought it did, it knitted itself back together until there was no record of the cut, just a small pink line and a bead of blood. I looked up at his face; he was looking at me eyes wide.

"What are you?" I asked him. He blinked.

"What?"

"What the hell are you?" I shouted, back up frantically, trying to get out of reaching distance.

"I-I don't un-understand." He stuttered. I grabbed a pillow and pulled it against my chest.

"Your heart, your skin…what else?" I could feel my heart beating wildly against my ribs my lungs felt like they couldn't get enough air.

"Tara. What are you talking about?" his voice was placating, patronizing.

He knew it.

He knew what I was talking about, but he was going to pretend he didn't. That's what he was. A pretender, wanting to be something he wasn't.

_You're the same. _Something whispered. I tried to shake the voice away as the edges of my vision were being bleached with black.

**XoxOxoX**

I opened my eyes. Ondine was hovering over me and the room was dark. I bolted up, looking around, the towel that had been on my forehead falling onto my lap.

"What happened?" I whispered. Ondine look relieved.

"You fainted, Tara." She whispered.

"The fight?" I whispered.

"It wasn't a dream."

"No one won?" I asked her. She shook her head no. "What happened after I fainted?"

"Ceneth brought you here, gave you to me and then left. He was quiet distraught." My stomach knotted up and Ondine's did not waver from mine.

I tried to grab at something, a shred of a memory, but then it was gone. _Not for your eyes. _What…? I blinked and looked up at her.

"Is there anything going on tonight?" she grinned widely.

"I thought you'd never ask!" She laughed.

"What?" I asked her. She shook her head and pulled on my hand until I was out of bed.

On light feet she flitted thru my bathroom and to the closet she came back a quick second later with a dress and a pair of shoes. She held up the dress for me to see. It was lilac in color, cotton from the look of the material. It was a modest dress with a graceful neckline and sleeves that ended just above the elbow. The shoes she had fished out were simple white slippers.

"I approve," I said. Ondine smiled wide and motioned for me to get dress.

With a sigh I did as she asked me. My mind wasn't on the dressing though, I was trying to get that memory I had forgotten back. It was important, but every time I almost got it, it slipped thru my fingers.

**XoxOxoX**

Ondine led me out onto yet another of the many patios of the castle and with a giggle left me to fend for myself.

My thoughts were a jumbled mess and my forgetfulness bothered me more than it usually did.

I walked toward the candlelight that was coming from the other side of the patio and found myself pleasantly delighted. There was a small table set for two places and a bottle of wine in the middle next to a candelabra. The moon was hung low in the sky the starts were sparkling brilliantly and the fireflies where blinking in the garden.

"Wow." I whispered.

"It's beautiful isn't?" I turned around my hand to my throat in surprise. Ceneth was standing there a playful smile stretching his lips

"You scared me!" I breathed. He ducked his head, looking down at his shoes.

"Sorry about that." He murmured.

"It's okay."

He looked up at me and smiled sheepishly and I caught myself wondering if he was that shy or if this situation made him uncomfortable. He moved to one of the chairs and pulled it out, with a small smiled I sat down in it and folded the napkin in my lap. He sat down opposite to me and also folded his napkin in his lap. It was all a very awkward business.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

"Yes. I'm fine. To tell the truth I can't remember why I even fainted." He let out a breath and smiled sadly.

"Well, I guess it was the heat, you never do know."

"No, you don't." I replied. He paused and poured us each a glass of red wine. I held the stem gently and took a sip. The heavy fluid ran down my tongue.

"Now, tell me, who lost?" I asked him. He smiled.

"After your little episode we stopped fighting, called it a draw."

"Has he tried to spring you in a hallway or something?" I asked him.

"No, Dimitri is probably more disappointed with the outcome than most would care to guess."

"I suppose. What makes me so valuable though?" I asked him. Ceneth looked up at me. His eyes grew hard and his mouth pressed into a thin line.

"That's what I want to know." He whispered. My palms started to sweat and my body went cold. "Did you do anything with him." It was a command to tell him.

"Why?" I asked.

"I have the right to know what goes on in my walls." Oh gods. I was in so much trouble… I swallowed.

"Well." I knotted my fingers together. "I don't know why I did it. I was so alone. And he had come in that morning to take me to see you, but he didn't he took me to Torin and I don't know why I did it. They both have hurt me and I guess I'm a horrible judge of character. I don't know." I whispered. It all came out in a tumble,

I would be surprised if he under stood any of it. He must have.

He slowly turned to stone. His eye hardening into chips of dark sapphire, he jaw taught and his shoulders tense. His chest barely moved with each breath he took.

"Why?" he chocked out.

"I don't know." I whispered again. Slowly the sing of his rage began to show, the twitch of the muscle in his jaw, his hands convulsively forming into fists his breathing speeding up.

"He killed your parents." He said.

"Yes."

"And you _slept_ with him?" his voice was laced with disgust.

"Yes." I whispered.

"What the hell where you thinking?" he shouted, standing up abruptly.

"I don't know." I whispered.

"Didn't you even _think_ about what you were doing?"

"Yes! And I regret it! Do you think I don't? Do you think I woke up and smiled because of my _conquest_? I didn't if your curios! And who the hell are you to tell me about relations?" I shouted.

"I stopped that when you asked me. You could have just let it alone." He hissed.

"I asked you after it happened!" I shouted, my temper flaring again.

"That's not the point."

"Yes, it is the Gods damned point!" I yelled, throwing my hands above my head.

"Do not yell at me." He whispered.

"You're jealous aren't you?" I said, feeling the wonder on my face. He shook his head no and laughed with out humor. "Yes, yes you are! You wanted me for yourself. All of me. That's twisted."

"Shut up." He hissed, his hands clenching at his sides. I laughed, more of a shrill bark.

"That's it isn't it? You are such a sick and twisted man!"

"Shut up."

"You wanted to save the reluctant girl-"

"Stop!" he shouted.

"All for your self!" I yelled over top him, not relenting. "You sick bastard." He glared at me.

"Don't. You. Dare." He whispered.

"You wanted my virginity." I said, I felt the nasty smile that twisted my lips.

"You don't know anything." He said.

"I don't know anything? Then tell me Ceneth. Why don't you tell me what the hell is going on around here?"

"Nothing is going on."

"Yes, but back on the previous subject- you wouldn't have gotten it." I said in a sing-song voice. He stared at me, mouth open his eye helpless. "You'll never guess who took it. Nope! Torin. He took it. Do you want to know what he did?" I was whispering toward the end. All of my pain, my rage hatred for Torin and Dimitri was bubbling to the surface. Ceneth was just on the receiving end, somewhere I felt guilty for my behavior.

"No. Tara. Please. Just…don't." he whispered. His eyes seemed to shimmer.

"After he gave me this lovely bruise," I said, still using that high pitch patronizing sing song voice

"Don't. I don't want to hear it, please." He whispered.

"No, no, wait! It gets even better!" I sang.

"Tara. Please."

"He raped me." I said, using that same voice, but I could feel the hyseterical laugh bubbling in my chest.

_What have I done?_

Ceneth sat down and hung his head in his hands. I sat down too. Sick and tired. So, so tired. I rested my head on the table and looked at my feet. This was hell. Just like us two.

"You and I can ruin a perfectly good night. Can't we?" I whispered. His fingers brushed over my hand and I glanced up at him. He was looking at me, but his expression was guarded and he looked tired as well.

"Its not us," He whispered, "it's everything else in this world." I nodded my head. Cliché. Cliché. Cliché times three!

"You know when this all began I thought it was a bit like beauty and the beast. I thought I was the beauty, you the beast. Looks like I was wrong." I whispered. He smiled sadly.

"You have no idea." I looked at him, a question dawning on me.

"How? How can you forget that? I just screamed at you and tortured you and you're back as if it never happened."

"When you live with disappointment, lust, rage, jealously you easily become immune to it. What you said didn't make me angry, well a little. What makes me angry is seeing the toll this horrid place is taking on you. It's selfish of me." He whispered.

"You'll let me go home?" I asked him, suddenly hopeful.

"No. I can't."

"Why not?" I asked, sullen again, feeling tears finally threaten to break.

"Because if let you go I can't keep an eye on you." He said with a slight smile.

"What? Are you suddenly concerned about me?"

"We are still at war, the price for your head is just as high as it is for mine." He said.

"I'm sorry Ceneth. I said things that I shouldn't have."

"Its all right." He said with another tiny smile.

_You poisonous bitch. _I blinked. What was with that voice I kept hearing? With a shaky sigh I downed the contents of my glass.

"I'm not very hungry." I whispered. He nodded his head.

"Same here." I smiled sadly.

"Can I go to sleep?" I asked him. He smiled a little as well.

"Yes, I think we could both use some sleep and time to think about everything that happened today."

"Yeah." I whispered. We both moved thru the castle to our respected rooms. I stopped outside of my door.

"Goodnight Ceneth." I whispered.

"Goodnight." He called back. I turned the handle and stepped into my room, shutting the door behind me.

**-Forest Room- **

He sat on the edge of his bed, his boot thrown haphazardly across the floor. His shirt was untucked and his hair mussed from where he had run his hands thru it. There was a knock on the door, but he ignored it, continuing on with his brooding. The knocks came again, more insistent. He opened the door with a sigh.

"Ondine." He said. She put her hands on her hips.

"I did it."

"I noticed." He replied. She tapped her foot,

"You know, when I was sent here to watch you the job didn't say favors where required."

"You would have done it any way." He said.

"Yeah,. I know." She whispered.

"Thank you." He said.

"What ever. Goodnight." She said closing the door as she left.

He smiled a bit and went back to sit on the edge of his bed. This was hell. His mind kept going over the day. So much in one little day… One thing in particular bothered him.

Torin. The mere thought made his blood boil and curdle. It was all he could do not to hunt down the bastard and kill him. But why this anger? Why this sudden attachment? He rubbed his temples, sighing.

With a groan he fell back onto the bed, his hands behind his head. His eyes were closed and he was drifting to sleep when something shattered that peace.

He sat up bolt right, looking around for whatever had woken him up. But there was nothing. He didn't move, stating hard at the floor and straining his ears for any noise.

He was about to give up when he heard it again, a muffled scream that it was coming from what sounded like the next room over.

But that was impossible.

His heart started to beat faster and his blood ran cold. He didn't stop to think, he pushed himself off the bed and opened the door to the hallway with a quick flick of his wrist. When he heard that muffled scream again he broke into a run.

**A/N~ took me two days! Two days to write all of this! So the good news is while the majority of this is confusing, we are getting to the good part, someone's asked me where we are in my plot and I think its safe to say that right now we are smack dab in the middle. I dunno if that means ill be writing another 12 chapters, I just know that know we will be moving at a whole lot faster pace and there should be some action. So tell me what you (Tara's life just sucks, doesn't?) Oh and really quick- if you're wondering what the cliché thing is- that's me mocking myself ;). Question, Comment, Concerns, ect- you know how to get me! And i want to know what you think of my two new characters!**

**One last little thing- one of my favorite authros used to write on this site, Cassandra Clare, she wrote the mortal instrument books (I loves those!) so if you know her pen name here, could you tell me? thanks!**


	13. Black

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter 13: Black**

**Note- I tried to do this as…elegantly as possible…let me know if I failed or did…adequate. **

**-Ocean Room-**

I leaned against the door, the knob still clutched between my fingers. I breathed a sigh and raked my hands thru my hair, feeling the tension in my muscles. So much in one little day. So, so much.

I sighed and pushed off the door, undoing the buttons on the side of my dress as I walked toward my bed. When I unfastened all the buttons the purple fabric fell into a pool around my feet, I stepped out of it and laid down on my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin and turning onto my side. I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, nothing really running thru my head. I was listening to the noises of my room, the creaks, the bumps, and the sound of the wind outside against the window pane.

My eyes were shut and I was drifting when a different noise, a decidedly heavy creaking, startled me back into consciousness. The pace of my heart picked up as I shrunk down into the comforter, not knowing what it was, just that it didn't belong.

My eye slowly adjusted to the minimal light, picking out the shapes in the room, the vanity, the chairs, the bed post, standing next to the bed post was a mass that was thicker and darker than anything else. My breath hissed over my teeth and my heart galloped in my chest. My blood ran cold and I couldn't breath.

Almost as if it sensed I was about to do something, it moved, lightening quick to my head, the scream I was about to release was silenced by a hand over my mouth and nose.

I trashed, trying to escape from their grip, to get a little air to my bursting lungs. Another attempt at a scream came out as a muffled gasp against the hand.

I brought my arms up, ignoring the pain in my left wrist as I wrapped my fingers around my assaulter's arm and tried to tug their hand away form my mouth and nose. Little red spots dotted the limited vision I had.

Their fingernails dug into my skin, cutting it, revenging my cheeks when I attempted to tug their hand away. I was about to faint, their hand slid down, still covering my mouth but not my nose. I inhaled and tried to scream again, but my body wouldn't let me, I needed the air too much. After two more deep breaths I tried to scream, the result was a muffled sound. Their other hand fastened around my wrists and dragged them over my head. I kicked out with my feet, trying to connect with something, trying to make them distracted enough that I could move away.

"Stop moving!" they hissed, a man.

I thrashed again, kicking with my feet and pulling my torso away, wrenching my neck to the side. His hand flew off my mouth and then it was back, hitting my jaw with enough force to knock my head side ways and make my teeth rattle. Stars danced behind my eyes and I tasted blood in my mouth.

"You'll be quiet if you have any sense left in that stupid head of yours," he whispered dangerously.

I sucked in my breath, knowing that I if could scream at least once I would be saved. His fist connected with my stomach in a bruising blow that forced the air out of my lungs, causing my air depraved body to try and shut down. I sucked in a gulp of air, desperate to stay awake, not to fall into weakness.

He dragged me to the edge of the bed, putting my feet on the floor, my thighs between their legs. His free hands tore at the cloth slip, grabbing the neckline and puling on it hard, chocking me until it made a ripping sound. I jerked my knees up, connecting with something.

"Bitch," they hissed and a knife was pressed against my throat, the blade cold and hard, sharp, dangerous. I abruptly stopped moving, panting, trying to gain enough air to scream.

"Stop moving," he commanded. I swirled the blood that was in my mouth and spat at them. The blade pressed harder into my throat, pricking my skin painfully. His free hand ripped the cloth even more, exposing my stomach.

"I told you not to move, this wouldn't be so painful if you didn't." I recognized that voice…

"Dimitri," I hissed around the blood in my mouth and my swelling lip. There was laughter.

"Yes. Me." He whispered. I tired to get out of his grasp, but his hold on my left hand was hurting me and the knife cut shallowly into my throat.

"You have questions, I'm sure," he whispered.

"What the hell are you doing?" I spat, sounding a hell of a lot braver than I felt. His hot breath was against my face.

"This knife, I'm going to kill you with it, after I have my way with you. I'm going to cut your throat, then I'll kill myself. I've waited far too long to get out of this."

I discreetly sucked in my breath, but his hand was over my mouth again, keeping me silent. I screamed uselessly but the cries came out as muffled squeaks.

"I'm sure you have noticed the people here," a monologue? He was doing this to me and talking? I tried jerk my knees up again, but stopped when I felt his palm on my stomach, his fingers oddly threatening despite the lack of pressure.

"They act older than you, pretend like they know you. Well, here is the funny part- they do," he whispered. "They have seen you many times before, we all have.

"Now let me explain. Dear, dear Ceneth is to cowardly to end this bloody business the proper way. So, we would use you to kill him, because really, all we have to do is kill either of you," his hot breath was against my throat as he whispered to me. My blood ran wet and thick down to my collar bones and my jaw was aching.

I had heard a thing, a phrase people used when they were talking about good and bad, there are no shades of grey. Black. White. Bad. Good. Radically different. You were either one, they didn't mix into shades of grey. There was no middle ground.

I couldn't help but focus on this obscure thought. This simple little saying folk had. Or how Dimitri was on the black end of things, evil, cruel, malicious. I was white. Good, innocent. It seemed funny to me, that I would apply that to my situation, when I should have been paying attention.

"You don't understand a word of this do you?" had he picked up on the fact that I wasn't listening? "Well, it is really quite simple- every person in this castle has been alive longer than you can imagine. Maybe…four hundred years?

"How is that possible- that's what we want to know. Now poor, poor you. You somehow managed to make this happen. You somehow managed to put this…this curse on us." The knife pressed even harder into my throat, cutting deeper. I whimpered in pain, my musings forgotten.

He laughed, "You don't feel pain, and you don't die, shut up. Let me explain.

"You somehow trapped us all into the state of limbo, we figured out how to stop it. While, yes you caught on, you weren't cautious enough. You don't know _anything. _I have waited so long to tell you this, all of it. So long.

"Where shall we start? Your parents. I killed them, personally. With my own blade. I didn't know what you were blathering about, and naturally, I wanted to get into your good graces, so I lied.

"I found them in a cave. Do you want to know what your mother did?

"She offered her body to me. Said she'd be mine if I'd spare her, let her keep her daughter. She was a whore too, moaned like one, screamed like one when I cut her throat.

"Your father was a spineless excuse of a man, he laid down and died. How he must hate your mother! Only if the whore you call a mother knew what you had become. A stupid bitch like her- You can't even recognize your own twin, or your brother!

"Sad, isn't Lila? A great being has fallen so much in her past couple hundred years, don't you think?"

He struck me, the knife letting my throat alone momentarily, his punch sending my head into ringing confusion.

"Where are you? Filthy bitch, you don't even come out to play anymore, because you can't you weak whore!" He hissed, something warm and wet landed on my cheek and I shuddered to think what it was.

I finally got it out- a scream, not loud, but enough.

He savagely grabbed my throat squeezing until my air cut off. His blade was at my chest, the point stabbing my breast each time I moved. I thrashed in his grip and he lowered the blade the point puncturing my skin, I felt the muscles tear slowly as the blade went in deeper.

I tired to make a noise, so much, it felt like fire. His fingers relaxed their grip for a second and I sucked in air, not focusing on my body's need for it, wanting someone to hear me, I tried to scream but all I could utter was a gurtle sound.

His arm was across my throat and the blade still puncturing my skin. Why so slow? Why was he so cruel as to kill me slowly? Let feel each stage of pain as the blade punctured me?

It was black. I couldn't see I could vaguely hear, what I wasn't sure.

The pounding of feet?

The tearing of my muscle?

Gods the pain was intense, bone shattering, back breaking. My throat burned, I need to scream. My cheeks felt wet and my hair was plastered to my forehead. I felt the metal tip scratch my bone.

His arm suddenly off my throat and the blade pulled out with a quick jerk that made me twitch. I tried to raise my hands to the wound, knowing that I had to stem the blood flow, but I couldn't, I didn't want to. There was no point, I would die, I would see my mother, I would live a happy life with the gods. Blackness engulfed me and I faded out, hearing very little other than my name, cursing and loud thumps. I fought with my fading conscious, looking for the words that would beg forgiveness form the Gods. But they couldn't be found.

Oh the sweet agony of death…

**XoxOxoX**

**-Rose Room-**

There was, is, nothing as agonizing as not knowing. He knew the answers to a lot of things, but to this one thing…he didn't know.

He felt emotionally drained, he had no energy to do anything. He kept replaying that horrible scene he had seen in his head, experiencing the rush of anger, of adrenaline over and over again.

He had wrenched opened her door and the moon filter in at just the right angle for him to see Dimitri bent over her, arm across her throat. He had rushed forward, grabbed the back of Dimitri's shirt, pulling him back sharply.

She had screamed (Oh how that had haunted him!), a scream of pure agony, that's when he noticed the bloody blade. His anger got him, he wrestled the blade away and pinned his former friend to the floor, the blade coated with her blood in his hand. Dimitri started to laugh.

"Coward." He had spat.

"You know nothing!" He hissed. Dimitri laughed.

"If only you had come later, if only, then…then I would have finished what I had started."

"You don't deserve a trial."

"I've been alive long enough, do it. Not a punishment, not a gift, a release." He stopped, thinking, his anger making his actions cold and precise.

"You can't." Dimitri laughed. But he could. He had raised his hand.

"Have you ever learned the trick where you can sever a man's spine and puncture his heart with one stab?" He had asked, deadly quiet.

"No, I hav-" before Dimitri could finish he had brought his arm down with violent force, thru Dimitri's back, severing his spinal cord and puncturing his heart in one move.

"First blood." He had whispered, getting off the ground and moving quickly to the curtains.

He had yanked them open with force and when enough light had been let in he went to the bed. Her breath was shallow, her lips were swollen and her jaw bruised, blood ran down her throat, blooming over her chest and dripping onto the bed.

His thoughts had turned darkly back to the night when he had this exact image. He couldn't have done it then, he could never have done it.

He had gently pulled the shredded fabric back across her chest and stomach, feeling like he wasn't privy to that. He had gently picked her up and carried her down the stairs to the great hall, stopping once to bang loudly on a door.

He had hurried down the first floor of the castle, but it wasn't fast enough. He banged on the door that hid the servants' hallway and moved to the dining room.

He had laid her flat on the table and the castle was alight with activity. The servants running around lighting candles, pulling open the curtains. Tanya, the head woman ran in to see him, requesting if he need anything, trying to find out what was wrong. She looked at the woman lying still on the table and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"She'll be alright." She whispered, and moved off, shouting instructions. Bedding was brought into the dining room and a pillow placed under her head.

Ondine came thru the doors at a run, her hair a rumpled mess her robe half done with a coat over her shoulders.

"Ceneth? Ceneth! What is going on?" she skidded to a stop next to him and looked at her.

"Oh gods," She whispered, moving forward and placing her hand over the wound on her chest, her fingers coated with blood.

"Can you do anything?" he whispered. She looked up at him, shaking her head.

"Ondine. Please, please, try." He had begged. She looked at him steadily.

"I can't do much Ceneth. I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Do what you can. This isn't a favor Ondine, you owe me this!" She looked at him and back at Tara. She placed her hand on Tara's forehead, not moving for a long moment and then she stepped away, grabbing Tara's limp hand a tear on her cheek.

"That's all I can do." She whispered. He nodded his head.

"Get a doctor, get Philippe and please get someone to bring me one of those roses from the maze. Not the black or white ones. The blue ones." He whispered.

She nodded her head and sprinted off. He smoothed Tara's hair back from her forehead, an odd feeling stealing over him.

This was her. Not who he wanted her to be, but Tara.

Philippe came into the room, in the same disarrayed state that Ondine had been in. He looked at her once and then back to Ceneth.

"Who?" He asked.

"Dimitri."

"Where is he," Philippe managed.

"In her room."

"Dead." He had looked at the other man, he knew, that's why it had been stated.

"I had to." He whispered. Philippe clasped his shoulder.

"No one will blame you." He whispered, turning on his heal and enlisting a couple of the meandering guard for what ever task he was off to do. A doctor came and Ondine shortly after, clutching the rose in her hand.

He didn't say anything, letting the doctor pass. Ondine looked at him sympathetically as the doctor set to work, examining her, first pulling away the bloody strips of cloth and then rising away the blood.

He had turned away from the scene, unable to watch it for much longer.

That had been two days ago. He felt tired physically, but he couldn't sleep. Philippe had cleaned up the body, the sheets had been burned, the rug taken out, everything had been taken out- the bed, the furniture, the curtains. All that was left was the color of the walls and the chandelier. He ordered all of the furniture sold to the next city and the room closed for good.

While that had been done he had stayed with her. The doctor had sewn up the wound, black thread holding the skin together. Around her throat was white gauze to stem the blood flow. She was breathing evenly, but she wouldn't wake up. He didn't move much, alternating between the chair by her head and lying next to her on the bed.

Ondine would come in occasionally and read a couple poems out loud or brush her hair, but there was no change. Another day went by; he wondered if she'd ever wake up.

Yet another day.

Was she dying? He thought.

He hadn't eaten, hadn't slept. This was his fault, somehow.

Another day and another, and two more.

Over a week now.

The doctor was anxious.

Ondine came in yet again.

"Ceneth, eat please." She whispered.

"No. Do you have that rose?"

"Yes."

He cleared his throat, his voice hoarse from talking so much without water. But they dint know he was talking, and he was, talking to her about his child hood, what he remembered about his mother and father, almost everything.

"Boil water, bring the rose here and a bowl." She went off to comply. He turned his attention back to her.

"Please wake up." He whispered. Ondine hurried back in, the rose in one hand and a crucible in the other.

"Listen carefully. Pull off one petal and grind it up." The petal turned into a fine powder. "Add one more." She did. "Now take a bit of pollen out of the center and dust it in." She did that as well. "There should be at least one torn on there, hold the stem."

She held it, the thorn facing down. He rubbed the pad of his finger across the thorn, ignoring the burning of his hand and the feeling of nausea touching the flower sent thru him.

"Cut that off and drop it in, grind that up, when the waters boils I want you to put that in the cup," he whispered.

She nodded her head and left.

Before she came back he had fallen asleep.

**XoxOxoX**

Ondine knew enough about the roses and the gardens to know what exactly the rose would do to her, it would wake her, up no matter what state she was in.

She had put the powder in the water and went back up to the room Tara was lying in. Ceneth had fallen asleep next to her, his breath whispering softly, stirring tendrils of her hair. Ondine smiled sadly and lifted up Tara's head, placing the cup to her lips and pouring the contents down her throat. She swallowed it and Ondine placed her gently back down.

She then took up residence in the chair, holding Tara's hand. She thought of the thing she had done the night this happened, but that didn't seem to be helping much. Then again, she hadn't been around when they changed bandages. She stood up and with quick light fingers pulled down the gauze around her throat, looking at the thin red line where the knife had cut.

Was it helping then? She wondered.

She collapsed back into the chair, feeling physically exhausted. The hand she held in her own twitched, just a slight movement that made Ondine sit forward and studied her closely. Tara's hand twitched again, her fingers clamping around Ondine's. She smiled brilliantly and pushed Tara's hair off her forehead. Tara's hand gripped her own and then she was stirring, her eyelashes fluttering as she opened her eyes to look at Ondine. Except those weren't her eyes. Ondine gasped.

"Lilia?" She asked her. The woman in the bed smiled and tried to sit up, but she couldn't.

"Yes, yes." She whispered, glancing at Ceneth.

"What are you…how?" Ondine whispered. She waved her hand at the other woman in a dismissing gesture.

"He dead?" she asked. Ondine nodded her head. "All right. Don't forget Ondine. You have to remind him, I think he is forgetting his place in all of this." Lilia's violet eyes flashed angrily. Ondine wondered, not for the first time, if the woman that had undergone such torture throughout her life was still as sane as she was the day they all had met her.

"Why do you say that?" Ondine whispered.

"Because, he seems to be particularly attached to this girl, I do not know why. Pity though, she's harder to get rid of this time. Must be because my power was split, if only she didn't have a twin, then this would make it all so much easier." Ondine looked at her confused. "Just make sure you tell Ceneth that he needs the other twin before he can do what he needs to."

Ondine nodded her head, her face a bit worried. What about Tara?

"I'll give her back in a second, be careful though, she might scream when she wakes up, you did give her those roses, and that is something not to be tampered with." Ondine said nothing, watching silently as her eyes closed and it seemed like she sunk back into that coma. Except…there it was again- the fluttering of the lashes. Ondine stood, watching silently as signs of awakening took over her body. Her pulse pounded harder in her throat and she was moving her head from side to side, mouth turned down at the corners and tears leaking out of her eyes. She screamed then, a loud agonizing scream that seemed to split open the earth.

**XoxOxoX**

It was mist. Black mist. There was nothing really relevant about it, just that it was there and I couldn't seem to find my way back. Hardly any voices helped me and then there was one, telling me stories, I think that's what helped me back. Then there was something sweet smelling and bitter at the same time. And after that- nothing.

I was aware I was waking up because I was replaying that scene my head, hearing the words he had said over and over again.

He had tried to rape me, but had gotten too caught up in gloating over killing me… I felt the tears on my cheeks and then the belated scream that tore out of my throat. Instantly someone was touching me, my hair my face.

"Tara, Tara, open your eyes," they said. I did that, looking up at a brown pair. I screamed, not know who it was, trying to move away, but my body wouldn't let me move that way.

"Tara, it's just Ondine." Someone whispered from my left. I turned my head, ignoring the pain in my throat, seeing Ceneth's blue eyes.

He looked haggard, his cheek bones looked like they would piece his skin, there were hollows under his eyes and dark circles as well. His skin looked almost grey and his lips were cracked and chapped.

I looked back over, seeing Ondine, worse for wear sitting in the chair, looking at me with genuine concern. I couldn't meet her eyes.

"Sorry." I whispered. Ceneth's hand smoothed my hair away from my face.

"Don't be, we understand." He whispered. Ondine nodded her head and I managed to look at her. I said nothing, looking down at my chest.

"What did they do to me?" I whispered. Ondine pushed herself out of the chair and undid a couple of buttons on the cloth I was wearing. I shivered as the breeze hit my back but pulled at my collar looking down at my chest. Above my right breast was and angry red line with black threaded thru it. "What's the black?" I whispered.

"They sewed it back together so it would heal. The doctor says we are supposed to be putting this on after you wake up." Ondine said, motion to a little bowl with what looked like purple paste in it.

I nodded my head and she helped me button up the dress while Ceneth's arm around my waist steadied me as I sat. There was a knock on the door and Philippe came in with a bright smile, a tray in his hand laden with food. My dry throat watered a bit. He set the tray in between me and Ceneth.

"Soup is for you, my lady, as well as the tea, but nothing else, doctors orders." He said with a smile.

"But who's the rest for then?" I asked him. He smiled.

"Ceneth, he hasn't eaten for a week." He said. I turned to look at him with wide eyes. He smiled sheepishly and ducked his head, but I could see the strain of worry in lines on his face.

I sighed and took the bowl, sipping the broth, it was the best soup I had ever tasted. Ceneth picked at the fruit with his free hand, but kept his arm around me, normally I would have minded, but I couldn't sit up on my own…

I was quickly done with the soup and took the tea cup, holding it in my lap between my hands. I looked from Philippe to Ondine. Probably the only two genuine friends I ever had.

"Pip." I said with a small smile. Philippe raised an eyebrow at me.

"What?" Ondine asked me.

"Philippe said everyone calls him Philip regardless his whishes, I asked him what he wanted to be called, he wouldn't tell me. So, I'm going to use Pip." I explained. Philippe smiled and laughed, shaking his head.

"Pip. It does sort of fit you." Ondine said, her eyes bright.

"I agree." Ceneth said quietly, pushing the tray away from us, but his expression was somber, so was Ondine's and Pip's.

Please don't.

"Tara. We don't want you to have to think about it too much, but we have to know what happened." He whispered. I gripped my cup tighter and took a shallow breath, feeling fiery pain from my wound.

"You don't have to right now." Ondine whispered.

"No. I do." I said, "He told me he was going to kill me, after he had his way with me." I took a breath, feeling the tears stinging my eyes. Ceneth was rigid beside me, Pip was still as stone, his muscle flexed and taught. "He tired to…rape me… But he got too wrapped up in a monologue." I whispered.

"What did he say?" Ondine asked me, her eyes intense.

"He was speaking incoherently, kept repeating himself. But he was saying something about killing me or Ceneth. That if either of us were dead it would 'end the whole bloody business.' He told me that I was a pawn that they were using to get to Ceneth, and that I had found them out, that I was useless." I stopped and took anther breath, assessing the faces around me.

Pip's was unreadable, a mask, but he was listening.

Ondine was gripping the chair tightly, her knuckles white.

Ceneth was furious, he wasn't moving, hardly breathing, keeping himself under control. "He said something about this castle, that is was in limbo, that everyone here has been alive for at least four hundred years… He said that they've seen me before, many times, that it was my fault… And…"

He admitted to killing my parents himself_._ I couldn't say that out loud.

"Ondine," Ceneth whispered, motioning to the hallway. She nodded her head and got up, closing the door quietly behind her. Ceneth helped me lay back down.

"Hold on, one second." He whispered, getting up and following her, his shoulders were taught. Pip was looking at me curiously.

"Did he say anything else?" he asked me.

"Yes. He admitted to killing my parents himself, he called me a stupid whore… he told me that I couldn't even recognize my own brother or my twin…" I whispered. Pip's face was indifferent again but his eyes flickered with something I didn't know how to put into words. "It's impossible though, I'm an only child." I whispered. But after everything that was happening nothing was impossible. Pip came to sit by my head.

"You forgot to ask me one question," I looked at him.

"What was that?" I asked. He smiled.

"Where I am from."

"Oh. I did, didn't I?" I said with a smile. He nodded his head. "Are you going to tell me?" I asked. He smiled and nodded his head.

"Marchess," he said. I looked at him carefully.

"Are you the dictator or something?" I asked him. He laughed.

"Dictator? No, no! What have you been reading? I am the king." He said with another laugh.

"But what about the war?" I asked him, still protesting this.

"Yes, there was a war, but not what you have learned. What really happened is Fief and Marchess allied. There had been previous scuffles between us, therefore some fighting broke out, do to unhappiness to be aligned with "the enemy" but no, we weren't fighting each other, we were fighting Pasadillas." He said with a small laugh.

"But then…that makes no sense. My parents fled, refugees of their country."

"Silly Tara, you think I don't know where you come from, who you were." He said with a laugh.

"What?" I whispered.

"I know that your parents were Crown Prince and Princess, my parents were as well. However, the only different between you and me is that they took you with them and left me in the care of advisors. You were two, I was five or so." He said.

"But…I don't understand." I whispered. He smiled widely.

"Mother and Father fled because of a revolt. They took you with them because they thought no one would find them and they didn't want you exposed to the hatred of the country just because of their parents choices. They were supposed to come here and raise you, but they never reached the castle. I grew up, never hearing a word from them or from you I knew that they were dead, just an instinct I had."

"What about me having a twin?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"I don't know what happened to her. She didn't look like you from what I remember; she looked like our mother, green eyes and brown hair." I nodded my head.

"I've met her before apparently." I whispered. He nodded his head again, looking at me closer.

"They hated her. She repulsed them." He whispered.

"Who?"

"Our sister. They couldn't kill her, didn't have the heart. Both of you were charming as children. They sent her off to live somewhere in this country, the family was instructed to raise her as if she weren't special."

"What was her name?" I asked him. Pip smiled a bit.

"The family changed her name, which was part of the conditions; you both had your names changed. But hers was Aureole."

"I had my name changed?" I whispered. He nodded his head and smiled.

"You weren't Tara at first. You were Anzhela. It means angle," he whispered.

"But when did I become Tara? Surely I'd remember it if I was called Anzhela for two years…"

"You became Tara about… eight or so months after you were born. It was your middle name. They argued, our parents, many still argue today about your name sake. They call you the angle of love. Others call you the angle of land."

"But you're at your rightful place, as eldest you would have inherited the throne, and you're the only son…I think." I said.

"My, my, you don't know too much about our customs do you?" he asked me with a laugh.

Talking about political matters wasn't number one on my list of things that I wanted to discuss, but it kept my mind off it, I dreaded the coming hours of sleep.

"I was raised here. I know these customs." I said.

"Well, in our country, its whomever the crown prince or princess is, and that is whoever the rulers, currently ruling, or next in line decided it is. You and I were both to be crowned, it was a joint ceremony, you were first because you were younger, we were half way thru with me when we had to flee. So, strictly speaking, I'm not the rightful ruler, you are."

"I'm a woman, they think I'm dead."

"No. Everyone knows you're alive."

"How?" he smiled brilliantly but didn't comment.

"Pip?" I asked him. His eyes looked at me, one brow raised in question. "What do you know about this place?" I asked him. He smiled.

"What you know. I figured something was odd… Everyone talked about years ago." He said.

"What do you know about Ceneth?" I asked him. He smiled brilliantly.

"Other than your engagement, not much. I am here because of his birthday celebration in the next two months. When is your marriage?" he asked me.

"I don't honestly know. How old is he going to be?" I asked.

"I think twenty-two? I am not quite positive…" he trailed off as the door to the room opened and Ceneth walked in, grim faced. Ondine came in behind him, her cheeks flushed red and glaring at him every so often.

"Ondine, Philippe, if you'd let me have a moment alone…?" he asked them. His usually velvet voice was scratchy. I wondered if it was from lack of water. The collar around my throat seemed suddenly chocking.

Pip left with Ondine on his arm, the door clicking softly tomorrow. Ceneth stood by the window, face impassive; a clock was tick-tocking somewhere, measuring out the quiet. I listened to it, the beat, and the rhythm.

_Tick. _

_Tock._

_Tick._

_Tock. _

_Tick. _

_Tock._

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N- horrible cliffhanger, I know. So nothing much to say about. This. Hope it through you for a loop! Let me know what you thought!**


	14. White

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter 14: White**

"I killed him," he whispered, the words shattering the rhythmic silence. I could hear the agony in his voice, how guilty he felt over the incident.

"You don't have to." I whispered, not understanding why he found it necessary to tell me this. He turned to look at me.

"Yes, I do. I killed him with his own knife, severed his spine, and punctured his heart. You've been drifting for over a week. We thought you gone." He met my eyes as he said it. "I won't put you back in that room, ever, that would be cruel." He said. I couldn't meet his eyes any longer, I looked away feeling exhausted even if I had been sleeping for a week. There was so, so much…

"You are not as bothered as you should be." He whispered, sitting down next to me, causing the mattress to sink and my left side to fall down a bit.

"No. Apart from my wound I'm not…shaken. I was shaken when Torin hurt me. I was shaken when he forced his desires on me. I was shaken when I woke up and you where holding that knife to my throat." He flinched back, guilt pulling down the corns of his mouth.

"I knew something was off about Dimitri. Somewhere I knew it. I guess I'm used to it by now, this unexpected abuse. Isn't that sick?" I asked him.

He said nothing, lying down beside me. I turned my neck to look at him after the silken had once again begun it's rhythmic tick-tock. It was unbearable.

"For some reason I was thinking. Thoughts that weren't exactly related to what was happening," his body tensed and I sense that he didn't want to know more than absolutely necessary, yet I couldn't stop myself. "I was thinking of that old saying. There is only black and white, no shades of gray. It seemed funny to me. I considered some people black…evil, but Dimitri. He was truly black to the heart and me…" I paused, taking a breath, "I was white. Good, almost pure, not evil. But I just don't know…"

I shut my mouth not saying anything, still watching Ceneth's still face, noting the tired lines that fanned out from the corners of his eyes, the frown line on his forehead. Something glistened at the edge of his eye and I knew instinctively that for some reason whatever I had just said brought up memories and thoughts in him better left untouched.

I attempted to quiet my thoughts so that I wouldn't speak out again. I started the mindless activity of counting as high as I could, imagining each number clearly, the color the shape, the curls, et cetera, to keep my mind form wandering. I had reach nine hundred and fifty two when I heard the door opened quietly. I stiffened as someone came to sit in the chair at my head. Ceneth didn't even stir.

"Tara, are you alright?" they asked, voice soft. I met the eyes of my sister.

"Raelin?" I asked her, stupefied with shock. She nodded her head biting her lip, eyes tight with worry.

"I came as soon I heard what happened, are you alright? We've all been sick with worry…" her eyes flicked over to Ceneth, jealously cooled her them considerably for a moment. She was dangerous. Very, very dangerous.

"Yes, yes I'm fine." I said briskly. She bit her lip again.

"Were you hurt?" she whispered. I gently touched my fingers to my chest, she placed hers over top of mine, and I moved my fingers out form under hers, the warmth on her skin making me uncomfortable. She concentrated, eyes focused on my invisible wound, loosing touch with the world. The stab wound started to tickle almost. I gently moved her hand away from it, not trusting whatever it was she was doing. She glanced at me, coming back to herself.

"I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have let you some here," She whispered. I nodded my head, resisting the urge to say something nasty.

"I've been here for how long?" I asked her.

"Over two weeks." She said. The majority of that time passed out hurt in some bed. Again her eyes flicked to Ceneth, envy making them glint like chips of emerald.

"That's him?" she whispered, unbelieving. I nodded my head. She covered her mouth with her hand, her long fingers holding her chin. There was something odd about her, almost as if out of the corner of my eye I caught something dark leaking out of her pores.

"He doesn't look healthy." She whispered. I said nothing, biting my cheek to stop from saying something truly rash.

"You're sleeping with Torin, aren't you?" Yes, because that wasn't rash enough, especially considering my extremely vulnerable state, I chided myself. She didn't flinch at my words but looked at me steadily.

"Yes." She whispered. I tried to smile, but my jaw wasn't working properly.

"Raelin, I'm not mad at you for it, nor will I give you my blessing. I'll give you a warning. He is dangerous. Be careful. And what will you do when father finds out?" I asked her. She smiled brightly.

"He won't! Torin and I have been here for the past month." A month. He was going behind my back before all of this even started? Why didn't that surprise me? Nothing could surprise me anymore.

"Alright, be careful around him." I stilled warned her, trying to figure out why I even gave a rat's ass about what would happen to her.

"I thought you hated him." She said, her eyes focusing again of Ceneth's peaceful face. I said nothing, thinking over her question.

"No. I don't hate him." I said, feeling it was the safest answer. She said nothing for a moment. Looking at me carefully.

"You shouldn't like him either. But, really, you don't mind me and Torin?" I shook my head no, ignoring what she said in reference to Ceneth.

She giggled quietly and sat up, flouncing off and thru the door which gently clicked as it shut. I sighed, feeling that tiredness creeping into my bones.

"Can I just say that your sister is a bitch?" Ceneth's sleepy voice said near my ear. I smiled a bit, his hand curling into a fist on my stomach the pressure not exactly unwelcome.

"I agree." I whispered.

"Let's just hope that Torin doesn't feel it's his duty to come and check on you…"

"Again, I agree. But you should go back to sleep." I whispered, trying not to jolt him out of his half way asleep state. His eyes weren't even opened as he talked to me.

"Yes, yes, I know. No need to waste my health for your benefit." He yawned. "Try not to hit me, please." He whispered, his mouth settling into a small smile.

"I will do my best to retrain myself." I said with an exaggerated sigh. He didn't say anything, instead his hand relaxed on my stomach until it was almost flat, his palm warming a circle on thru the cloth of my shift and his finger bent slightly, like Ondine's, but not as much. An artist's hands- long slender fingers but calloused. I yawned and shut my eyes his breathing becoming a lullaby.

**XoxOxoX**

When you truly have a moment alone to asses everything that has happened to you and how far down you've come it's a wonderful and painful experience. This was my moment.

I was alone in the new room, my room. However, where my other room was grand this one was minimalist in style. The bed that I was resting in taking up the space between two floor length windows, a dresser against the wall across from me, near the door and to my left, was a vanity. All the furniture was mahogany with white flowers as a elegant and almost childish decal. There were two doors set into the wall, I knew that one led to the hallway, the other to a bathroom with a small tub and counters made of white stone, but not marble and thru the bathroom was a closet, the racks and floor barren of clothing.

The room was called the rose room, I hadn't known it then, but the quarters had been vacated over a week ago, now they were mine. The name of the room was evident within the decorations. The comforter on the bed was a childish pink and the decorative pillows rose red, while the rest of the cloth was either white of tinge light pink. Everything fitted in with the theme except for the walls. They were white but glimmered during the day looking silver while at sunset they looked brilliant gold.

As a little joke Ondine had brought me a vase full of roses form the garden, red blooms, white, pink, yellow, black, and one blue one nested in the very center.

"You look slightly depressed." She had said with a small smile.

I saw Pip, but he only would open the door to say hello and check on me, urgent matters at hand he would say with a sigh and walk away. At first I thought he was joking, not wanting to be near me, but finally I saw the way he was dressed, black pants pressed neatly, shiny boot a crisp cream shirt, and a scarlet jacket with silver buttons and medals at the breast, he even was wearing a thin circle of gold that his dark hair curled around. King indeed.

I passed the third week of that month twiddling my thumbs, desperate to be out of that room, but I couldn't sit up on my own, and because I couldn't sit up on my own I couldn't get out of bed and walk.

Ondine visited me more often than anyone else, but soon she became involved in the "urgent matter" too.

I began to loath the "urgent matter".

While Ceneth did try very hard to split his time he couldn't. If he wasn't with me he was dealing with the "urgent matter". If he wasn't dealing with that, then he was welcoming the dignitaries that steadily flocked to the castle.

As I said, lots of time to think. The only time, ironically, that my thoughts weren't obsessed with my fall from innocence was at night.

I wasn't left alone, for fear that maybe there was a conspiracy or, not that Pip or Ondine knew, that Torin would find it within his favor to make a late night visit. They didn't do shifts. Ondine didn't sit and then would trade out with Pip or Ceneth, no, none of that sick patient trick.

Ceneth slept with me, keeping a respectful distance away at all times.

The second night after I woke up the sleeping arrangement dawned on me and scared me a bit, I couldn't sort out what I truly felt towards him. The third night I was a little looser, but I wouldn't fall asleep until I made sure he was asleep first.

I noticed a pattern with him, he was quiet for the first half of the night, but towards the second… nightmares plagued him. I didn't know what they were about, nor did I ask, because a small part of me didn't want to know.

The first time this happened I was so afraid that I didn't know what to do. One second I had been sleeping peacefully, the next I woke up to him thrashing and crying out to nothing. I had tried to shake him awake, but that didn't work and it hurt for me to sit up. After trying for a couple of minuets of shaking him awake, telling him to wake up softly, as best I could at my angle, I slapped his cheek, harder than I meant it to be. He bolted up right, eyes wide, panting a bit, but his pulse wasn't hammering in his throat. Again I felt something tickle my memory.

I should know what it was that bothered me about his pulse. What was it? He glanced at me.

"Sorry." He whispered.

I said nothing, closing my eyes and turning my face away.

The second night I was debating if I'd slap him again if he woke me up, the routine continued for three nights.

On the fourth night I was well enough that I could roll over to my side, so when he started trashing I rolled over and gripped his hand, trying something different.

His fingers were limp at first, but they gripped mine back, swallowing my small hand in his larger one. He was quiet for a while and I was about to drift off when another nightmare started, this one worse than the last. I placed my free hand on his stomach, he clamed for a bit, but that didn't help. With a groan of pain I moved closer to him and reached to cradle his cheek with my hand, while this was a completely maternal gesture it threw me for a bit and a wave of confusion clouded my thoughts. His cheek was damp and I wondered, not for the first time, what dreams did haunt him.

"It's okay," I had whispered again and again, long enough that I made my self believe it too, so that I couldn't remember why me comforting him bothered me so much.

That was the night before the "urgent matter" had occurred. That morning he had woken up bright and early whispering in my ear as he got up, "Thank you." I had made some noise in return and promptly fallen back asleep.

Next time I had seen Ceneth, he was dressed as nicely as Pip had been- nice black pants, polished boots, crisp white shirt and a dark blue double breasted jacket with silver buttons, he also had metals pinned to his breast and his black hair almost hid the white gold circlet. He had come in and sat in the chair near my head, kicking off his boots and tugged at his cuffs in frustration.

"What is this urgent matter?" I asked him. His gaze flicked to me.

"I don't want to talk about it." he whispered, voice layered with anger. I shrugged and gingerly pulled my self up against the head board he smiled, pleasantly surprised by my healing pace.

"Ondine wanted to do something with you tomorrow." He said. I nodded my head vigorously.

"That would be wonderful!" Ceneth raised an eyebrow, studying me carefully and then he stood up, his shoes forgotten. He muttered something about attending to business and left, closing the door softly. I twiddled my thumbs, trying to whistle but failing.

Boredom had set in when Ondine opened the door with a tray of food and a wide smile.

"Dinner!" she sang in a annoying high pitched voice. I winced a bit. She laughed.

"We are going to have fun!" she said giving me a wink.

I nodded my head and smiled, looking forward to moving around.

When Ceneth came in later that night he was quiet. Not saying hello, just placing his coat over the back of a chair, he was still barefoot, but he didn't look like he knew it. He collapsed next to me, his breathing soft. When I glanced over his eyes were closed and he was sleeping. I stifled a laugh, men were amazing.

I slowly picked out things like that his hair was mussed, sticking up in odd directions, my thoughts went automatically to the idea that he had been with Alenya, one that sent an incredibly strong surge of envy thru me. But there was paint on his cheek, a blue smear under his eye and a white one across his nose. I stifled another laugh, the envy leaking out of my system. His hands were paint splotched, so were his forearms and the crisp shirt was ruined from the color.

I wondered what he had been doing exactly. Throwing paint on a canvas? Maybe he was painting that room that I had previously been in? I'd have to ask him at some point.

That was the first night he didn't have nightmares.

The next day Ondine had come in with a smile her hair neatly braided and her dress a modest pink satin. Over her arm was a pale blue dress with a high neckline, up to maybe my collar bones?, and long sleeves. She waited patiently as I refused her help multiple times and got out of bed on shaky legs. She helped me into a shift and stockings, pulling the dress carefully over my head and loosely tying up the back so to give me plenty room to breath. She un-bandaged my throat and when I sat down in front of the mirror I was surprised to see that it looked like nothing had happened to me, except that I was thin, my face looked gaunt too, my eyes decidedly haunted.

I shuddered unconsciously and waited quietly while Ondine pulled my hair back into and intricate bun on top of my head and place a small clip at the base that shown white.

"Do I want to know what stones that is?" I asked her. She smiled and laughed a bit.

"If you must its crystal." I shuddered, not as expensive as diamonds, but still.

She slipped my feet into satin slippers decorated with little pearls and then hooked her arm thru mine, puling me down a hallway and then another until I was dizzy with all the twists ands turns. She opened a door and called out a trilling hello. A woman in a plain brown dress with an apron came over to us a warm smile on her face.

"Ah! Lady Ondine! Princess Tara! A pleasure! A pleasure!" she said with a brilliant smile. I smiled back hesitantly. Around her neck was a measuring tape and on her wrist was a cushion full of needles and pins.

"Come in do come in! we have new beautiful fabrics for the lady to choose from!" she led us to a wall full of cubbies as she walked down it she would stop and pull out reels of fabrics.

"Would you like me to choose?" Ondine whispered. I nodded my head, my thoughts spinning.

In the end Ondine had picked out at least fifteen fabrics consisting of lavender, midnight blue, rose, pink, silver and many, many other patterns and colors. The only color dress she didn't pick was white. They had m stand on a platform and they measured how tall I was, my hips, waist my bust and my arms, after that Ondine dictated the cut and style as well as any extra embellishments. They brought us two glasses of fizzing liquid that made me giddy after a taste and let us sit and talk for a bit.

"So why do I get a new wardrobe?" I asked her. She smiled brilliantly.

"Because you're a princess and people will be looking at you more closely now." I nodded my head absently.

"Anything else we are getting today." She giggled.

"Oh yes! We need a costume, three ball gowns and a-"

"Are the ladies ready?" The woman, her name was Alice, asked us. I nodded my head, and let Ondine lead me back to the wall.

"I'm thinking that ill be the queen of fairies for my costume." She said with a smile. Alice nodded and called over an attendant to help her pick her cut and color.

"And you my lady?" she asked me. I thought carefully for a second.

"I don't know, might you have any suggestions Alice?" I whispered. She smiled widely and nodded.

"An angel perhaps?" I thought about that carefully. It would be a pretty costume. I smiled widely, the dress forming in my head.

"Yes. I like that idea a lot." Alice smiled, pleased with her self.

I looked at the fabrics, finally deciding on a pretty and nice cream colored cotton and sheer gold fabric to lay over it. Unlike most dresses this one wouldn't have a big skirt, it would be simple, no puffs. The gold fabric would drape from one shoulder and attach at the hip, going around the skirt once then stopping. The over all effect of the dress and its add-ons would be elegant and perfect for my rank.

"Next a ball gown for the lady." She said. I smiled and picked out a sumptuous blue and sheer silver. When she pressured me about the design I told her to surprise me, but not to make the dress over the top, an elegant and chic cut would do.

For my second dress I picked out a pale yellow and a pastel green, I told her to make this one a bit fancier, but to surprise me with it as well. And for the final I picked out a scarlet red, black silk and black lace.

"Make this one elegant, with a pretty neckline, I would like it if you could see my collar bones, however, whatever embellishment you think would be nice, I leave the rest to you," she had smiled widely and nodded her head.

"Would you like to wait for Lady Ondine, or continue with your last dress my lady?" she asked me.

"What's the last dress?" I asked her puzzled.

"Your weeding dress lady." She said, looking at me funny.

My heart skipped a beat and my wound burned painfully. My wedding dress. Oh god, I was actually going to do this. I was going to marry him. I sat down abruptly, the wind knocked out of my chest.

"Are you okay?" she asked me alarmed I looked at her smiling a bit.

"Yes, yes. I just…forgot." And I had.

I stood up, trying to look calm and composed. I could do this. All I had to do was marry him and then he'd leave me alone. Of course everyone would expect me to pop out a kid…but still…

I let her pull out yards of white silk and wrap it around my torso, measuring, pinning and cutting, Ondine drifting over with another glass of that bubbly wine in her hand making either appreciative murmurs or tisk-ing and shaking her head no.

"Can we do this later, please?" I asked, my voice cracking. Alice and Ondine looked at me, Ondine with questioning eyes, and Alice with a compassionate expression.

"Just a moment, Lady." Alice said, taking a big pair of shears and gathering fabric around my feet and cutting it. "That's enough for me to start the silhouette of your dress, we are crammed with other orders, so this dress make take a particularly long time, do come back within four days so we may measure the ladies other dresses and this one as well. Princess, if you'd think about what you want your wedding dress to look like that would be a grand help." Alice said with a small curtsy, helping me step out of the pool of silk.

"Yes, but the Princess' dresses will be completed before all others I expect?" Ondine said coolly. Alice nodded her head vigorously, putting the tube of white silk on a mannequin and pinning it to the cloth to help it stay up.

"Thank you for everything Alice, you were quiet a help, I'll see what I can do about the lack of help you get." Ondine said, giving one of the young girls her glass and hooking her arm thru mine and walking out. She stopped walking outside of the door, her brown eyes looking into my face with a pleading expression.

"Don't think me cruel, I was showing you how you must act with those beneath you when the others are around, there aren't many people who are treated as nice as the servants in this castle are." Ondine said with a sad smile I nodded my head.

"Alright, now your walk. You need to walk with your back straight and neck held high, don't look stiff, graceful and elegant." I looked at her puzzled but straightened as much I could, extended my neck and walked as imposingly as possible.

"Perfection!" She said catching up with me and hooking her arm thru mine. "So all we need to do is work on your speech, get you to know people and then…well your cosmetic." I looked at her, stung by the last on the list.

"My face? What's wrong with my face?" I asked her. She smiled kindly.

"I'm being truly honestly with you Tara darling, your eyebrows look like caterpillars your hair is long and just not healthy in places, and your hands are positively revolting. I know this sounds mean," she stepped closer, the ever present scent of lavender enveloping me as she placed her hands on my shoulders, "but you are royalty and everyone will be looking at you, some comparing you to their long dead rulers and other to Lila." I looked at her hard, raising an eyebrow as delicately as I could.

"See that'd be a perfect question face if that eyebrow wasn't so damn bushy!" Ondine said with a laugh. I laughed with her, seeing her point of view and allowing her to take my arm and lead me down the hallway.

"Now we need to pick up two things and talk to Luck about one other." She paused by a nondescript door that had a massive lock on the handle.

Ondine took her fist and beat on the door with such force that I surprised when the wood didn't break under her skin.

"Hold on! Hold on!" a male's voice called from behind the wood. There was the sound of a key in a lock and then a loud click and the door swung open to revel a tall pale boy maybe 20 years of age with black eyes and hair so dark it looked violet. I studied him, shock by his contrast, black and white.

"Luck." Ondine said with a slight incline of her head.

"Ladies." He responded, stepping aside and letting us into a room that was shrouded with so much black that it seemed to suck the light out of the air.

"You know why we are here." Ondine said. I was begging to wonder if we were doing something illegal.

"yes, yes, hold on I'll be back!" He scurried off for a brief second and then returned with four boxes in hand, two of them coated with velvet, two with silk and inlaid with tiny chips of diamond.

"Princess." He said handing them to me, stunned I took the four boxes, not quiet sure what to do with them.

"Alright, and the coronation crown. How about a-" I cut Ondine off, not even aware of were the words were coming from.

"A simple tiara, not yellow gold, white gold. Three arches, emeralds and sapphires, but not the light blue ones, the black ones." I said. Luck nodded hia head and took out a scrap of paper and a pen, writing the design down. Ondine said nothing, watching the interchanged, grading me on how I acted with those under my rank.

"And the casting will be done when?" I asked, not sure how I even knew about this process

"Within two days, if the lady will come back then and tell were she would like the gems mounted."

"Yes, that's perfect, thank you Luck." I said, tucking the boxes under my arms and turning my heel and out the door. Ondine smiled at me and took two boxes as we walked down the corridor.

"I think he is in awe concerning you." She said with a small smile. I smiled back at her.

"That's just okay with me." I said. She laughed and nodded her head, saying no more, but a wicked glint in her eyes suggesting that we may start on my "cosmetic" earlier than I intended.

**XoxOxoX**

"Ondine?" I called from my seat next to the sink where my hands were soaking in warm rose water.

"yes?" she called from my room, I heard the faint shift of objects as she rummaged thru my drawers.

"So, those dresses, who pays for them?" I asked her. She came back in, appraising my hands before putting them back in the water.

"Ceneth of course." She said. I nodded my head, thinking of the four crowns I had been given. Two simple, two not. Two of them circlets, one silver and inlaid with little bits of diamond and bowing foreword a bit at the forehead so it touched the place between my eyebrows, and the other a gold circlet that had diamonds hanging from it around the head and little silver beads in between.

"The crowns?" I asked her. She smiled, running her fingers thru my hair. She was right, it was long and unkempt.

"Ceneth." She said again, dipping her fingers in a bowel full of some odd looking mixture and spreading it across my scalp. Sitting in my cold bathroom in a silken robe that only reached my knees and having myself primped by a woman who was one of the highest in the local court was an odd feeling.

"Don't good things come in threes?" I joked. She smiled brilliantly.

"Yes they do, otherwise we wouldn't be doing this tonight." She said finger combing my hair with the thick white mixture.

I watched her in the mirror for a moment and then appraised the tools she had laid out on a towel next to my arm: a metal file, small metal clippers, a small bottle of white paint, metal tweezers a big pair of shears and a smaller pair and a light weight stone that was riddled with holes.

"Alright, give me your hands." She said, laying my hair against the towel that hung form my shoulders. I pulled a hand out of the sink and gave it to her watching in amazement as she rubbed the stone against my calluses until they were no more and then filed my nail into perfect semi-circles and pushing back the cuticles and clipping them.

"Ondine?" I asked as she started on my left hand, which to my surprise was completely healed.

"Hmm?" she asked, head bent over my hand.

"Is there a big dinner tonight?" I asked her. She looked up briefly and then back down at my ring finger.

"No, well technically, no. It's hard to explain, you'll see when you get there. What's important Tara is to remember to impose your authority; I know how you feel, small and out of place in this world. I felt like that too, you can't let some of these women catch on, they will tear you pieces. Just remember, you are beautiful and you deserve to be here, there is a reason that Ceneth wanted you as his fiancé, alright?"

"Yes." I said, not feeling up to letting her know that she missed the mark completely. She sighed and held up my hands for me to inspect. I rubbed my palms together, remembering my thoughts from moths ago about my bitterness towards the calluses on my hands, now they were soft and elegant, princess hands.

"Lets was that stuff out of your hair." She said leading me to the bathtub and making me bend over and dumping cold water in my hair until the white goo was gone. She sat me in front of the mirror and brushed it thru.

"Is there a certain length you don't want me to go?" she asked me. I said nothing. I was a different person.

"Just don't cut it all off." I said bracing myself she smiled and picked up the big shears and wielding them to my hair I shut my eyes as she snipped away.

"Look." She said holding maybe a foot of my hair in front of my face.

"Where is it hitting?" I asked her.

"Bout the middle of your back." Ondine replied.

"What do you think?" I asked her. She bit her lip and cut a little more off. "I'm going to put layers in." she said. I nodded my head closing my eyes and listening to the steady snick of the succors. There was a knock on the door.

"Right when I finish, hold on!" Ondine said putting the scissors down. I opened my eyes and looked at my reflection touching the hair that was framing my face and hanging to my waist. There were lots of different lengths and it suited me.

"Um… Tara there is a man here to see you. He says he is your cousin?" Ondine said.

I stood up heart pounding and silently moved past her to my bedroom where Torin stood looking unsure of himself his hat in his hands.

"Ondine, let us be." I said, swallowing the swelling fear in my stomach. Torin smiled hesitantly at me and Ondine but as soon as the door shut behind her it became a large and rakish smile.

"How are you angel?" she asked me, dropping the hat on the floor.

"I'm perfectly okay." I said, standing straight, making no move to draw unnecessary attention to myself. He smiled widely again coming closer to me.

"Don't you look pretty in your silk, angel." He whispered.

"What are you calling me that for? You never called me angle." I demanded. He smiled again, trying to disarm me.

"Because you're an angel." He whispered his hands holding my upper arms in a tight and slightly threatening grip.

"Torin." I cautioned.

"But Tara, I miss you honey and you never come to see me, you don't write, we had something angel." He whispered backing me into the counter.

"Yes we _did_. Did, Torin past tense."

"You're not struggling as much as you normally do. I liked it when you struggled, it was actually a challenge, and lately it's been child's play." He whispered.

"Torin." I cautioned again.

"Just remember, he's not the only one with little tricks."

"Let me go." I hissed, trying to free myself from his grip. Something more poisonous and volatile than fear was curling in the pit of my stomach.

"But angel." He cooed, his hand pressing against my hip, his fingers against my groin.

I screamed in anger, wrenching my arm out of his grip and scratching my nails across his cheek leaving three deep and red marks. Ondine was suddenly there, hiding me with her extra height.

"I don't know who the hell you are but I want you out of here now." She hissed, pushing me toward the door of the bathroom. I turned my back to them feeling Torin's eyes bearing into my back with a gaze of hatred.

"Bitch." He whispered. "I'll get you, for real this time, and when I do I'm gonna kill you." He whispered. I turned, spurned by something.

"No. You won't. You come for me and I swear on my own life- I. Will. Kill. You." I hissed. He said nothing, jerking back, eyes wide with surprise.

"Get. Out." Ondine whispered. He stared at me a moment longer and then walked out of the room, door slamming behind him.

"Oh my gods Tara, are you alright?" she asked me turning to face me. I smiled hesitantly at her, the anger in my veins cooling.

"I'm fine." I whispered. "Where were we?" I asked her, walking back into the bathroom. She followed me, saying nothing but picking up the tweezers in her slim fingers. She bit her lip, eyes bright with anger.

"Damn it Tara, if you knew he was going to do that to you then why did you tell me to leave?" She savagely tweezed out the stray hairs.

"I don't know. I'm sick and twisted and I like to hurt myself?" I asked her, she said nothing plucking out another hair and slamming the tweezers down.

"There, done." She said.

"Ondine, calm down." I whispered. She nodded her head and took a breath.

"Never again, Tara, never again." She whispered. I nodded my head, wrapping my arms around her shoulders in a hug.

**XoxOxoX**

The terrace was lit with little jars full of firebugs and candles on the tables. When ever I had dined out here the table I had been sitting at was the only one, but tonight there were tons of two seater tables laid out and lit with candles.

I walked thru the people with as much grace as I could muster, not tripping over my toe and trying not to jerk the silver crown off my forehead. I knew they were whispering about the lack of ring. Ondine had done what she called a French Manicure on my fingernails and it drew attention to the missing ring. I smiled and curtsied slightly as Ceneth stood up; eyebrows raised in surprise and pulled out my chair. I sat down with a smile, thanking him silently as he studied me.

I knew he would Ondine did change my face around a bit, well with the hair and eyebrows it looked like it. The white dress she had put me in covered my stab wound, but had a little key-hole for the express purpose of showing off my cleavage.

"Last time we ate here it didn't go too well did it?" Ceneth said with a small smile. I nodded my head, placing my napkin in my lap and telling myself that I wouldn't tell him about the Torin situation.

"Your hair looks different." He said, reaching his hand out and combing his fingers thru my tresses. "You don't mind?" he said as an after thought I smiled.

"No, not really." I said. He smiled and withdrew his hand I was aware that all of the visiting royal were watching us carefully.

"I like that length on you, and the crown is very nice." He said with a small smile. I smiled back at him.

"Why don't we make tonight fun? Unlike the last time, of course our idea of fun is a bit twisted, isn't?" I asked him with another bright smile. He nodded his head.

"So Ceneth, I have a question for you."

"Go ahead Tara." He replied taking a sip of his wine while a server set a plate of food in front of each of us, taking the covers off with a flourish.

"Don't good things come in threes?" I asked him. He smiled and pulled something out of his pocket; a small box covered in silk and placed it on the table between us.

"I can do this two ways Tara, just give you the box or we can do it traditionally, seeing as I didn't really ask you to marry me in the proper way…" he trailed off and I laughed.

"I think your memory is failing you, you didn't ask, you demanded and then you 'persuaded' me to say yes." I laughed, he grimaced a bit.

"True, I feel incredibly guilty about that, I was a total bore to you." He said.

"You mean asshole?" I asked him. He laughed and nodded his head chewing thoughtfully on a piece of meat.

"Your nightmares stopped." I said, popping a piece of meat I my mouth. He stilled abruptly looking at me carefully.

"Yes, they did." Was all he said I chewed another bite thoughtfully.

"Don't get quiet on me, I'm not asking you what they are about. There are some things that are very trivial that I don't about you and I should." He swallowed,

"Ditto."

"Ditto? Who says ditto?" I laughed he smiled and shrugged.

"So, your favorite color is?" I asked him.

"Silver. Yours?"

"Blue. My favorite flower is a rose, a red one, I don't particularly adore dresses, horses scare me, I don't know a lick about baking and that's all I can think of at the moment."

"Really? Hmm, well. I can play the piano if you must know and I will occasionally paint, I love to ride horses, I can't stand hunting and I dislike this conversation." He said with a laugh.

"For once I agree with you." I said with a smile. His fingers nudged the silken box to ward me.

"Go ahead and put it on, if you don't like it don't be afraid to tell me." He said with a smiled. I opened the box and looked at the delicate ring. It was beautiful a white gold band with small light, light sapphires laid in it, but only three and so small that it couldn't have been very expensive.

"It's beautiful." I said slipping it onto o my left finger, finding that it fit perfectly.

"It's a family heirloom. My great, great, great grandmother or something, very old. The…the last girl didn't appreciate it too much." He whispered.

"If we talk about her are you going to get all sad and withdrawled?" I asked him. He took a shaky breath.

"No. She didn't like how small it was she waned something bigger. She was always like that bigger, more, more of everything. It was…tiring. I loved her, used to think I did. I thought that if I could just…I don't know. I thought if I somehow kept her alive I'd still love her but…I just don't. I never did." He said, looking down at his half eaten food.

Something that felt like a flash of anger rolled thru my stomach. I pushed it away, how would that make me angry. I placed my hand gently on top of his.

"She's in the nightmares, isn't she? Yelling at you about me." I whispered. He looked up, his blue eyes so clear and vulnerable for the first time.

"Sort of." He whispered. I smiled again and leaned foreword, careful not to get the white dress dirtied in the food.

"Sorry." I said kissing him gently on the cheek. I sat back and studied him carefully.

"If I dare so say, I think you are warming up to me!" he said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, in fact I think I might kill myself because I love you so much, that's what we women do when we are in love- we die." I said sarcastically he laughed again, a hearty laugh, something that just…I never thought I'd hear from him… ever. I smiled softly.

"Seriosuly though. I'm sorry, but I don't love you."

"You were saying earlier, a lot earlier. That there is black and white. Dimitri is black you white. I have a question for you Tara. What am I?" his blue eyes were back to their usual secretiveness glinting mischievously.

"I suppose a shade of gray. But there aren't shades of gray." I whispered. He smiled, twining his fingers thru mine.

"Yes, yes there are many, many shades of gray."

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N- so yeah…kind of inconsistent and not as…profound as the last chapter, but it's all good felt like I needed to catch up with everything because let's face it- there are so many loose threads! So obviously I'm setting the scene for something. But what? So as you noticed, the titles, there is one more chapter in this section and then on to the third and final part! So yeah… So let me know what your thoughts are and I'll try to have chapter 15 up soon!**


	15. Shades of Gray

**When the Moon Rises**

_**Chapter Fifteen: Shades of Gray or All Along the Watchtower**_

**-Quick Quote: "****The hours getting late/All along the watchtower/Princes kept the view" Jimi Hendrix, All Along the Watchtower-**

**-Corridors- **

They walked down the hallway, tripping over their feet and laughing quietly, trying not to draw any attention to themselves, if there was any attention to draw, everyone was asleep.

She tripped over the hem of her white dress pitching forward with a small shriek, he caught her arm and pulled her upright were she leaned into his side.

"Thanks," she slurred, her eyes shut.

"Open your eyes, you won't trip again." He said with a laugh. She giggled and opened her eyes, tripping once again over air and falling forward with another shriek. He caught her again and wrapped his arm around her waist with a laugh.

"Why don't you just carry me?" she asked him with a giggle.

"'Cause if I do I'll drop you." He replied. She giggled again, bracing herself on the banister of the stairs.

"Were we goin'?" she asked, stepping up the stairs.

"Dunno. I think we past your room." He laughed a bit, the sound echoing off the walls.

"What's closest?" she asked him stumbling again.

"My room."

She giggled, breaking out of his grip and running up the stairs, falling several times. He laughed and ran after her. She stood outside a door in the hallway her hand behind her, waiting for him.

"This one, right?" she asked. He smiled when he reached her, his arms coming up on either side of her head.

"Good guess." He slurred. She giggled quietly and twisted the handle, stepping aside to let him fall forward. He stumbled and caught himself, leaning against the wall and laughing.

"Excellent balance, your grace." She said, moving past where he stood against the wall the door slamming shut behind her.

She tripped and fell onto the edge of the bed with a laugh and kicked off her shoes. She laid on the bed, looking out the window while he slipped slowly down the wall, the haze of the wine dimming his thoughts, a wide grin stretching his lips as he studied her. She stood up, coming over to where he sat and sitting on his lap, her arms around his neck.

"You got me drunk." She said with a laugh.

He rested his hands on her hips, deciding weather to pull her closer or to push her away. Her brilliant blue eyes looked silver in the wan light of the moon.

"I didn't do it- you did. Portion control, sweetheart." He said. She laughed.

"You got drunk too." She whispered, lowering her head a little bit.

"Then its both our faults." He replied, tapping out a rhythm on her hip with his fingers. She shifted a bit, giggling.

He made a low sound in the back of his throat.

"Don't do that." He whispered. She giggled, her fingers moving up into his hair

"And why not?" He said nothing, his fingers drumming out the rhythm faster. "Stop! That tickles." She whined.

"How many bottles did we even have?" he asked. She grimaced.

"Not that many."

"Well, one at first, then a second one by desert, then a third, and fourth, by the time we were at five everyone else was gone. So six?" he asked, using one of his hands to keep count, the other on her hip.

"Don't matter." She whispered, untangling her fingers from his hair and placing his hand back on her hip.

"Yeah, it kinda does." He whispered, the haze clouding his thoughts. She laughed, leaning in closer, her face pressed against his neck.

"I don't think it does." She whispered, her breath against his neck, her proximity driving him crazy.

"Please don't." he whispered, his grip on her hips tightening, drawing her closer, contradicting what he had said. She giggled quietly.

"Why not, darling? It's not like we'd break a rule or anythin'" she whispered. He knew that he would have agreed at that if she hadn't slurred.

"We're drunk, bad judgment, let's just go to bed." He responded, she frowned at him, but got up walking seductively to the bed, looking at him out of the corner of her eye, her lips turned up in a half smile.

His control shattered he got to his feet and walked to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and puling her against him, lips to her neck.

"We are going to regret this." He whispered in her ear. She shuddered, turning to face him and catching his lips with hers.

"So be it."

**XoxOxoX**

**-Forest Room- **

He laid still barely breathing, not like he needed too much air anyways, and studying her peaceful face. He experienced once again that odd feeling towards her, not indifference like he usually did; no, not that, but something else, something more profound, tender.

He rested his fingers gently to her cheek, surprised when she gave a soft sigh and pressed her cheek closer and to the palm of his hand.

He wanted to tell her his story, everything that he kept hidden from the others, the feelings he had, the horrid memories. He wanted her to know their history, but it wasn't their history.

_No not really our history, but it is hers in a way, she is a part of it, and she needs to know._

His simple and tender thoughts became tumbled, each fighting for attention, confusing him.

_This is why I'm a shade of gray Tara. _He thought to himself.

There was one word he could think of, it stung but it was so true, _Selfish. Selfish because I don't want you to know, I don't want to expose you to that, to give you that burden. I should. You have a right to know._

His eyebrows pulled together and his mouth turned down in a frown. It was hard to imagine a world outside of this, outside of being with her. "The urgent matter". He smiled thinking of that, knowing that she hated it because it took everyone away form her. But did she really need to know? Why was he always like this? Thinking morbid thoughts when he was with her, why couldn't he be happy and carefree? Why couldn't he commit to loving her?

His thoughts abruptly stopped and he struggled to get that last one back, but instead came another one, a memory of a woman's voice, "_You will love no other but me until I die, you have committed to this, promised to it, keep that promise. Should you entertain any thoughts of loving another they shall disappear." _He bit the inside of his cheek, struggling with this and looking at her face.

"If only you would say it back." He whispered, as she moved a bit closer to him, her arm around his waist, head buried in his neck.

_I have to tell her. _He thought, maybe if she knew she would help. Maybe.

And then, his thoughts turned even more morbid, cold and calculating thoughts. He had one month, all he had to do was make sure that Ondine didn't suspect anything. There was a sharp knock on the door, and then another with a frantic yell.

"Hold on! Hold on!" he called, stumbling out of the bed and puling on his pants, walking over to the door and cracking it open.

"What?" He hissed, looking at the captain of his guard, a normally composed and poised man.

"Sorry, highness, but, well, the gate, come please, you must see." He said, instantly he stilled, his mind running over thousands of possibilities.

"Go, tell them I'll be there." He murmured shutting the door and walking quickly to the windows, yanking open the curtains so he would have a little bit of light. He pulled back on his shirt and seared about for his jacket.

"Damn it." he cursed unable to find it.

The last time he had it was…he dropped to his hands and knees looking under the bed and finding his jacket and boots. He grabbed them and rose sitting on the bed and pulling on his shoes with a frustrated tug.

"Ceneth?" her sleepy voice asked.

"Shh, it's nothing, go back to sleep." He whispered. She sat up at that, eyes wide and gripping the bed covers to herself.

"What's going on?" she asked, he shook his head, pulling on the other boot, "if you say it's an "urgent matter" I won't be extremely pleased." She hissed.

He waited for second, pulling on his coat, seeing if the realization of that night had hit her yet, she didn't acknowledge it, just glaring at him. He smiled, buttoning up the coat, looking for that damn crown he hated so much.

"On the dresser." She said.

He smiled and went over, putting it on and finger combing his hair, buttoning the cuffs on his jacket. He turned around to say something but saw her, in her shift, stepping into her white gown and pulling it up on her shoulders.

"Tara, please." He asked her. She said nothing, attempting to do up the back by herself. He sighed and walked over, helping her button up the dress.

"You don't have to." He whispered, not quiet sure what this danger was. She grinned widely, pulling on the delicate silver circlet.

"But I want to." She said. He sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"Fine, I don't know what is going on, if anything happens, I want you back inside with Ondine, got it?" he asked. She nodded her head, clasping her hands behind her back. He sighed.

"One more thing." He said, picking up a navy blue cloak that he had thrown over one of the chairs. He placed it on her shoulders and tied the gold cord, "Do not take this off unless I tell you to." He said.

She nodded her head, walking past him and out the door.

"Lead the way, I'd rather not get lost." She called over her shoulder.

He sighed and shook his head, jogging lightly to catch up with her fast clip.

_Princesses_ he thought.

**XoxOxoX**

**-Watchtower-**

One of the things I had learned in my time here was adapt and don't question. So when Ceneth said there was a problem, I didn't question, it was my place and right to be by his side while he dealt with it. It was common sense.

I was almost happy about this problem, it kept me occupied so that I couldn't think about last night, even though I had a lot of wine and had gotten pretty messed up, everything was crystal clear, but a dull headache pounded against my temples.

Ceneth was walking fast; I had to jog lightly to keep up with him. I caught him looking at me out of the corner of his eye and saw him smile a bit.

"What?" I demanded.

"I'm surprised you can run in those shoes." He said I smiled widely.

"I'm not wearing shoes."

"Naturally, I would have to catch you every other step if you were." He said.

I refused to even dignify the statement with a reply. With a quick abrupt movement he swerved down a hallway that was normally hidden behind a tapestry. We climbed a few flights of stairs and came to a door. He paused and turned to look at me carefully.

"I don't know what to expect, be careful, and watch out for the guard." He said. I nodded my head and smiled.

"I'll be fine, I promise," I told him he smiled softly but didn't say anything, opening the door and stepping out onto the battlements.

What amazed me was the view, you could see over the forest, the clearing where my village was and beyond to the mountains and the second was the stars. They were vast in number, brilliant white, they seemed to drawn me somehow, a beacon towards home. The third thing that hit my senses was the air, it was humid but not like it had been earlier, closer to fall. Then the fourth: the battlements.

It was hectic, men were running everywhere and there was a line of archers at the edge, bows drawn taught, arrows angled downward, that's when I noticed the unnatural red glow from below.

I walked over, leaving Ceneth who was talking to someone who looked to be in charge. I hovered behind the archers, looking down seeing a sprawling camp of an army, men crowded around fires, each little group flying a flag that looked black with a red rose that was wrapped with silver vines for the crest. They weren't even standing up, ignoring the men who had arrows trained on them.

I noticed a black tent farther back, it was large and obviously held someone important. Ceneth came to stand beside me, jaw rigid, eyes disapproving.

"Who are they?" I asked him.

"They are from Pasadillas." He said.

"What are they doing here? And why are we even threatening them? They aren't doing anything." I said. He looked at me, deciding what to say and he sighed.

"They aren't supposed to be here, while we do have a treaty it's very tentative, we don't know what they want."

"Oh. Well… have the guard stand down and then negotiate, but you can't go down there, that's not fair." I said. He looked at me and shrugged.

"Couldn't hurt too much." He said walking away. I didn't say anything.

My thoughts turned towards last night. I stood still with my arms crossed while I went through what I knew by now my routine. I was drunk; I didn't know what I was doing. I was lonely I needed someone. Excuses, I sighed, if I knew my damn routine so well why did I go thru it?

The simple fact was that I slept with him, I was well aware of what I was doing and I was the one who was trying to get him to cave, loose his self control, and I got what I wanted. I thought this over.

Two months ago I would've cried, thrown a tantrum, blamed it on him, but now…it was my fault that was the simple fact. And if I didn't get pregnant then we'd have to do it again.

The air whooshed out of my lungs and I placed a hand again the stone railing, trying to steady myself.

Pregnancy. Gods Damn it! I had forgotten that simple little fact. What was I supposed to do? My blood was cold and my vision swimming, my heart pounded in my chest. There was a chance that I wasn't pregnant. I tried to count in my head they days sense my cycle, but I was so cold with fear that I couldn't do it.

"My lady?" Someone asked me. I turned to the guard and smiled weakly.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I said, waving him away. Why do we feel the need to repeat things twice when we are the opposite of it?

"Tara?" Ceneth asked, taking my arm and making me walk with him. "Are you alright? You look pale…" his mouth turned down with concern.

"Um. Yeah. I'm fine," I took a deep breath composing myself. I was a woman now, not that girl in this village, "listen, we have to talk about something when we get a moment alone." I said his eyes flashed and he looked a bit nervous.

"Uh, okay. Let's get thru this ordeal first." He said. I nodded my head and we stopped right above the gates.

"We going down?" I asked him. He nodded his head and opened a door set into the wall. I looked down the dark staircase, skeptical.

"Do we get a light?" I asked. He laughed once, a sharp laugh that grated against my raw nerves.

"Fine." He said. I looked at him with one eyebrow raised. He said nothing lighting the torch and going down the stairs.

"What the hell is your problem?" I asked him when we reached the bottom he looked back at me, where I stood above him.

"You'll see." Was all he said with a small rueful smile. I gritted my teeth but said nothing schooling my expression into one of superior indifference, seeing Ceneth do the same.

"Well, your highness, shall we go?" I asked. He smiled once.

"You learn quick." Was all he said opening the door.

We stepped out in front of the gate and on the draw bridge, I instantly felt inadequate standing in front of the large gate and army in front of me. A man stepped forward, his armor black, a roll of parchment between his hands. He was pale, all of him, his eyes a pale green, his skin white, his hair a pale brown, he reminded me of Alenya.

"To his and her highness of Fief. The country of Pasadillas was informed by one of your court from within our realm that there was to be a celebration."

I tried to keep my face straight. They were here with an army because they weren't invited to a party?

"Alenya." Ceneth whispered, his expression darkening momentarily.

"The King of Pasadillas, feels that this negligence towards his country is within violation of a certain treaty in which the alliance was agreed that-"

"Excuse me, sir," I interrupted, Ceneth and the messenger turned to me wearing identical expressions of shock, well I started, might as well finish.

"Let me save you the trouble of reading that whole scroll. We did not know that his highness did not receive his invitation. I had sent specific orders for the invitation to Pasadillas to be sent by a messenger, one of the best. We never heard back from him, but we assumed that he was resting somewhere, it is a long journey, and did not have the means to communicate. Forgive me for my folly, for my assumption that it was done. We have been expecting you for quiet a while, tell you King that quarters are ready for him and his wife if they so wish to come now."

I took a breath and smiled pleasantly at the messenger he was looking at me with an awestruck expression, but he obviously believed my story.

"Indeed, we are truly sorry that the invitation was not received by your king, and as my fiancé said, we have quarters ready for him and his wife." Ceneth said, backing me up, but his eyes showed a glimmer of respect.

"We thank your highnesses, however the king and queen sadly could not make it, they sent their son and his betrothed in their place. I shall tell them of the misunderstanding and I'm sure they will come meet your highnesses and give their apology."

We both smiled as the messenger ran off to the big tent in the back.

"So you're telling me that Alenya was making fun of me for being foreign when she was from the enemy country?"

"Don't tell me you thought I kept her close because I like her? I had to make sure no one killed her she was part of the treaty, quite upset about it too, hated her country for a while, guess she went crawling back when I dismissed her. It only makes sense that she would try to start a war." He said. I nodded my head, biting my lip.

"The Ocean room is still ready right?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"No, everything was sold."

"What room is ready then?" I asked him.

"Well, the rose room, but we'd have to move you again. I know its pink but it will have to do, we can tell them we will replace the linens." I nodded my head, scanning the fires looking for their royalty.

"Who is their prince?" I asked him.

"I only dealt with the King." He said, jaw his expression becoming dark.

"Ceneth, do they all look like that? Pale and washed out?" he nodded his head, eyes scanning the army too.

"They weren't expecting you apology. They know we didn't send anything to them."

"We? You didn't I never had a say in this."

"Neither did I. We, as in the council." He said with a laugh.

"Oh." I said noticing three figures walking toward us. "It's weird; I forgot there was a world outside of the castle." I whispered. Ceneth smiled and nodded his head, but the smiled stayed fixed and became decidedly fake. "What the hell was you problem on the stairs?" I whispered.

"Just… be careful, actually take one step closer to me, I know you don't want to now but in a second you might want to." He said relaxing his jaw. I said nothing, doing as he said getting a bad feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

"Their highnesses of Pasadillas." The messenger said, stepping aside to reveal a man and a woman.

I was in shock first, the pleasant smile plastered to my face not slipping but my thoughts numbing. Ceneth's arm around my waist and my unconscious movement to place my head against his shoulder brought me out of it.

Before us Torin and Raelin stood, both dressed in finery, both with crowns. Raelin smiled brightly and curtsied, her brown curls bobbing her greenish-blue eyes flashing. Torin bowed stiffly, his silver eyes tight and his mouth stretched in a cruel smile. I remembered my promise form the other night, just as he did.

"Hello, and welcome to my home, I trust that your journey here was not too long?" Ceneth inquired politely. That's why he was in a foul mood, he knew. But how? This didn't make any sense.

"No, not too long." Torin returned with a polite smile, his eyes on me, Ceneth's arm was protective though, a threat in a way.

"Glad to hear it! Well, if you'd like we can show you to your room tonight or we can wait until morning."

"Now would be fine, the tent isn't comfortable for all its space." Torin said with a laugh. Ceneth smiled understandably.

Raelin walked forward, hooking her arm thru mine and pulling me with her, away from Ceneth. His arm slipped from my waist and I felt what little protection I had vanish. I grabbed his hand and laced my fingers thru with his, keeping him with me. Torin walked along side Ceneth, both amiable.

It wasn't Ceneth I was worried about. It was Torin.

"Oh Tara! There is so much to tell you!" Raelin said with a smile. I looked at her, we were the same height.

"Oh? Tell me now, please. Anything you can say to me I imagine our fiancés can hear." I prompted. She smiled and her tone became confiding.

"There is so much! So much you don't know! I know now! I understand it!" she said with a smile. I nodded my head listening hard to what Ceneth was saying as we all walked across the great hallway. Something about the style the castle was designed in.

"You and I can be great together Tara." Raelin was saying I looked at her, catching that darkness leaking out of her pores again. "Powerful, amazing, unstoppable, we wouldn't need men, just us." She whispered, her hand brushing mine.

"Yes, yes, I suppose." I said turning down the hallway that led to the rose room door. I stopped outside of the door, opening it after untangling my arm from Raelin's, but refusing to let go of Ceneth's hand. Raelin flounced thru.

"Could you have a servant bring in our luggage? I don't quite know when they are bringing it to the gates and it would be a let down to have to wear this tomorrow." Raelin said.

I smiled and nodded my head. Torin and Ceneth wrapped up their conversation. Torin paused in front of me and bowed.

"Thank you for your hospitality, highness." He said.

"I'm very sorry about the loss of your invitation." I said in return, begging him to just go thru the damn door.

"Good to see you again, angel."

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N~ True, I could've made this longer, but I didn't! now we are moving to part three and here's a question- how's ****THAT**** for a twist? ;) Okay, same old same old, lemme know what cha thought! Oh and one day later I should get a cookie for that ;) haha, I'll see if I can update before September, but I dunno! Lemme know what you thought!**


	16. Who I am Hates Who I've Been

_Part III_

"_The person who you were has died"- Wonderful, Gary Go_

**When the Moon Rises**

**Chapter 16: Who I am Hates who I've Been**

We both stood in the hallway- me still clutching to his fingers, the one thing that kept me chained to reality, and he standing a bit behind me, watching me carefully, assessing my reaction. I turned on my heel, jerking my fingers out of his grip, out of reality's grip and bolted down the hallway, not seeing just taking rights and lefts at will. I stopped at the end of a hallway, leaning my head against the glass pane of the window, and stared in to the dark chasm that the castle was perched on the edge of. I couldn't do this. I couldn't stand it anymore. I shut my eyes feeling the tears brimming up.

"I can not do this." I whispered. I sank to my knees, unable to hold myself up anymore. I wrapped my arms around my middle trying to keep it in, trying not to break down, trying not to be weak. I looked up at the stars, vainly searching out the Gods, my protectors.

"Why?" I whispered, "Why me? Don't you get it? I can not do this! I can't handle it!" I shouted, hoping that for once, just once, they'd hear me.

They were supposed to help me, not unload all of the world's sorrows on my shoulders.

Someone's gentle hands on my shoulders pulled me back against their chest, their long fingers wrapped around my wrists, holding them encase I became hysterical. The comforting gesture sent me into another round of sobs, which sounded more like hiccups because I was breathing so fast. I turned my face, pressing it to their neck, looking for comfort, for some shred of warmth or affection that showed I wasn't a worthless vassal, I wasn't Pandora's Box.

"Tara, please." He whispered, his cheek resting against the top of my head. He let go of my wrists and wrapped an arm around me, his other hand running thru my tangled hair. "Talk to me."

I laced my fingers together and shook my head no, but I wanted his grip on me to tighten, I wanted him to show me that he would hold me here, keep me on earth. He sighed, saying nothing, as my pathetic sobbing started again.

I couldn't possibly be Tara. She was weak; she would be so involved with her crying, with her self-pity that she wouldn't have even noticed Ceneth. I couldn't possibly be this weak girl that cried on shoulders of men, that wallowed in self pity. The mere thought that I was this girl _disgusted_ me, made my blood curdle. I wasn't Tara, but I was… And who I am hated who I'd been. It didn't make sense to me, it couldn't possibly make sense, but it did. Tara, little, simple, village girl Tara, couldn't have possibly handled the emotions that coursed thru my body now, emotions so strong that they would have broken her, left her lying on the ground with a shattered spirit.

It dawned on me then that I hadn't always been this girl. I had been pretending, I wasn't what Torin wanted me to be, I wasn't what Dimitri had wanted me to be, I wasn't what Ceneth wanted me to be, I was my own. I took a deep breath, wincing as my heart hardened just a bit more. I pulled away from him and met his concerned gaze.

"I need you to teach me something." I whispered, whipping my eyes and sniffing a bit.

"Depends." He said his gaze wary. Could he tell that I had a revelation? That it changed me a little? I smiled widely, trying to disarm him, his guard expression hurt me.

"Sword play."

**XoxOxoX**

"Unf!" I huffed, falling once again on my ass after tripping over the hem of my dress. "Damn it!" I cursed. Ceneth laughed, leaning on the pommel of his sword, the rising sun playing thru his dark hair turning it red at the ends.

"Again?" he asked me. I stood up, bringing the sword with me and took stance, feet spread apart. My legs were incredibly unstable; we had been at it for the last hour. I had been losing consistently, falling on my ass, but at least I could attribute it to the dark, now not so much. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a servant place a wicker basket on the cloak I had carelessly tossed to the ground. I focused back on Ceneth who was eyeing me, looking for a week point. It wouldn't be much long until we got an audience. I took a step forward and he responded immediately, twisting left and stabbing at my exposed side. I manage to parry the blow with a second to spare, but he cut upward, toward my throat. I ducked and spun away kicking out my foot…which got caught in my dress and pitched me sideways. I opened my eyes, Ceneth's sword placed at my throat large smile stretching his lips.

"AHH!" I shouted exasperated.

"Want to take a break?" he asked me. I bit my lip and shook my head no getting to my feet. Stupid dress. I stopped brushing the grass off the white and look at the hilt of my sword where a little dagger rested. I pulled that out and gathered the white fabric cutting it until it reached my knees. I slit it up the sides of my thighs as well, giving me more room. I cut off the sleeves and cut downward toward my breasts giving me more berthing room. I secured the dagger and stuck the sword in the ground, stretching up onto my tips toes, and face toward the sun, hoping what I had in mind would work.

"You're going to cause one hell of a scandal." Ceneth laughed. I smiled, feeling the sun warming my face and the grass between my toes. I slid my foot sideways taking up stance and rip my sword out of the ground lunging toward him, but cutting right and upward. He managed to parry that blow but had left his left side exposed. I twirled toward him, bracing the sword and bringing it to his left. His arm caught my waist and he spun me the other way with a laugh, throwing me off balance. I fell into a squat desperate to win just once.

"Better" he commented, spinning the sword around in his hand, carelessly standing there. I stood up slowly and slipped the dagger out of its place. I lunged forward again, trying to catch him off guard his sword clashed with mine and there horrid screeching of metal filled the air. He spun his sword and easily flicked mine away, steeping closer and leveling the broadside of the blade to my throat.

"Dead." He whispered. I laughed.

"You too." I glanced down to see were my fist was wrapped around the daggers hilt, arm taught and the blade poised under his ribs, a direct course to the heart.

"Oh, touché." He said, stepping back. I smiled a bit.

"I win?" I asked him, trying not to give away how much I was sore, from my head to my toes.

"Yes, you won." I smiled and dropped the dagger.

"Thank gods." He laughed and wandered over to the basket. A young boy out of nowhere ran buy and picked up the blades and left after a considerable amount of ogling at my exposed legs. I wandered over too, in the mood for a snack. Ceneth was digging thru the basket pulling out breads, fruits, cheeses, and meats. I picked up and apple and studied it looking for a bruise. I scratched a little bit of the skin off and looked at the meat. There was a rose with a dagger thru it stamped on it, the international symbol for poison. I stuffed the apple back in to the basket, feeling cold.

"Don't." I whispered pushing Ceneth's hand, which had been on its way to his mouth with a piece of fruit, down. He gave me a questioning look.

"Poison." I whispered. He paled as well, putting all of the food into the basket. "The conspiracy, it's not dead yet." I whispered.

He nodded his head, coloring returning to his face.

"Let's go back in before someone finds us." He said, picking up the basket and standing up. I stood up too and looked down at my barefooted and halfway naked stated. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Ceneth looking too. His cheeks colored and he looked away, rubbing his neck uncomfortably. I quietly giggled and picked up the cloak, flouncing off in front of him.

**XoxOxoX**

After I had come to the realization hat I didn't have a single article of clothing to my name I found my way to Alice's shop and got bombarded with try ons, majority of my day cloths were ready, but she was curious about my three dresses for the ball.

"Alice?" I asked her as she and three other girls flitted about me, putting last minute touches on my angel costume.

"Yes dearie?" she replied around the pens n her mouth.

"When are the balls?" she smiled a bit and gave a tug at a loose fold of fabric and penned it to my hip.

"Next week, dear, the costume ball is Tuesday, the next one Thursday and the final one Saturday. Oh, we have one other dress for you- for the dinner on Monday night. Oh my! We have two other dresses to get done. Now I think a bright sapphire blue would look ravishing on you…" After four hours of being poked and prodded, at one point they let me take a break giving me sparkling wine and washing and rubbing my feet, I stepped out in to the hallway with my hair in a nice and loose up-do and my body in a pale yellow dress that cinched at the waist and had black lace detailing and small black leather shoes. And of course- my silver circlet. I was meandering down a plush hallway toward the great room when a page ran by and bowed.

"Highness." He murmured handing me three pieces of paper. I said nothing looking at them puzzled. I opened the first one reading the neatly printed words:

_Her Highness Raelin of Pasadillas requests tea with Her Highness Tara of Fief at the hour of one. _

I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall and started to walk to the parlor that was used for such things. The second one was from Ceneth a hastily written note that had an ink stain on it.

_Tara, we need to discuss some issues, I'm sorry "urgent matter" business again. I'll meet you in the library at four then? Don't come if you don't want to- I won't be offended in the least. _

_Ceneth_

No love, no fondly, no x's and o's. He didn't want to make me uncomfortable. The third note was printed neater than Ceneth's but it was still a hasty one.

_Tara, meet me in the maze at six or so? We really need to talk. –Ondine. _

It was surprisingly cold, not like Ondine in the least, my insides were crawling. I walked into the parlor and encountered Raelin sitting on a settee and delicately sipping tea form a porcelain cup.

"Tara! Please do close the door!" she cooed, motioning at a chair next to her as well and pouring me a cup of tea. I did as she asked and moved to sit down.

"Can you imagine? We are ladies! Not just ladies but Princesses!" she smiled brightly. I nodded my head and sipped the tea she had offered to me.

"So, tell me, what is your costume for the ball?" I said nothing in response, raising an eyebrow.

"That's not what you wanted to talk about Raelin." I told her in response. The smile slipped from her face and her eyes bore into mine. I took the silent moment to catalogue how she had changed since the last time I had seen her. Her hair was longer, but more well-kempt, there was of course her crown, she was a little taller, paler, but she had filled out too, become more of a woman.

"You're right Tara. What do you want to know? I'm sure you have questions."

"How? How could you stay with him, hasn't he tried to hurt you yet? Raelin, don't tell me you love him." I didn't want to ask that, so why did it come out of my mouth?

"I love him Tara, and he loves me. No, he hasn't hurt me," her lips curled into a vivacious smile, "he wouldn't dare try too. Why, are you jealous?"

"No. Not at all." I whispered.

"What about you, Tara? What about you and your prince? What's going on there?" she demanded, leaning forward, her eyes oddly dark and eager. I hesitated a bit.

"It's complicated…" I said.

"Oh? Tell me." She commanded. The darkness of her eyes scared me; I didn't know what to do.

"That's it, our relationship is complicated it would be too hard to explain, I can't even fully understand it." I allowed. She smiled widely, viciously.

"So…have you two…?" she raised an eyebrow. I stared at her in shock.

"What? No! We haven't! How can you think that?!" I lied. She smiled, looking relive. She leaned back into her chair daintily taking a sip of her tea but her eyes remained focused on me.

"So, how is your room? Do you find it pleasing?" I asked her with a forced smile that hurt my jaw. She smiled back.

"Yes, its very beautiful and has a magnificent view of the palace gardens. You know Tara; you really should assert yourself into the inner workings of the palace. For instance I noticed that the maze looked very unkempt and so did the garden out by the stable."

"Oh, really? I'll make sure the grounds keeper know to do that then." I replied smiling and sipping tea. An awkward moment passed as I waited for her to strike up conversation again. Her cold eyes studied me and then she got up and took my hand, pulling me up with her.

"How is your wound?" She asked me, her cold fingers holding mine. Something sparked and flew up my arm, stinging me. I gently work my fingers away form hers but she caught my sleeve.

"Please, do sit down next to me." She said with a brilliant smile. I nodded and sat next to her on the settee.

"Raelin, what did you want to see me for?" I prodded as she adjusted her skirts. She looked up sharply a frown on her face.

"Cant I see my sister?" she asked me sharply. I smiled gently, trying to placate her.

"Yes, but Raelin, you were saying something last night, what was it?" I placed my hand on her shoulder.

"Tara, you must believe me, we need to… we need to…" she broke off looking at me in utter confusion her eyes bewildered and wide.

"Raelin. We need to what?" I asked her. I look at me, not understanding what I said. Where her fingers brushed mine they were like ice. "Raelin?" I asked her alarmed. Her eyes focused on me and she smiled slowly.

"Us. Tara, I need you. We can rule to world if we work together, we would be unstoppable." Her tone was slow and persuading, "we wouldn't need anybody, we would be powerful, we would be immortal." I stared at her, watching as her eyes turned dark and menacing, but I felt something snap inside of me, something that wanted out, something that desperately wanted to believe her. I stood up, shaking with fear of whatever was inside of my head.

"Raelin, I have to go, it was good to see you and I'll see you soon I'm sure." I turned on my heel to leave.

"You'll come back Tara, you'll agree. She wont let you say no." I glanced over my shoulder at here seeing a haunted young girl who was taking on too much. I shook my head and left her with her ramblings.

**XoxOxoX**

None of the ladies of the court were around to talk to or to play crochet with, they had all gone into the city to pamper themselves for a couple of days. With a heavy heart I sent word to the ground keeper to started working on the maze and the gardens toward the stable. After that I wandered aimlessly, desperately seeking something to do.

As a clock somewhere in the castle struck four I remembered Ceneth's request and I made my way to the library, or what I guessed to be seeing as the hallway leading to it was full of different models of the globe and large maps hung on the wall along with several wooden carvings of owls. As I stared at the whirl of colors and the flickering light of the candle danced across the wall, a roaring headache started.

When I opened the door the smell of old book, must and paper assaulted my sense and made the headache I had pound harder. The light went from light to dim, lighted by the flickering fire because the drapes were closed. It struck me again just how fast fall had come.

"Oh Tara." I heard someone say. I glanced to the chair in front of the fireplace, seeing Ceneth stand up. He walked over to me and gently took my arm, leading me to the other chair in front of the fire.

"You don't look good." He said softly with a small smile. I sat down and looked at him in bewilderment. He handed me a porcelain cup full of tea and I gratefully held it between my palms.

"I don't feel too good," I finally managed to whisper.

He smiled softly at me again, nodding his head slightly and returning his attention back to the letters that he had in his hand. I pulled my feet up under me and started at the fire, wincing with each throb of pain from my head. I took a sip of the tea, feeling it sooth my throat. I picked uncomfortably at the lace on my dress, glancing up at the ceiling and at the intricate painting of all the constellations.

When I glanced back over at him to ask who had done the painting I noticed that his eyes were dancing with unshed tears.

"Ceneth?" I whispered. He glanced at me, blinking away the excess water and smiling sadly.

"Yes?" I rested my fingers gently on his arm.

"Everything okay?" He looked at me, eyes wavering, mouth in a tight line. He wordless handed over the letter, looking at the fire. I smoothed the faded and yellowed paper out on my lap.

_My Dearest,_

I glanced up at him; did he want me to read this? He wasn't looking at me, too involved with his thoughts, his long fingers over his lips and the other hand in a tight fist. I looked back down at the letter, reading it.

_It has been too long! Don't fret about me, I'm fine, He hasn't been hurting me too much lately. But when you come up in conversation, no matter who says it, he gets mad. Please do come and visit me soon! I miss you, my love. _

It continued, highlighting her day, what she was doing, the latest gossip and then the writer broke down, speaking about some horrible things that dame me close my eyes and composed my self before I could read it again.

_Oh. The things I must do to keep him off of me. Ceneth, its awful. I need you badly. I miss you so, so much! Come and see me darling, see me soon!_

_I love you with all of my hear_

_Lila. _

For some reason unbridled anger flew through me, drowning out the roaring in my ears with a different kind of cacophony. I stood up, waling to the fire and threw the letter in watching it burn with a grim satisfaction. The edges curled and turned black and the ink ran and slowly the letter was no more. I turned around, the reality of the letter and what I had just done hitting me.

Ceneth was standing in front of me, his lips in a tight line. I glared back at him defiantly, feeling the heat of the fire on my dress. His hands grabbed me by my upper arms.

"Why did you do that?" he whispered, his voice hard, his eyes tight with barely controlled fury. I tried to jerk out of his grip, I couldn't get free and his finger tightened.

"Ow. Ceneth, you're hurting me." I tried to say as calmly as possible. He smiled a bit, a very unpleasant smile.

"oh I'm sorry, really, I am." He murmured in a disgustingly pleasant way that made me think the exact opposite.

He pulled me hard against his chest, his eyes staring down into my own, bright with anger. He smiled slightly and then shoved me into the wall next to the fireplace. Not too hard, but hard enough to make me catch my breath.

"Better?" he asked, that sick smile on his face..

"Why are _you_ upset? It was a letter! Oh by the way: _who the hell are you fucking_? Other than me? Really? Did you want me to know or are you just that stupid?" I shouted.

His glared made my heart jump and my blood run cold with fear. _GET AWAY! _My thoughts screeched, but I'd had experience with this, don't let them smell your fear.

"I _loved_ her, that was the last letter I had from her and you burned it! Why would you do that? _Are you that jealous_?" he was almost shouting, not quite there, but almost. I returned his glare with a frigid one of my own.

"What would I be _jealous_?" I sneered. "I mean you did force me to marry you, and there's the little thing were my other fiancé, who is a bastard that _beat _me and _raped_ me, is here, not lurking in the shadows but _here_." I stopped briefly for a gasp feeling a sob in my throat. "Oh yes don't forget my favorite little fact- _there is a very good chance I'm pregnant!!_" his expression didn't changed, but his grip was tighter.

"You don't understand. You don't have a clue about anything."

"Then tell me Ceneth. We've been over this before. Why don't you tell me what the hell is going on?! And why you're at it- explain to me why you used to call me by _her name_? Lila. I thought it was a joke, guess I was wrong." I could feel that nasty smile that twisted my features.

He didn't respond, all I could see was his blue eyes. His beautiful blue eyes and I felt myself getting lost in them, becoming detached. A soft blanket of darkness circled around my thoughts. _Rest, let me take _over it seemed to whisper. There was a dull pulse of panic. This wasn't right, what was going on?

"You better be grateful, you little bitch." He hissed.

I snapped back to attention, he had never called me something so disrespectful and the insult made my blood boil and the soft darkness screech almost and slink away. I jerk my knee up aiming to hurt him. He shoved me against the wall again. Hard.

"Don't." he whispered.

"Why then Ceneth? Why should I be grateful bitch?" I hissed.

"I took you away from that life, that life of nothing but lying to your parents, desperate for money. Oh, don't look so surprised, I have my spies. One of them told me an interesting story about a young peasant girl who was dressing up as a man to work in the fields. Interesting don't you think?" I said nothing glaring at him the hot anger and cold fear and panic working through my veins making me dizzy making my head pound.

"You should be grateful because I didn't let you die that night you hurt yourself." I felt my eyes go wide with surprise. Him? He was the one that had found me? "The night out were trying to run away, to flee the country. I brought you back and I made sure you got well, that you healed, that you would still have use of your wrist. I've saved your life more than once, and how do you repay me? By _going behind my back_, by _lying_ to me and-" He cut himself off.

"And what? What Ceneth? Please do tell because you're ranting about saving the poor little village girl always _fascinates _me!" I spat.

His expression was blank, but it slowly evolved turning into something like wonder, and than straight to guilt. He released me looking down at his hands with disgust, his lips curled back. He turned on his heel and moved back to his chair, dropping his head in his hands his shoulders shaking.

I stood there watching him for a moment, utterly bewildered at this turn of events. The door of the library creaked open and Philippe walked through, stopping abruptly when he saw me.

"Tara?" his eye flicked to Ceneth, sitting in the chair looking lost. "What's going on?" he asked.

I looked at him for a long moment. I could tell him. I could tell him exactly what would have happened and he might have taken me away, let me find someone else… The idea was very tempting. Before I could think about it farther I opened my mouth and began to speak,

"Nothing Pip. I wandered in here and found Ceneth." I lowered my voice a little bit, "he's a little bit upset, he was reading over some old letters from his parents."

He looked at me for a long moment, his hazel eye searching my face intently. Finally he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Alright. Do you two need a moment?" I nodded my head and watched as he turned around and meandered back through the doors.

I turned around to face Ceneth and found him staring at me with an odd expression.

"Why didn't you tell him what I did to you?" I noticed that he had his fingers laced together tightly, as if he were afraid they would something to hurt me. "You don't owe me any favors." He whispered.

"You're right, I don't," I said sharply turning and walking out as the clock started to chime six.

I kept walking down the hallway and through the grand entrance and down the stairs. I moved swiftly to the stables barely taking notice of the maze beyond. I couldn't handle whatever Ondine needed right now.

I walked into the stable and grabbed reins and opened one of the stalls coaxing the stallion out with an apple. I put the reins around his head and climbed up on a barrel so I could mount him.

A young man walked into the stables looking at me eyes wide.

"Lady, he's not broken in and even if he was he doesn't have a saddle." He said a little tinge of panic in his voice. I smiled.

"Really?"

"Yes, highness." Did everyone know who I was these days?

"Excellent." Was all I said in response, swinging up on to the stallions back and digging my heels into his flanks.

His eyes rolled and he rose up on his hind legs, coming down hard and bolting out of the stables at a break neck pace. I gripped the reins tightly pulling them hard right, the horses head and body turning with me.

We launched in to the woods and I sank lower on to his back, trying to ignore the slaps of leaves and twigs. I pulled back sharply on the reins, getting him to slow to a walk. He was breathing heavily and his ears twitching. I patted his neck.

"Good boy. You are too broken in." I patted his neck again.

The horse's ears flattened against his head and stopped walking prancing nervously in place. I went still and cold, not liking how the horse was nervous all of a sudden.

"Angel." I heard a male voice say all of a sudden.

I turned looking for the source, a small scream tearing itself from my throat as I saw who it was. Torin was leaning against the trunk of an old tree, hand behind his head, eyes closed and dressed in blood red fabric.

I dug my heels into the horse's flanks, and he took off again, faster than before weaving a reckless path thru the forest. The sun was setting and the woods were becoming darker, it was colder too, I could see my breath, white puffs in the air. I yanked on the reins again pulling the stallion to a stop.

Something caught the strap that was connected to the bit in the stallion's mouth when I looked to see what it was, I saw a man in blood red. How the hell had he moved that fast?

"Angel, please, we need to talk."

"Let go." I whispered, voice hoarse with fear.

"No. We need to have a little talk."

He kept his hand firmly on the resin but moved his other hand to grab my ankle with a sharp yank I toppled to the ground off the horse. He turned and slapped the horse's flank and he took off wildly, eyes rolling, chest heaving. I tried to suck in a deep breath but it stung. For some reason the worst part about all of this was that I might be hurt…again. Torin leaned down next to me.

"Second time we've seen each other and I'm not dead." He whispered. I tried to sit up but his hand on my chest pushed me down.

"Now lets see this little cut that Raelin was telling me about." His fingers roughly moved aside the fabric of my dress; I tried to move away from him, kicking my feet wildly. His fingers stopped pulling at the fabric. And he looked at me, his eyes hard.

"Now Tara, don't make me restrain you." He said as if I were his petulant child that wanted a sweet. I tried to jerk away form him while he wasn't digging his fingers through the fabric of my dress. He sighed and pulled a length of rope from the ground, tying my feet and then my arms to my side.

"Let me go!" I shouted.

"Shh, I just want to make sure my angel is alright." He ripped the fabric of my dress, exposing first my shoulder then my collar bone and then the top of my breast where the cut was now a harsh red line with a little bit of scab on it. He shook his head sighing.

"How he could have missed your heart I don't know."

"What are you talking about?" I hissed. His hand smoothed the hair off my forehead.

"Nothing honey." He whispered. He sighed again, "This is going to be so much more painful than I wanted it to be."

I shivered his patronizing tone cutting into my skin with the cold. I felt tears leaking out of my eyes why couldn't I be strong enough to just suck it up and pretend like everything was okay? Then I probably wouldn't have left the castle. He pulled out a small knife and put the rope between my lips like a bit.

"Shush, this wont hurt…too much." He dropped the tip of the knife the point against my skin giving me goose bumps and making my spin tingle.

When he dragged it across my cut I didn't make a noise, instead the familiar feeling of dropping off somewhere, that was not parallel to this time or this place, enveloped me.

Whatever he was doing I was gone and untouchable.

**XoxOxoX**

_She was standing in front of an ornate mirror. The frame was golden and extravagant, almost drawing away fro the looker's reflection. _

_She studied her reflection not seeing anything different, not remembering what she was looking for. Her reflection stared back at her, coping her movement, but her reflection was changing. _

_She stood looking at it silently watching as the eyes color went to bluish- purple, the hair to blonde. The girl in the mirror waved at her a smile twisting her lips. She stepped back surprised but walking into someone. _

_She turned around, her eyes meeting a brilliant blue pair shadowed by black hair. He smiled, his hands gently grabbing her shoulders steadying her. _

_She turned around looking over her shoulder. The girl in the mirror looked like she was screaming, her hands clenching. She tired to launch her self through the glass. She stepped back, closer into the circle of his arms, something warm coursing through her. She turned all the way around ignoring the woman in the mirror._

"_Are you alright?" he asked her. She smiled a bit opening her mouth to response and trying to force the words out of her throat, but nothing came. She looked over her shoulder at the mirror. _

"_I'm the one who speak. Not you. I say what comes out of your mouth you use my voice." She said, still trying to push through the glass._

"_Tara?" he asked her. She looked back at him. "Why won't you speak?" he asked her. She gestured to her throat, tapping her fingers to it and shrugging. He smiled softly._

"_Oh. You lost your voice. It's okay. It will come back." _

_She grimaced looking back over her shoulder, seeing he girl pushing against the glass more frantically. _

"_Tara. I have something I need to tell you." He whispered, arms around her waist, his fingers twined together. He took a deep breath "Tara I-"_

"_NO!" the girl behind the glass screamed, breaking through and surging forward. _

"_I won't have it!"  
_**XoxOxoX**

It felt like I surged back into my body, the force of it almost breaking my spine. It was cold, my fingers were curled at my sides and the rope cut into my arms through my dress. There was a light sheen of sweat on my forehead, I could feel it cooling. There was something thick and warm dripping down my throat I opened my eyes as the wave of pain hit me. I blinked back tears and found Torin with my eyes.

He was looking at me carefully, judging me almost. From his pocket he pulled out a little glass vial full of black smoke that somehow looked like liquid. He hesitated and the released the rope from my mouth. I turned over and spat. When I turned back to find him with my eyes he was looking at me but not with the malicious intent of before. He looked lost, cold frightened.

"Tara?" he asked me taking in the state of my person, arms bound, feet tied.

"What?" I snarled, furious that I was once again being abused, once again weak, once again helpless.

"I…I don't un-understand." He stuttered. I looked at him with wild fury.

"You pulled me off my horse and _tied me up!_ Just so you could reopen my wound!" I shouted. He flinched back, looking at me bewildered. He suddenly started to shake his head savagely.

"No, no, no. That wasn't me!" he was still shaking his head. "I didn't do it."

"Yes, you did. Why are you even doing this? Just kill me and let me be!" I pleaded, realizing that my wish to suddenly die wasn't a very good thing.

"No, Tara, you don't understand. _I _didn't do it. He did."

"He?" I asked him. why was I always being told I didn't know what was happening? Why did I always take the bait and talk to them?

"Yes. It's not me. Tara, please, you must know the difference." His eyes were wild with fear. "It wasn't me. That was Kalan."

"The god of war." I said skeptically. He nodded his head.

"Tara, you can't even begin to understand this, you have to listen, and you need to ask the right questions, please, just try to understand this. We are pawns; we aren't our own we have never been our own. I-"

Something odd and scary worked its way into his eyes. I knew that look. I tried to move away from him but his hand caught me. My mind gave him the name Torin, but… I sucked in a deep breath and bowed my head respectively.

"Master Kalan." I murmured. He halted abruptly, looking at me with Torin's eyes dubiously.

"Very good, girl. Who told you of me? That excuse of a man Ceneth?" he asked his voice deeper, velvet. My head spun. Gods. What the hell was this? Mythology. I was trapped in a mythology story and a fairy tale. Excellent

"No." I murmured trying to keep a respectable tone.

"Of course not, he would not want to lose yet another. Ceneth's getting older, have you noticed Lila?" he asked me, a arrogant smile stretching his lips. There seemed to be something golden coursing under his skin.

"I'm sorry but I haven't." he laughed sharply.

"Not you. Lila, but she is far too weak to come out and play. That is why I have this." He held up the bottle of black liquid. "But, for your benefit, human. We will wait another moment. I am sure your Prince is coming to get you, but we will have to wait for him to get closer if we want you to live."

I didn't reply, not meeting his eyes and trying not to give away how confused and scared I was.

"Why will you not talk, angel?" he asked me.

I didn't look at him like my instinct wanted me to, I didn't responded.

"It is nice to finally meet a human with enough respect to honor the old rules." He said in that velvety voice. "For your respect I will give you a gift, girl. Only because I wish for you to know me, maybe to entice Lila, and for I think you would appreciate the irony," his fingers were under my chin raising my eyes for me to look at his face. His skin was hot, burning almost but soft on my own skin, dangerously disarming.

I raised my eyes to his face, already expecting to see the pale gray eyes, and his lips stretched in a nasty smile. Same person I had apparently been dealing with. However, those weren't the features he had.

His eyes were clear blue and his hair long, jet black and curly, slightly shadowing his eyes. His skin was a golden tan and it looked like molten gold was running through his veins. His lips were stretched into an angelic smile and he watching me an almost interested look as I felt my mouth pop open a little in surprise.

He looked like Ceneth.

He smiled again.

"I see you understand the irony." One of his hands reached out and he combed his fingers through my hair. "You are pretty, child. Tell me, what is your name?"

I swallowed, not liking this at all. At first I had been skeptical, he couldn't be a God, and maybe Torin had some split personality that I didn't know about. But this? This was odd. This was not normal.

"Tara." I whispered.

"Tara." He repeated and then smiled. "a name for a face. Now, tell me, my child, do you understand what is going on?" I shook my head no, too afraid to be anything but honest. He smiled at me, looking a bit delighted. "That's good. Now, darling Tara, I need you to dome a favor." He pressed the little bottle into my hand. "I need you to take the top off of this."

I did as he commanded, the fear in the pit of my stomach curling, what would this do to me? When I popped the lid off his thumb was quickly over the top and he took the vial from my fingers. I eyed it warily, petrified to my core what it would do to me.

"Lay back, child. This will heal you, all of you that's all." He whispered.

Again it struck me as how right he was of the irony that he looked like Ceneth. A God. Oh my. I was sure I was asleep.

Still I did as he said holding my breath and shutting my eyes. the liquid smoke was freezing as it touch my skin and then seeped thru my wound, to my heart were my pulse quickened to an unnaturally fast pace, pushing it through my veins. I felt sleepy, despite the terror, despite the cold, I was tired.

I felt my eyes relax and I heard a soft velvety voice above my head, "You fell off your horse." Then seconds later, "We will see how he may handle his punishment. If this goes my way he will never have you," and a hand gently cupping my face and then the relaxation of sleep.

**XoxOxoX**

When I woke up there was something warm pressing against my back and strips of warmth on either of my arms. I became aware of the rocking motion and the steady _thump-thump_ of a horse's hooves at a trot.

I opened my eyes, taking notice of the horses's ears in front and me and second of a pair of slender but strong hands that were gripping the reins. A sliver of moonlight fell across the ground in front of where the horse was walking and as we passed under it I noticed that my hands turned pale and a little bit of my hair turning blonde.

I tilted my head back and around, trying not to hit the person who was sitting behind me. I caught a glimpse of a strong jaw line, a curl of dark hair shadowing their eyes. Their lips stretched into a smile.

"Good you're awake." He whispered.

"Ceneth." I acknowledge.

"I'm sorry for being such an asshole, actually that's to nice of a word for what I was, to you earlier. I didn't like you wandering around the castle alone; particularly since we had an attempted murder this morning and no one is really hear. So I came looking for you. The stable boy told me that you went into the woods on Button, so I figured you'd be a long way out…"

I shivered, the cold biting into my skin. He let go of the reins and took the cloak he was wearing off and wrapped it tightly around me, taking up the reins again.

"I tried to give it to you earlier but you didn't want it." he said.

I nodded my head, leaning back against him, pressing my face to his chest, my ear over his heart. I listened to the silence and his heartbeat as it slowly dawned on e that our pulses were in time with each other.

"It's okay." I whispered

"What?" he asked.

"I said it was okay…the library thing. I'm not mad." I whispered.

The woods were eerily quiet and the branches looked like they were trying to grab for me. With a sudden jolt I remembered what had happened, why I was out in the woods, who I had come across. I wondered about that smoky black liquid, if it had done what he said it would do. I guess I'd have to check when I got a moment alone. And that dream, I still didn't have an exact word for them, what was that about? Not speaking with my own voice?

"Why were you alone in the woods Tara? Where was your horse?" I wound my fingers in his shirt, not liking that I had to explain that for some reason Torin was embodied by the God of War that looked eerily like Ceneth.

"Well, as you know the stallion wasn't train and he got spooked or irritated with me and bucked me off I landed on the ground pretty hard, and I guess I was knocked out." Those weren't the words that I wanted to say… yet they came so easily.

"Mhmm." He said somewhat skeptically, his chest vibrating with the noise that I turn sent little vibrations through me. God my hands were freezing. I released his shirt and found the hem of it and moved my hands up against the hot skin of his taught stomach.

"What are you doing?" he asked sounding a bit alarmed, or surprised, I wasn't quite sure.

"My fingers are cold." I said in reply. He took a shaky breath.

"Why is your dress ripped?" he asked.

"It got caught on a branch and ripped, that was before button bucked me off, I think the noise might have spooked him, or it might have been me. I loved this dress." I whispered. I wondered how I was managing to stay balanced on the horses back, especially since he had put me on side saddle.

"Please don't do anything like that again Tara." He asked me as we broke through he trees the stable two steps away.

A boy came out and helped us down, after issuing instructions Ceneth wrapped an arm around my shoulders and lead me quickly across the courtyard and up the stairs into the great hallway.

We climbed the stairs that lead to his room. When we got inside and the door and curtains were shut and the candles blow out I slipped out of my dress and down to my shift.

Superstitiously I felt the place were my wound should be. My fingers encountered nothing but smooth skin.

I moved silently over to the bed climbing in next to Ceneth and pulling the covers up to my chin. But I was still cold and my shivering felt like it shook the bed.

Ceneth rolled over to face me the sliver of light coming in through the windows catching his eyes. He opened his arms and I moved into the circle of them, not moving as his fingers brushed the stray hairs off my forehead. I had the opposite reaction than I normally did. Instead of tensing up and barely breathing, I relaxed, welcoming his warmth and nestled my head against his throat. His arms wrapped around me, one low on my back one higher, and our legs became entangled. I shut my eyes feeling the soft blanket of darkness that pulsed with warmth spread though my entire body and made me light, and dimmed my thoughts.

"I promise." I whispered just as sleep claimed me.

**XoxOxoX**

**a/n- I'm sorry that this took so long and that it is a wee bit inconsistent! Let me know what you thought!**


	17. Author's Note

So unfortunately, I'm awful at updating, obviously. It gets worse. I finished the story. Please don't be mad. I know. I'm mean because I didn't share it with everyone. However, as I believe I've mentioned before my plot changed a hundred bazillion times. And reading my last part it is obvious that due to the final plot change it doesn't fit with what everyone knows. This year is incredibly busy for me but I am trying to work it out. So the gist of this is:

The story is done.

There are so many plot holes that I'm surprised I can still make sense of the earlier parts.

As soon as I work out the kinks and get what I like to think of as worth into my computer then everyone shall be able to see it. Another thought though, I understand how many grammatical and spelling mistakes I have, but I'm thinking about getting some solid syntax and spelling and grammar and literary devices in this and then maybe trying to get it published. If that ever happens, I will be sure to let you know, but please be aware that I'm extremely self-conscious and doubtful about whatever litter talent I possess for stringing words together. I have also matured a great deal since taking this project on, so hopefully by the time I'm done wrestling with it, it will be somewhat worthy for the publishing world.

Until then, your reviews where you told me what I misspelled and where you got confused help me a great deal, I will continue to refer to them throughout the rewriting process. I'm terribly sorry that I won't update until I work the kinks out.

Another thing I would like you to keep in mind when you go back and re-read is that, when I re write things I very rarely keep the original syntax. I change it totally keeping the basic idea of the scene. Just a heads up.

Now for what is a good thing about this re writing process:

I understand Cenneth better. And I'm going to start spelling his name like most people: Kenneth (which means handsome in Irish oddly enough)

I understand Tara and where she comes from.

There is a lot to this fictional culture of mine that I never thought of and now I have.

However, I do need to figure a few things out. For instance:

What was the reason for my putting "the whore" in the story. I believe at the point we are at she has left? And I did not write her back in the final chapters. I need to figure her out.

Also Jax. I'm not quite sure what he's doing in there.

And Eva. Originally a crucial character that faded to the background.

Birkita the same as Eva.

So I will continue to write it. When I have six chapters re-written I shall post them. But they will be on Fiction Press due to the disappearance of the Fairy Tale section on Fan Fiction. When it makes it onto Fiction Press I shall let you all know the user name (it will be different) and the genre which it is under. Of course it will be rated T.

Thank you all so much for sticking with this, I do hope that you don't give up on me know. I'm sorry that my lack of foresight has put us into this situation. Most of all I would love to thank you all for being on this journey with me of the development of Tara and Cenneth. And finally, thank you all so very much for your support, kind words, and pointers and tips. Without you, none of this could have happened and this would be an idea running around in my head.

Thank you all so very much! I'm sincerely in your debt and grateful for every single one of you, whether or not you reviewed.

-Rachel


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